"Yeah, those were great times," Bigass Hamburger Guy reminisces, "Life was good, there were hamburgers as far as the eye could see, and I even had my own unlimited supply of specially-made fat guy chairs. But then my fifteen minutes of fame ran out, and the last job I had was as the user pic for this jerk name 'POS Industries' over a year ago. I wound up on the street, so broke that I couldn't even afford a burger from White Castle, and then I found Jesus...

...Jesus Rodriguez, my dealer. Thanks to him, I lost over 300 lbs, and so can you! Act now, and you'll get the first fix free! Limited time only! Not sold in stores!"

We got laughs from coast to coast to make you smile. A real life look at each of you to capture all that style. You're the red, white, and blue; all the funny things you do... America, America this is you.

Stories from your friends next door they never told. You might be a star tonight, so let the camera roll! You're the red, white, and blue; all the funny things you do! America, America, this is you!
The dangers of mixing Americana

Noone must ever know of our forbiddon love.
LittleKuriboh Quote for the win?

"The Super Ultra Deluxe Special Omega Jumbo Mighty Pickle Stack Burger; Don't bother me... I'm eating."

Brought to you by the Ultra Secret Special Super Omega menu from Carl's Jr.

Ten minutes after finishing the burger he died of cardiac arrest brought on by accute cholesterol poisoning.

Make mine "Sui-sized!"
If the burger doesn't kill him, the side salad will!

Reuben Stutter, American Idol season 2 winner, three months later after finding out that he was being outstaged by runner up Clay Aiken.

The only reason I eat this is to remove attention from the fact that I wear purple neck-jewellry, thilly.

The health film continued:
"And if a man does not regularly consume the cooked flesh of another living being, his hair grows long. He may start to wear sandals, support environmental causes, hug and kiss people in his family, cry freely, and talk about "feelings" and "being in touch with his emotions". His testicles may shrivel and fall off. In its terminal stages, the sufferer of Vegetarianism finally grows a fully formed vagina and dies."

I hate doing this sort of thing, but wow, this one deserves a win just for bringing humour to a weary and jaded soul.