"Hey are you married?"
*Punches boss*
"What the fuck was that for?"
"Hmm? Oh, I have homo phobia."
"I was asking because I wanted to have dinner with your family to annouce your big promotion. I was planing to let you take my place."
".....................Yeah well, your gay and I quit!"
*runs off*

Boss: Did you do that project I assigned you?
You: Yes, I did sir!
Boss: Let me see. *grabs paper* NOT GOOD ENOUGH! Do it again! *burns paper*
You: But this is the tenth time I've done it, sir...

person A "and so I said, I ment the volcano not your wife"
Person B "hahahahahahaha"
Boss "I dont get it"

Boss: Have you ever farted so hard that it left a skidmark in your panties?

"And what do you want little boy?"-Boss
"Sir I'm really uncomfortable on your lap"-Worker
"Ho Ho Ho, And what do you want little boy?"-Boss
"A...a..a raise s-sir"-Worker
"At least he didn't dress you up as a naughty elf"-Secretary
"Quiet Mike"-Boss

Me: You're girlfriend's hot.
Him: Yeah, she is. She's a bitch though. You want her?
His Girlfriend: I'm in the back seat, you know.
My Girlfriend: So am I.

Boss: Hey, I heard you broke up with your girlfriend last night... That's too bad... you ok about it?
Me: Yeah, I'm fine, I'll get over it.
Boss: That's good. Hey, now that you're free again, I think I could set you up on a great date.
Me: Really? Who?
Boss: Bob from accounting
Me:... but... we're both guys...
Boss:Yeah, so?
Me: Sir, I'm not gay...
Boss: Oh...
Me: Yeah...
Boss: I am so sorry... I can't believe I... Im really really sorry...
Me: Im gonna have to ask you to leave now

Again, another thing experanced by me yesterday...

"The last thing you want to see when you wake up."

(For me, it was the fact that my fan had fallen, and the blades were about an inch from my face.)

Krylo lying next to you.

(Ninja'd as I typed! This is about the boss thing)

Mini-Boss: So there I was about to take break when a customer tells me that someone locked all the doors in the girl's bathroom, and she wanted me to open them for her. And you know those doors, you have to crawl under them to get by the door when it's locked, and I was like "I am not crawling on that filthy floor! I'll pick up something!"

Boss: Seriously? So what did you do?

Mini Boss: Oh, right about then Pyros overheard what was going on, and said he'd do it.

Boss: Really?

Mini Boss: He went and did it too! He stepped into the girl's bathroom, got on his hands and knees and crawled through each stall and unlocked each door. You should have seen the marks on his uniform! He was lucky the ground wasn't wet or anything!

Boss: Wow...I can't believe he'd go and do something like that so willingly...(Turns to Pyros, who was sitting close by as all this happened) Pyros, You actually went into the girls room and did that?

Pyros: Let's just say it wasn't the first time I've done it.

Boss: WHAT?

Pyros: ...Oh! I mean, when I was little I wasn't so masculine as I am now, and back then my sister-

Boss: You went into the girls room with your sister!??

Pyros: No! I mean, Yes! But not like that! People locked the doors like that before too! And she-

Boss: Did you just say that you locked yourself in the girls bathroom with your sister?

Pyros: NOoooooooooooooo! I'm trying to say-

Only Friend who works there: I think he's trying to say he's a transexxual.

Pyros: No I am not! Shut up you! Not helping!

(Both Boss and Mini Boss are women, and the truth of the matter was is that some jerk's habit of locking the bathroom doors isn't new, as I had to unlock the stall doors before when I was about 12, and My sister didn't want to get dirty on the bathroom floor like the Mini-Boss.)

*thing I don't want to see when I wake up*

Pyros: *wakes up* Huh?...Damn! Class isn't over yet! *goes back to sleep*