Okey dokey, I watch Who's Line all of the time, I'm gonna take a whack at this...

Why Nuclear Waste is BAD for your health.

Because extra fingers make typing confusing.

No Wackodude, you can't make them. Read the rules.

"Behind the scenes of 8-bit Theatre"

I imagine that there is a room somewhere where Brian Whips all of the mods into working late hours for little pay, and behind that was the fendish scientific experiment to splice several mods DNA together, giving us Fifthfiend. Cro-team managed to escape and Mods from a palatial villa, which is why his posts are always very relaxed.
Krylo is the sex puppet,
Viper Diaymo is the workhorse,
Meister is the loveable drunk,
and Shiney and Rai are his PR couple.
Much like communism, it seems to be spreading.

Brian: Sorry. You just aren't evil enough, and you, well, the person who plays Fighter must have SOME intelligence. You guys just don't fit the part.

Thorque: BUTIWANNABEFIGHTAANDUSESWORDCHUCKERYWITHOATMEAL!

Garud: I pray for a death that may never come. Somebody please get me away from this moron. PLEASE!

Wasn't the topic "What will be my next topic", though? I think he may have actually been playing correctly.

Much of the fanbase was left stunned when Howard Kleinfelder, who portrayed the role of Black Belt, suddenly decided to leave the show after a contract dispute with writer/director/producer/best boy Brian Clevinger, where Kleinfelder demanded higher pay, more screen time, and a personal stuntman. His terms refused, the Black Belt character was killed off permanently. Clevinger, still quite bitter about the whole ordeal, flatly refuses to discuss the incident and, in one instance, invited Kleinfelder to return for a guest appearance in which his character was re-killed in a most gruesome fashion.

It should be noted that no stunt professionals or special effects of any kind were used in the filming of said episode.

Howard Kleinfelder
May 27, 1969 - November 10, 2005

Um, no offense meant, no smart-alecky comment meant, but that was my response to that "Scene".

Anyway, here goes! I'm still new here so, if it doesn't make sense, don't get mad and flame me! Please! My asbestos suit is at the cleaners, so I'd have no protection, and that's no fun, trust me on this! Anyway, aren't the ones that make almost no sense the funniest?

Bryan: All right, Fifth, I've been getting complaints that you are being too harsh with the newbs. Please, just tone it down a bit!

Fifth: Awright, fucker, you're BANNED!!!

Bryan: WHAT??!?? You can't ban ME!! I write the comi-

(In front)ANNOUNCEMENT TO THE PUBLIC: Bryan was banned last night for giving too much power to FifthFiend. In other news,-

(Back behind the scenes)Fifth: Too MUCH power? No such thing, muthafucka! BANNED!!!

(Back in front)ANNOUNCEMENT: The previous announcer was banned five seconds ago for, ah, not giving tribute to the almighty and powerful Fifth. As a matter of fact, I'm on my way to give mine to Fifth right now! See ya!


What do you think? Please, I wanna know your critiques! PM them to me if you want, I don't care!

Behind the Scenes of 8 Bit Theater

Thief - "I just want to donate this massive amount of cash to those orphans!"
Black Mage - "Can we pick up some fuzzy bunnies for them?"
Fighter - "I say chaps! Capital idea's wotwot!"


The REAL men behind the characters.

At the 8-Bit Lounge...

Fighter: So, what's the deal with that Massacre guy, huh? Is he gonna get on with that Evil Pie deal or what?

Black Mage: I hear he hit a snag when a guy that was helping him get some stuff kinda' slacked off or something.

Red Mage: Fighter! Thief! Black Mage! There's a random encounter in my coffee mug!

Thief: Oh, go on, Red Mage... First dragons and hobo sidequests...now this? Get a life, dude.

Black Mage: Seriously...

Fighter: RM, I'd like to recommend you a psychiatrist... He's done me a great deal of good.

(The other 8-Bitters leave RM alone...with his coffee mug. There is an orange spiky cartoon character hiding inside of it...)

Red Mage: But...but..

Don Patch: Come on inside, Red Mage... The coffee's fine... We'll have a nice churro or two...AND THEN I'LL EAT YOUR SOUL ALIVE!!!

Ok, now try to keep it from getting TOO perverted...

"What REALLY goes on behind closed doors..."

Behind the Doors of the WWE

Triple H - "These crumpets are absolutely fantastic!"
Shawn Michaels - "I do agree sir!"
Edge - "My friends, have you seen our matches on the tele?"
Triple H - "Indeed I have sir"

ect ect ect.

"Got any twos?"
"Go Fish."

Behind the doors of the TARDIS...

"Hello? What's all this then? Did I step into the wrong box?"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Behind the doors of Hannibal Lecter's chamber...

*All we hear are those sup-sup noises...*

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Behind the doors of Optimus Prime's trailer...

"Man, I'm bored..."

"Yeah..."

"Hey, want me to see if I can shoot those doors open?"

"Go for it."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Behind the doors of the minds of men and women alike...

Nyarlathotep: I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts
There they are all standing in a row
Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head
Give them a twist a flick of the wrist
That’s what the showman said
I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts
Every ball you throw will make me rich
There stands my wife, the idol of me life
Singing roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch
Roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch
Roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch
Roll a bowl a ball, roll a bowl a ball
Singing roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch
I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts (they’re lovely)
There they are all standing in a row (one, two, three, four)
Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head (and bigger)
Give them a twist a flick of the wrist
That’s what the showman said
I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts
Every ball you throw will make me rich
There stands my wife, the idol of me life
Singing roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch (all together now)
Roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch (harmony)
Roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch
Roll a bowl a ball, roll a bowl a ball
Singing roll a bowl a ball a penny a pitch

Behind the doors of Marlboro:
Chairman:*Fffffft* Aaahh. I love cigarettes.
Chair member: *Fffft* Aaahh. I love low menthol.
Another chair member: *Fffffft* Aaahh. I love cigars. *Hak hak hak hakk HAKK HAKKkhhh**His guts fall out onto the table.*
Chairman: *Fffft* Aaahh. Dammit! That's the third one this week! Alright bring in the next one.
*Another guy in an official looking siut came in, flopped down into a chair and:*
The next Chair member: *Fffffft* Aaahh. I love unfiltered.

Zoom in on closed doors
from inside we hear:
"I have a lovely bunch of coconuts..."

Moving on...

"What's happening under this desk....."

...ohshit.

*Censored*

Under this desk, deep down below the desk...

The dust bunnies will revolt!
"They neglected to pick us up, he will regret his laziness!"
"Yes! We will invade from the shoe up the pantleg and then dwell into his insides from the belly button!"

...Where else did you think on how lint got there?

Massacure, that made me glad I can't wear panties. *Wriggles snake tail*

What can I say? I have a soft spot in my heart for innuendo and double-entendre and that sort of thing.

He: Well? Found it yet?
She: Look, there's more of a challenge to this than you think. It's dark down here--and frankly, it doesn't smell so fresh either.
He: If you're gonna complain so much, I could just do this myself.
She: You and I both know that's not true. ...Criminy! It must be tiny. I can't see it at all.
He: Excuse me! It's actually quite sizable. I mean, as far as these sort of things go, it's actually fairly big.
She: Yeah, well, that's obviously not so big as you flatter yourself thinking, is it, sunshine?
He: ...Words can hurt, y'know.
She: Oh, there it went. Found it! (She stands up.) And the next time you lose the hinge screw to your glasses, just get a magnet on the end of a stick or something. I'm not paid enough for this.
He: And the blowjob?
She: Fuck off.

"Ok guys, we will attack the mans pants at dawn!"
So speaketh the PANTS GNOMES

Damnitt I kicked the powercord loose for the computer again...

int: underneath a medium sized desk.

Cat 1: so what shall we do today fluffy?
fluffy: the same thing we always do wishes.
wishes: sleep?
fluffy: no, jump out from under this desk and sleep on the moniter and keyboard while our master tries to work.
wishes:so i was right!
fluffy:i supose...
wishes:YEAH!
(after this is said the two cats proceed to jump up on their master and then sleep on his computer...)

Oh I think we all know the answer to that!;)

Though I must say, this:

just plain wins.

*Pulls out a new slip of paper*

"If you were Bill Gates..."

I'de use my immense resources to buy an island fortress and become an evil genius! As you do.

*sings* "I'd be rich..."

But on a more serious note, if I were Bill Gates, I'd keep doing what he's doing with his charity...but I would change the name and add more services. I'd also help my family get out of debt and settled in businesses of their own.

On the silly side, I'd dress up as Ryan Stiles as Zorro and hand out $100 bills.

"Donald Trump! I challenge you to a bad hair competition! Whoever keeps an awful hair style the longest wins. My fortune against yours, winner takes all."

I'd finally get around to creating an appropriate army to combat all the other evil geniuses out there. There's never enough rich good guys out there. It's like 3 against kajillion!

Then, maybe after I've crushed Latveria, Lexcorp, and etc then I'd try and take over the world.

Imagine a game console that you could hook your brain into to browse music, movies, and play games (of course). Now imagine that said system you project your consciousness into has a blue screen of death.

It's so subtle no one would see it coming!

....okay, maybe some people.

I'd prove that stupid cliché wrong and buy happiness, power, fame, and friendship. Anything can be bought with enough money.

Moving on...

"Reactions to seeing what I really look like in lamia form...."

Ok, who wrote these!? *Looks offstage*

...(looks around)
Me: Mooooooom, the strange lady is bathing naked in our pool again!
Mom: well i cant solve all your problems for you, throw something at it.
Me: ok...
(fade out)
(fade in)
Int: hospital
(the camers zooms in on me in a hospital bed.)
Me: I told you mom, I told you.

(for those who don't know, I'm a girl)

Me: *Turning to other forumites* Told you so, now pay up.

*blinks*

Wow...how do you dance, swim, or have sex?

O_o; "Uh... exactly how dexterous is that tail??"

"Put some damn pants on."

-Flare: So, how do I look?
-Loyal's Thought Processes: ...Okay, she's known for violent reactions to pigs... She has red hair... She's a Marine, and now she's a half-snake-lady, with an extremely dangerous tail...
-Loyal: Terrific.

:eek:

I think that about covers it.

Is it real? *poke* *poke*
*Gets thrown into traffic by a tail sweep*
So worth it....*dies*

*My tail twitches* I wouldn't do THAT....crush your neck, prossably, but not throw you into traffic. Much less cleanup.


"Worst time to get gas...*

In the O.R.

Lead surgeon: Alright, I'm through the skull, entering the cerebral cortex now.

Assistant *passes gas*

Surgeon *laughs*

The needle he had been inserting into the patient's brain jumps and the guy flat lines. The man's family sues the Surgeon, the Hospital sues Taco Bell.

When it's getting up to about $4.00 a gallon, amirite!

And what's the deal with airline food?

Moment of Silence during ANZAC day, I've seen it happen, a thousand man awkward silence after that. It was a titanic fart as well, I heard it clearly a good 30m or so away.

(Scene: The tiny and poorly-defended republic of Innocentonia is attempting to negotiate a treaty with the much larger, better-armed, and vastly more irrational Jerkerian Empire. The Chancellor of Innocentonia, conducting the talks over a speakerphone, is not feeling at all well.)

Chancellor: (to himself) Oog, my gut. Note to self: Last night's leftover broccoli and navy beans do not a good pre-conference lunch make. (to speakerphone) You were saying, Prime Minister Jerkhat?

Prime Minister: What I was saying was, if you send one of your countrymen over here in fishnet stockings, a shirt made out of a plastic bag and one of those novelty hats with the foam boobies on, to crawl around my office on all fours and bark "Jingle Bells" for one day a year, I'm totally okay with not conquering your country and laying it waste. 'Cos I'm just that kind of a nice guy. So--what do you say? We got a deal?

(The Innocentonian Chancellor cannot answer; he is doubled up in doscomfort in his seat, as his intestinal turmoil reaches a crescendo. Finally, with an ear-splitting noise, he erupts in a fit of wind that rustles the papers atop the small filing cabinet behind him.)

Prime Minister: ...Look, if you just called me up to make stupid noises at me, your ass is totally getting blown up. Let's see how easy it is to make fart sounds when your entire region's been blown back to the Stone Age.

Chancellor:...Fucking broccoli and navy beans.

Minister: Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here this day to join...

Bride: *breaks wind*

Setting - A nice bar

Man - "Hey Baby want me to buy ya a drink?"
Lady - *farts loudly and makes a funny face*

In the middle of class.

.....if anyone (giggle!) has any reason why these two should not be wed(bride's jealous sister in the front row)"I object!!"
croud gasps.
Sister blows a massive one in the audiences faces.

Aw, man, I missed it. Well here it is anyway!
Me: Woah! What the heck?
*Sidles closer.*
Me*Peering closely and out loud*: Hmmm. Interesting. Looks like a cross between a girl and... something.
Me*Still peering closely but thinking this in the brainiac part of my brain*: Wonder if I can capture it for study?
Me*Same as above, but this time in the primal male psyche I can't even hear, can just feel* Wonder if I can have *** with it?

<.< >.>
Hey! In lamia form, she'd be nekkid! And I am a guy, hence a naked girl-thing in front of me? Come on! It's not like you other guys wouldn't think this!
*I run from the wrath of Flare, hoping she won't jump through the forums into my front room with the intent of killing me.*
Anyway,

"Hello, Mr. President? What will be your response to Iran's nuclear threat?"
*Phffththht*
*The president stops and turns slowly towards the reporter and stands there. After awhile, he smells the air and grimaces.*
"Well, we might feed you some beans and drop you into the capital..."

Try to stay in the current topic please.

Speaking of which...

"Bad times to hear "Oops""

now lets just open up that heart of yours...

I told you, i have the gun safety on...Oops... sorry dude

"Hey you sure you sealed Apollo 13 completely?"

"Uh... oops?"

Haven't we done this one?*gets glared at* Shit I corrected Flare. Oops.

Anyway

"We're perfectly safe from the zombies as long as Johnny locked the back door."

"Oops"

Yeah, but this one is SO fun. ^_^

But yeah...thought up a better one.

"The great mysteries of NPF"

Such as: What's Arhra's real gender?

What Fifth did to become a mod. Yeah I know we've had enough about fifth in this thread, but this is a legitimate mystery.

How there could be anyone like Otaku-san

edit.
Why was krylo wearing a skirt in that one picture, cant find the link

Oh, I'm all over this one.

-What the hell kinda parents do SK and IC have (The characters, not the real people)?

-The real power behind shiney's hat.

-What was going through real-life Flare's head when she decided to make herself a Lamia. :p

-Krylo. Just... What?

Why haven't the respective members of said forum destroyed, conquered, or at least singed the world a little bit in the time that this forum has existed?

How many mods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Why is the answer to "How many mods does it take to screw you over" a negative number?

Does Lamia flare ever have trouble with automatic doors, what with the tail and all....

if Pyrosnine is a cat that can use a keyboard, why does he (I) own dogs? (Keeps me up at night...)

Did Garud originally want to name himself 'Guard' and mispell?

How does Blind Mime manage to avoid walking into walls slightly less than the rest of us?

Is CroTeam really Batman?

Does Arhra even know Arhra's Gender?

I love snakes, I love girls. Why not?

No I don't. They stay open long enough thanks to motion sensors.

Why can I never get on in time to post for the previous "scenes"?

Why do people hate me?

Why did I make that comment about lamia flare?

What is wrong with me?

When will I ever shut up?

Why-
*Flare sics her mutant pet monkeys upon me to devour my head. And my heart. And my spleen.*

BTW, I hope you don't mind about the mutant pet monkey bit. I just doubted your lamia form would devour parts of my body.
PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!!

Why are there more locations in the profiles than there are on earth?
What does Brian Clevinger look like when he patrols the Forums?-me cowering in fear-
What about shiney is so shiny?
WHY AREN"T ANY OF THESE WITTY AND HILARIOUS!?!
bleh...gotta get another drink.....

Just why does Skyshot only use the font "courier new"?

Just how far does POS Industries' control over NPF city now go?

What's it like to spend an eternity inside a sword with only Raiden and PyrosNine for company?

Why is Arhra short?

Why can no-one ever remember grthwllms' name?

Why hasn't this been updated in 3 days?

Because I can't think of a new one.

Well I've got one, if it's okay?

Forumite's Theme songs.

Well, my personal theme song is "I Swear to God, If You Cop Out and Just Use Something CT Wrote, I Will Hate You Forever."

It's a Gregorian chant, by the way.

No greed. Note the rules, though feel free to PM suggestions.

And on that note.... "What's going through Krylo's mind when he's wearing girl clothes"

"Now who can I trick into going that far with me?"

<I've been in girl's pants before, but now I'M IN GIRL'S PANTS!>

Yeah...i know. It's a terrible joke and I should die for it. But shouldn't we all?

Sides, not like there's anything wrong with cross dressing or anything...

I'm pretty sure he would think: "What the hell?"

I'm pretty sure that's what all of us were thinking...

<I feel pretty, oh so pretty, i feel pretty and witty and gayyy. And i pity, any girl who isnt me today! Whos that pretty girl in that mirror there? what mirror where?>

"These pantyhose are giving me a f***ing wedgie! I should have gone with the garter belt and thigh-high stockings."

Moving on...

"What cats are really thinking"

"I am the Alpha and the Omega bitches."

Cat 1: at last, our deathray is complete.
(as the cat finishes this thought a human walks onscreen)
Cat 2: no you fool, not there!
(human walks on deathray)
Human: awwww. Its hissing, did i step on your wittle mouse?
Cat 1: you will regret this till the day you die.

(sometimes theres just no better way to write it than as a screenplay.)

Day 318 of my captivity: I think the dog may be a spy. Yesterday, I saw him whispering to our jailers, and they rewarded him with foul smelling slop. However, my attempts at killing them by tripping them down the stairs have so far been unfruitful.

But tomorrow, the damn bird will die, as the first in my rise to freedom.