Heh, Bill Gates is so Rich his Account Number is 2!

He's so Rich, his Account Number is "Hi, I'm Bill Gates"

What I'd do if I had that number...

"I'll take it all in pennies..."
"Sir, Earth does not have that much copper."

Heh, I'd have even more money then Bill Gates ever had!

Or...

"I'll put it all on 11 Black."

If I had Bill Gate's bank account number:

*Walks into IHOP, completely nude.*

Manager: Now looky here, Nakedy McNopants, we have a no shirt, no shoes, no service policy at this here restaurant-

*Holds up a wad of cash worth $1,000,000.*

Manager: So will it be smoking or non, sir?

Nein: Smoking...is wrong.

Manager: Of course sir. We are a smoke free environment, after all.

*Manager Dashes over to nearest smoker, picks him up, and hurls him out a closed window. The rest of the smokers see the bloodied man and stealthily inch their way out of the building.*

Manager: Well, let me take you to your seat. And may I state that you look positively fetching in your outfit.

Nein: Why thank you. Have a $300.

I'd buy a copy of Windows XP for every Windows user who ever got harassing messages claiming that their copies of Windows were "not genuine," regardless of guilt or innocence. My poor mother gets those messages on her computer every day, and she had NO idea it wasn't genuine...so yeah, FREE GENUINE copies of Windows for anybody who wants 'em!

Also, I'd pay for someone to bitchslap the person/people at Microsoft who came up that idea...at least every 5 minutes for a week.

*Grins* You all are going to hate me for this one...

"If you found Krylo or Fifth in your bed..."

You say it like it would get the same reaction... I mean, if it was fifth, I'd light myself on fire and jump out a window while screaming "WHY!!!!??"

But I dunno about krylo... I could have some fun with that...
but seriously, there would be a homicide/suicide spree in either case

How did you get here, and why are you wearing my tiara?

*opens door*
*Krylo/Fifth look up at me*

Me: Guys, seriously, I said to use the den. That's why it's there. And take your clothes off, too. I don't want you stinking man-love all day tomorrow. If you're going to do it, do it all the way.

*close door*

*realize what exactly happened, then face melts off*

Death by dutch oven.

Some things are too foul for even Krylo to stand.

"If you found Krylo or Fifth in your bed..."
 

Loki open’s the door to his room, expecting a nice warm place with much loud computer noises…

Loki: “Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to intrude… wait, who the… *erp!*”

So many thoughts would pass through my mind as I suddenly die from the resultant aneurism...

a) How did they get past the traps/assorted junk strewn around the property that is quite possibly hazardous to one's health?
b) Ah, so that’s what a disembodied skull smells like.
c) Dear God, what have they done to my sheets?!?

"Okay, get out. Leave. Take the sheets with you; I'll have to burn them anyway, but the Pretty Soldier Sailormoon poster stays heeeeoh my God second thoughts you can have the poster too just get out."

*opens eyes, sees krylo, closes them again*
*opens eyes again, really wide*
*inhales*
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
*inhales again*
"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
*inhales again*
*lather, rinse, repeat*

My ass is so sore and I have bitemarks everywhere...what happened last night?

*looks over and sees Fifth and Krylo in bed with her, sleeping*

Oh...yeah...now I remember...*groans, flops over, pulls a blanket over her head, and goes back to sleep*

"Damnit Krylo, stop BITCHING. When it's your turn to be on top, you'll KNOW."

Ok, now that we've got plenty of scarred minds..


"Other uses for Mounten Dew"

Actually, true story, my cousin and I took a half drunk bottle once, put the cap on securely, shook it up, and tossed it in the air. Landed on the cap and flew through an SUV's windshield. We ran away.

Wait, you can use Mountain Dew for something other then cleaning your toilet bowl?

If you pour it in your ear, Mountain Dew makes a dandy mindscrubber...you'll forget the previous scene in no time! :D

Recreating the battle of Ypres in your own backyard!

bonus points if anyone gets this

Your very own barrel of nuclear waste

De-greasing engines?

As a catalyst in flamethrowers?

Paint stripper?

Industrial strength floor cleaner?

Cleaning up mile long oil spills?

Pick one.

Mountain Dew- The other OTHER Spermicide.

You know, it is possible to actually drink the stuff.

Sounds far-fetched, I know, but it's true!

Or you could use it to give your dog a nice green glow for Halloween. That's how I use it.

Okay, I got no more titles right now.
 

The EPA has just approved Mountain Dew to replace R-134a for use in Automobile Air Conditioning Systems.

Stocks in Pepsi-Co remain unchanged, due to the Recent Ruling from the Supreme Court regarding Pepsi Blue's effect on Migratory Carpenter Flies.

*drinks*"I am the MIGHTY MOUNTAIN. I can telepathically kill the sperm in your body!"

LIES, ALL LIES!

Abuse it until you nearly die of an overdose?

AN OVERDOSE OF EXTREME!

Which is entirely the reason why I was kicked off Deitic Idol. Otherwise I totally would have won. Stupid antidrug rules. I can quit anytime. I could quit right now. But first...just a few more liters.

Moving on..

"Required reading for Chat 8bit"

The big book of common english,
Anal guards and you: a public safety guide.
See Spot, Dick and Janet survive 3rd degree burns
Why fifthfiend`s a %@#*~$: by Mesden, co-authored by Fifthfiend.
Wikipedia. ALL OF IT!

Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs

A sign I've been playing too much RO...

"Fun with a drunken mini-admin"

"No, Seriously, She called you ugly. I swear it! Go ban her ass."

"No, no, no. I just need you to loan me a couple thousand. And my name is Flarecobra, not Nikose..."

"OH MY GOD THE PORINGS ARE ATTACKING. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE."

"Did you eat one of the mushrooms?"

101 ways to badmouth and get away with it.
All 8 Bits: You suck by 32king.
Dummies for Dummies.
a Dictionary

Little late there clueless, we've moved on.

On topic: The perfect time to get into fifth's pants.

Why did I hit Shiney with that shrink ray when he was drunk? Well look at him stumble around on those little legs. Oh and you should have seen him trying to drive the Transformers. What? How do I reverse it? I can't. Oh right RaiRai......
<_<
>_>

*bolts*

Sorry.
"Hey Mom! Can we have Bread(1) tonight? My hp's kinda low!"

"Most innoppertune times to put in a typo/misspeak a word."

Edit: wow, I am oblivious

Yes, that is the next one.

"So you want to amputate the Left Leg?"

"1000 ccs of morphine? Are you sure?"

"Cessna Four Sierra Papa, I said 'Land Runway 11'!"

"Now, is that 10 pints of Caffine or Cyanide?"

English class in Russia

Bobby, please use big words to describe a simple task.

I masturbate when I eat.


(for you nigh-illiterate people out there, the screw up is "mastegate")

"Ok, now cut the red wire"

I order you to nuke (insert country no one cares about)!

Now pull the yellow cord at 1000 feet!

Commonely messed up anyway:
I want a CHEESEBURGER!!

"Tell me the truth--have you been sleeping with him?"
"Now wait just a sex, Mom--I'm an adult...and...oops...heh..."
"You are, aren't you?"
"Yep."
"Now, aren't you glad you took a 'sex' to let me know?"

"If you were stuck in one of the Light Warrior's bodies..."

Next one!

*Jiggle, jiggle* heheheh.... White mage boobies... *jiggle, jiggle*

and now...
 

Black Belt: Die. And keep dying. Thanks WM.

Fighter: Make a pass at WM just to see Black Mage's head Exploadify. (Trust me, he deserves it.)

WM/EPS: Um...Nikose ninja'd me. *duck*

BM: How many hadokens does it take to get to the chocolatey centre of a tootsie pop?

Hehehe
 

BM: Mime this Red Mage, FIGHTERDOKEN!

Sarda: Yay verily, warriors of light, you have saved the world and blah blah blah, whatever. GET OFF MY LAWN!

Fighter: We're heroes, and we shall be remember as so for all time, Black Mage!

Thief: That's really funny, especially since he was on the team of Villains for the final battle....

Red Mage: But it was for naught! With all that xp, all that hard work, I finally transcended our game world.....to get caught in Final Fantasy 2! WHERE THERE IS NO EXPERIENCE! YE DICE, why have you forsaken me?

White Mage: All is well in the world, and I have completed my mission. I only hope that this victory will truly allow you to rest in peace, Black Belt.....

Black Belt: OH RLY?

White Mage: Black BElt, you live!

BM: What? You died! I watched you die, with a certain satisfaction I might add, and I could have sworn there was no way in HELL you were going to come back. Cuz I went to hell. I'd know if you were able to come back.

Thief: Hm.....since when did Black Belt speak in red?

Red Mage: Don't bother me now....I have lost my will to live....though I must admit, all this sulking gets progressively better the more I do it....

BB: Fools! I am not your pitiful Black Belt, for I am merely using his form to visit your pitiful realm! You may call me......Pyros BELT! Or maybe, Black Nine! or BB Nein! Whichever comes first!

Fighter: Wait........YOU"RE NOT Black Belt! IT'S SOMEONE WHO ONLY LOOKS LIKE BLACK BELT!

Black Mage: He just said that, Fight-Dork! Heh...Fight-Dork. Even after like, 5 years of adventuring, I've still got it!

Pyros Belt: Fight-Dork! THat's sheer brilliance! YOU! BLACK, MAGEY PERSON! Truly, only one with wit such as yours MUST be the true ruler of this land!

Fighter: Actually he' n-

Thief: *grabs Fighter and hurls him into the distance* Yes, yes, he is truly the owner of this land, and I am his personal advisor and manager of the treasury, war department, and anything else that can fool you. Here's my card.

Pyros: *reads card* Okay, seems legit. Now, I ask that you surrender your land to me, lest I stop being able to fight off these combatitive impulses flooding my body, urging me to punch all of you till you can't think thinky thoughts.

BM: Umm....sure? This land, that I own, I can totally give it to you-

Thief: *picks up Black Mage and hurls him into the distance* -At a cost!

Black Nine: Umm....did you just grab your ruler and hurl him into the sunset, like that other guy?

Thief: It's a cultural thing. He was late for a ruling appointment, and I politely threw him there.

BB Nein: Well...sounds reasonable. What is this cost and why shouldn't I crush you in between these thighs I wish I had in my actual body! HYAH!

Thief: Well, all you need to do is sign this piece of paper that clearly states (you don't need to bother reading it) that you will give this land a dollar to prove your ownership. Then this land is as good as yours!

Kung Fu P9: Ha! If only every other land had terms of surrender like these! Oh drat....it seems like I forgot to bring any dollars on this particular takeover. All I've got is this insanely large amount of spare gold that I use to wipe my ass.

Thief: We will just hope that that will do. Um....were you telling the truth about the wiping?

Ryu the Gangsta Ninja: Well, yes. Of course, being a divine being possessing a dead kung fu monk, my crap tends to take the form of perfect diamonds worth exactly $7,777,777,777.

Thief: I think my heart just exploded. Any chance you'll need an advisor for your ruling?

HYAH!: Probably...NOT! *Grabs Thief and hurls him into the distance*

Thief: Hmm....so this is what it's like.

Nein: *Gives Red Mage a stare.*

Red Mage: Oh...yeah...fine. I'll go. If I get any better at sulking, I might gain the ability to sulk enough tears to drown the world or something....*mimes the throw ability, and throws self into the distance*

Pyros Belt: Well, with that task done, it's time to do some Rulin! KARATE KICK!

Sarda: Hey! I thought I said get off my lawn!

Pyros: No Old man. How about you get off MY LAWN!

*world explodes*

Ok, moving on..

"Taking care of the Light Warrior Pets"

"So Fighter has a pet sword. And... he's paying you 500gp a day to sit it?"

Me-"Yes"

"Should have guessed that...."

man1: does thief have a pet?
me: no, hes paying me to watch his lawyer ninjas

So, BM, how did you talk Hades into selling you Cerberus?

*BM explains*

Oh...

Well, that explains why all hell has broken loose...

Yes, Red Mage. I will take care of mister boots... Yes, Red Mage, I will make sure I preen and fluff his hair... Yes, Red Mage, I will put the little pink ribbons in... Yes, Red Mage...

RM: I have to walk my dog three times a day to keep up his Strength stat. Then I have to feed him only +5/5 Dog Food of Awesomeness, otherwise his Charisma stat goes down.

Fighter: So, have you been taking good care of Slashy and Stabby?

Nein: I suppose....I mean, as good a care as one can for a sword without being a blacksmith or something. I mean, they're just swords!

Fighter: Yes, but they're really good swords! Who's a good sword? Who's a good sword? Give daddy a smooch!

*blood spurts everywhere*

Nein: Wow...those are some affectionate swords.

Flarecobra has FORSAKEN us in this thread!

Would anyone care to try and theif it from her?

Nope. Just been busy with other things, as well as gathering material for use in here.



Speaking of which...

"Fourmites in Playboy/Playgirl."

*Whistles, casually flips the book open.*
*See's Krylo stretched out in a mini-Skirt*

...And he was never happy again.

Ahem.

Been there. <<

Sorry, Melfice.

*Casually flips through the book to see a two-page feature of SK and Flare making out*

*Notices small text in the corner. It reads, "Sponsored by Dragonsbane"*

"...Oh, dear."

*Flips through pages*

*Sees picture of C'thulu*

At bottom of page: The SEXY DFM!

*Looks through Playgirl and sees self*

Who the hell put that there? O_o

*looks through playboy*
*sees self*

"Now everyone will know my secret..........Yey!"

*Flips through, and notices...*

NOTENOTENOTENOTENOTENOTE
This is your friendly neighborhood Fifthfiend. Wackodudle has ben FUCKING BANNED for attempting to insinuate that he saw me in Playboy magazine. Not PlayGIRL, which would be fucking awesome, for women across the world would see my hotness. But PlayBOY, I ask you? Now that's just fucking wrong.
Thank you for your time.
/NOTE/NOTE/NOTE/NOTE/NOTE/NOTE


BTW, I apologize for disappearing for so long, I was moving and just got hooked back up, so I will be prowling continually now. Also, I must apologize to Fifthfiend for poking fun at him so much. You just need to be less of a target, man! It's just too fucking EASY!!!

Playboy/girl boss- Sorry sirs we cannot take these pictures
Greed- Why?
PBGB- Well you see all of these were taken from outside windows and are a of a odd collection of people whose only common factor is outrage or violence at being photographed. (Except for that guy dressed as a racoon....)
Greed- That and they're part of an internet forum. $2000?
PBGB- Sorry but we cannot take photographs taken through illegal voyeurism.
Greed- Come on, how bout $1100?"
PBGB- Sorry sirs, now if you don't leave I WILL call security.
Greed- I see...... come along Krylo these peons obviously have no appreciation for our talents here.

"...What the hell? FLARECOBRA?
...AS A COBRA. WTF, this is FURRY PORN. D:"

*flee*

*Flipping through stacks of filthy porn, Fifth sees a full spread of Tydeus. *
Fifthfiend: NOT AGAIN!!! Perma-Banhammer!! The second part of this is not innuendo...or is it?

Playboy's article of the month: Fire, your sex life, and how to mix the two together, by Pyros Nine.

Also features full spread-out of Asheth!

After looking through your Playboys and Playgirls, have you noticed something missing? Yes, that's right: POS!

I won't do anything less graphic than Club.

Thank you for missing the most obvious option...me and my girlfriend.

Moving on..."Hidden cameras in the NPF bathrooms and lockers"

*Hides the edition with Asheth*

Clearly, your personal life isn't as much on anyone else's brain as you thought.... or at all.

Look, I know what you're thinking and the answer is no. I didn't put those cameras there. Mine are hidden a lot better, than you very much!

I'm talking the hidden security cameras that the mods put up that are made of that weird regenerating metal that they use to keep tabs on us.

I suppose those cameras would probably show me banging my head against the wall in frustration as orphans weep and angels lose their wings...

*I walk in whistling.*
*I walk out, and just before I leave through the door, I flip off the camera.*
"I'm not doing anything wrong, so there, fuckers!"

5:30 in the morning:

Okays...*hurgle!* No more latenight binges of rocky road and Catnip! At least....not *GLORPH!* on a tuesday.