"I understand that it's neccessary to take a bullet to revive people, but do you HAVE to smile when you shoot me?"

"Wait, so you're telling me that if I take this sword out of this pedestal, I'll be like the hero of time?"

"Yes. But you may be too young to wield it."

"So...what happens if I just take it?"

"The sword will find you worthy, yet not old enough, and will trap you in comatose stasis for 7 long years, during which every villain you know is free to run amuck unhindered. Then, when the sword deems you old enough, it will wake your malnourished adult form to save the world."

"If I wasn't old enough, couldn't It just leave me alone and let me just train for the next 7 years?"

"Oh, stop whining and just pick up the sword. None of the other chosen ones complained!"

"Spooty old man in robes...I hope he dies of old age when I'm asleep."

"Yes. Have a peaceful rest, o chosen one...Yess, a peaceful rest indeed. Just your peaceful sleeping body, and me, for 7 years... I'll have to give you a nice change of clothes as you get...bigger...Young...elven boys do grow up nicely, don't they? "

"You perverted piece of vile old-flesh! I heard all of that! No way I'm picking up this piece of crap sword now! If Ganon wants to take over the world, he can feel free to! And if he kills you while he does it, I'll send him a gift basket!"

*Old Sage picks up sword and tosses it into boy's hands*

"WHAT? NOoooooooooooooooooo!!!" *Flash of Magic*

"Yes. the prophecy has been fulfilled....oh, would you look at that, his tunic is ripped. Better take it off to fix it....and wouldn't you know it, so my robe is ripped too...."

Ok Pyros, stop channeling Krylo. *Takes away his candles and blood*

"Fun with helium"

My evil demonic John Lennon impersonation.
 

Actually, Ringo Starr sang "Yellow Submarine". So you'd be impersonating Ringo there.

Just pointing it out.

Ka-Heliumed Edit:
 

And what did THAT have to do with the current scene? *Pyros is pulled offstage for a good flogging*

"Fun with helium"

"Right, just connect this hose here to the 17 pressurised cannisters there, flick this valve open here, and ...... ignite the bunsen burner!!"

"Fun with Helium"

Ok, just drink this and make the call. Your ex definetly won't be able to know it's you!

Fun with Helium
 

"Mr. President, I don't think the American people will find it that amusing."
"Come on man, We're interrupting thier normal TV, we have to liven it up some how. Now, help me sneak this canister under the podium, I'll pretend to sneeze..."

-Edit: Deleted the cryogenic fun because explaining it will move this off topic-

Loki, I think you are thinking of nitrogen, not helium. Helium doesn't do that.

*Grinning* Man, have I got a bad one for you all.....

"If you found out one of the mods was your brother/sister/whatever"

Person 1: Wait, you're my brother and a mod of the Nuklear Power fourms?
Person 2: Yeah, how do you think all of your 10 accounts got banned the day after you registered each one?

You log on to find family pictures in the camwhore thread...

http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/5...4166829cv5.jpg

That's me holding the baby. :D

Hmm. Intriguing. I'd probably sneak on his NPF mod account & enjoy the powers of having the BahnHammer. Screwing around with people & getting my brother in trouble as well!

Great success.

That'd finally give me some leverage over the forum higher-ups.
"If you don't let me use the ban-hammer right now, I'm gonna tell Mom that you won't share your stuff with me!!!"

(And my mom's an ex-cop.)

Wouldn't that mean she'd just charge you with extortion?

Up until twelve days ago I'd say get them to get me alcohol, not that there was any difficulty really, except now I'm of age


Commit crimes with impunity knowing they'll be blamed.

Why stop at just one?
 

Me: It's so nice of you to bring me out to this big, beautiful isolated cabin in the woods, fifthfiend.
fifthfiend: Think nothing of it. Now, I have something very important to tell you:
Me: *gasps*
fifthfiend: Luuuuuke--
Me: Rebecca.
fifthfiend: *glares* You're ruining the moment. *ahem* Luuuuke, I am your brother.
Me: NO! That's impossible! *sobs*
fifthfiend: Search the paternity test--you know it to be 98.957% accurate!
Me: Oh, no...no...and I LIKED you...!
fifthfiend: Well, we'll get along, then.
Me: Um, I liked you in that way...
fifthfiend: Oh. Well, then, this must be awkward as fuck for you. *smiles*
Me: No shit. I guess that means that Dad was cheating on my mom back when he was accusing her of cheating on him.
fifthfiend: Yup, and my mom wasn't his only conquest. Ol' Dad was quite the manwhore...*grins*...and my new role model!
Me: What do you mean?
fifthfiend: I'm not your only brother...or sister, for that matter. Say hello to your other half-siblings!
Crodevillian Team: Hi!
Drooling Iguana: Yo.
krylo: ...whatever...
Kurosen: Uh...hi?
Mashirosen: Hello.
Meister: Hi there.
RaiRai: Hello!
shiney: Hi.
Viper Daimao: Hiya.
ProphetX: Hey.
Me: Wait a second...RaiRai, aren't you and shiney MARRIED? And expecting a CHILD?!
RaiRai: Yes...this all came as quite a shock.
fifthfiend: There is a silver lining to this cloud, though.
Me: Really, what's that?
krylo: INCEST PORN!
fifthfiend: I'll get the K-Y! *exits*
krylo: I'll get the camera! *exits*
Me: I'm all for leaving while they're gone. Who's with me?
Everyone but fifthfiend and krylo: Me! *they all exit*
*fifthfiend returns, carrying a case of K-Y jelly*
*krylo returns with a sophisticated camera*
fifthfiend: Aw, they're all gone.
krylo: I guess this means that we've got the cabin all to ourselves, then.
fifthfiend: Yeah...
krylo: Just the two of us...alone...
fifthfiend: ...

Fratricide.

Nuff' Said.

Edit: I do sumthing wrong? Looks like this sort of died after i posted

Erm... are we going to have a new subject? Or is this thread dead?

Damn, I just joined this, and it dies right after my post... Maybe someone should take over leadership of this?

New Subject (in honor of the new Diplomacy Game):

If Celebrities were Military Leaders...

Then somebody might actually give a shit about Paris Hilton.

A new form of goverment would be made, Idoacracy.

Nope. Re-read the rules DT. Only I can make the new topics.

"What was in Pepsi Blue"

Hey, I just bought the "Super-Duper Secret Recipe For Pepsi Blue" off of eBay!

So...
"1 package unsweetened Merry Berry Blue Kool-Aid
1 cup prune juice
2 cups corn syrup
1 liter carbonated water

In clean bowl, mix kool-aid, prune juice, and corn syrup. Introduce syrup solution to carbonated water in intermix chamber until desired level of carbonation is achieved.

Serves six brave people...or one masochist."

That Mike White...what a kidder...

"What was in Pepsi Blue"

The blood of a million widows, taken upon high to the tallest peak of the tallest mountain, where-upon it was brewed at 1000 degrees celsius for 7 1/2 days while a satanic ritualistic chanting sounded constantly throughout, after which it was left to cool in the light of the blue moon, followed by the unlight of a total eclipse while Haleys comet passed the earth. It was then cast down into the deepest recess of the planet and after falling for 2 days straight, mother Gaia herself spat it back out.

Because it was poison.

Then Zeus took it upon himself to destroy this menace before its evil could spread, but as he poured a billion volts through it for 3 days straight it simply grew more powerful than ever before. Unable to destroy it, he threw it beyond the stars where it circled the heavens for a millenia before it eventualy returned to the world of men, smashing into the ground with the force of an asteroid and causing a mass extinction on a global scale.

The final ingredient is a healthy dose of the worlds cheapest and crappest sweeteners and suger substitutes!

Pepsi Blue: The only way we could sell carbonated barbicide.

Willy Wonka and the Pepsi Factory

Charlie: Mr. Wonka, what goes into this new Pepsi Blue?

Willy Wonka: Well Charlie, I'll have my Oompa Loompas answer that in song!

Oompa Loompas: For the first batch of pepsi, our suppliers gave to me:

A partridge in a pear tree.

For the second batch of pepsi, the suppliers gave to me:

Two Turtle Doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

...

For the twelth batch of pepsi our suppliers gave to me:

5 Golden Rings! 4 calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves, AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAAAAARRRR TRRREEEEEEE!

Charlie: *Vomits uncontrolably*

In light of something that happoned to me today...

"REALLY aukward moments with your boss."

"Hey are you married?"
*Punches boss*
"What the fuck was that for?"
"Hmm? Oh, I have homo phobia."
"I was asking because I wanted to have dinner with your family to annouce your big promotion. I was planing to let you take my place."
".....................Yeah well, your gay and I quit!"
*runs off*

Boss: Did you do that project I assigned you?
You: Yes, I did sir!
Boss: Let me see. *grabs paper* NOT GOOD ENOUGH! Do it again! *burns paper*
You: But this is the tenth time I've done it, sir...

person A "and so I said, I ment the volcano not your wife"
Person B "hahahahahahaha"
Boss "I dont get it"

Boss: Have you ever farted so hard that it left a skidmark in your panties?

"And what do you want little boy?"-Boss
"Sir I'm really uncomfortable on your lap"-Worker
"Ho Ho Ho, And what do you want little boy?"-Boss
"A...a..a raise s-sir"-Worker
"At least he didn't dress you up as a naughty elf"-Secretary
"Quiet Mike"-Boss

Me: You're girlfriend's hot.
Him: Yeah, she is. She's a bitch though. You want her?
His Girlfriend: I'm in the back seat, you know.
My Girlfriend: So am I.

Boss: Hey, I heard you broke up with your girlfriend last night... That's too bad... you ok about it?
Me: Yeah, I'm fine, I'll get over it.
Boss: That's good. Hey, now that you're free again, I think I could set you up on a great date.
Me: Really? Who?
Boss: Bob from accounting
Me:... but... we're both guys...
Boss:Yeah, so?
Me: Sir, I'm not gay...
Boss: Oh...
Me: Yeah...
Boss: I am so sorry... I can't believe I... Im really really sorry...
Me: Im gonna have to ask you to leave now

Again, another thing experanced by me yesterday...

"The last thing you want to see when you wake up."

(For me, it was the fact that my fan had fallen, and the blades were about an inch from my face.)

Krylo lying next to you.

(Ninja'd as I typed! This is about the boss thing)

Mini-Boss: So there I was about to take break when a customer tells me that someone locked all the doors in the girl's bathroom, and she wanted me to open them for her. And you know those doors, you have to crawl under them to get by the door when it's locked, and I was like "I am not crawling on that filthy floor! I'll pick up something!"

Boss: Seriously? So what did you do?

Mini Boss: Oh, right about then Pyros overheard what was going on, and said he'd do it.

Boss: Really?

Mini Boss: He went and did it too! He stepped into the girl's bathroom, got on his hands and knees and crawled through each stall and unlocked each door. You should have seen the marks on his uniform! He was lucky the ground wasn't wet or anything!

Boss: Wow...I can't believe he'd go and do something like that so willingly...(Turns to Pyros, who was sitting close by as all this happened) Pyros, You actually went into the girls room and did that?

Pyros: Let's just say it wasn't the first time I've done it.

Boss: WHAT?

Pyros: ...Oh! I mean, when I was little I wasn't so masculine as I am now, and back then my sister-

Boss: You went into the girls room with your sister!??

Pyros: No! I mean, Yes! But not like that! People locked the doors like that before too! And she-

Boss: Did you just say that you locked yourself in the girls bathroom with your sister?

Pyros: NOoooooooooooooo! I'm trying to say-

Only Friend who works there: I think he's trying to say he's a transexxual.

Pyros: No I am not! Shut up you! Not helping!

(Both Boss and Mini Boss are women, and the truth of the matter was is that some jerk's habit of locking the bathroom doors isn't new, as I had to unlock the stall doors before when I was about 12, and My sister didn't want to get dirty on the bathroom floor like the Mini-Boss.)

*thing I don't want to see when I wake up*

Pyros: *wakes up* Huh?...Damn! Class isn't over yet! *goes back to sleep*

Last thing I want to see when I wake up:

*yawn* Man, what a good HOLY SHIT FLYING CAT-BEETLE HYBRIDS!!!

+win.


You're roomate having heaped all of your pizza and trash from the living room directly onto your bed- half empty coke cans included, drizzling everywhere.

There's no way someone else wouldn't have said it if I didn't. Also, I think winners should be appointed in this. It shouldn't count for anything, but it might be nice to have a reward for coming up with a good one.

Nope, since people can go more then once in this game, it'd be pointless.

I dont see how it's pontless... I mean, just because you can spew out 30 different jokes, it doesn't mean that they're good...

My former boss.

This really annoying girl who goes to my College...I would barf the moment I saw her. Literally the second it registered I would be blowing chunks. Hopefully all over her since that would make it funny.

...Or maybe Sherlock Holmes...cool in a book...not on my bed...

And because this is a "Just for laughs" thread. Not a competition.

And like in Whose Line, the points don't matter. The chuckles I get out of it do.

yaaaaawnnn.... time for a delicous...uhhh!!!......MY BUTTERFINGERS ARE GONE!!! A NINJA ATE THEM!!!
the ninja would be kinda cool, buut don't mess with my Butta'finga's!

Krylo?? Pfft. Krylo, he has some sort of decency in his own sick way. It's likely he'll have "done it" whilst you were unconcious. Now, on the other hand, we have...

The Burger King. Assuming I had the time to escape, the first thing I'd grab is my solid wooden baseball bat, two meters from my bed.

*Evil laugh* Congrats loyal...you just inspired me.

"If the Burger King is by your bed when you wake up...."

"If the Burger King is by your bed when you wake up...."

*Shits self*

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!"

I could type out the explicit version of this, but I decided to abrige this, and just tell you that it ends with him strung up upside down by his ankles, one bloody, rusty nail richer, and two testicles poorer.

It's oddly similar to the punishment for anyone that calls me a girl on these forums again.

"I'll have a small order of hash browns please."

"Oh....It's you again."

"That's right--I have your precious Burger King tied up, gagged, and stashed in my cellar. I want $10 million in ransom...and no, I will NOT accept payment in Whoppers. I want it my way, right away, or Burger King's kangaroo meat...again."

Me: "Not right now Bryan. I'm still sore."

Little known fact: The King's name is Bryan. With a Y.

"Well, hello sailor."

Cause I mean, would you piss him off?

Yep. I'd show him flame-broiled...

"If you turned invisable"

Man, pyros should have been all over that one.

Hey, I'm the origional forum Pyromanic before he ever came along.

To the girl's locker room!

I think Nikose pretty much got it. That and fucking with stupid people.

Invisibility? Muahah. Easy: run into rooms that have great echoes, convincing people I'm God.

There is just one more thing you must do, my son:

Anything, God! ANYTHING!

To prove your sense of charity and love for your neighbor... See that kid over there, with all the red?

What would you have me do, Lord?

Give him all your worldly belongings... oh, and give him My blessings.

Yes, Lord, right away! *Runs off*

Haha, too easy... Oh, ahem--Ah, yes, Mickey, what can I do for you?

It's... um, Steve, God.

Ah, yes, yes, right. Let's see here...

uhh... sorry?

If I'd turned invisible...
 

A) Jump up and down in front of my friends screaming "Look at me!" until one of them kicked me.

B) Place a trail of quarters leading into a dark alley, in the middle of the night, then when they reached the end, Jump out and yell "Boo!". After they are originally frightened, then convinced themselves that they were hearing things, I'd have sneaked behind them and yelled "Boo!" again... Repeat ad nauseum.

C) Jump in front of a moving vehicle... wait...

D) Sneak into work during my day off, and get everything done right while everyone is on lunch break. That would totally freak them out.

If I was invisible... I'd strangle Clay Aiken for ruining invisibility for everyone.

"If you were invisible"

*Robs bank*

Hehehehe....Just got a good one.


"If you found Bill Gate's account number..."

*Buys bank*

*Takes the money out*

*Gives it back to Bill Gates*

*Kills Bill Gates*

*Takes it back*

"Thats the way it's suppose to be done BITCH"

*Glances left.*
*Glances right.*
Muahahahaha!!!
*Calmly walks to bank*
*Withdraws all money.*
*Does so again every 5 seconds.*



BTW, this is based on the fact that, if Bill Gates were walking down the street and dropped some money, assuming that it takes 5 seconds to bend over pick it up and be on his merry way, it would have to be more than $500 for him to pick it up. That means in 5 seconds, he makes $500(Or is that supposed to be $5000? I forget.).

If I had Bill Gate's account number... I wouldn't have Bill Gates's personal identification. Or any way to access it. I might be able to see the balance. But probably not.

"Hello, I'd like to make a $200 deposit into this account number. Thank you, now, can we transfer that to THIS account number? Thank you!"


Which is how you steal money out of someone's account when you only have their account numbers. =D This has been your lesson in criminal activities for the day. THank you and goodnight.

If I had Bill's Account number...
 

I'd post a rather interesting personal ad on his website...

Oh, wait, you mean Bank Account number? Assuming I had access to his cash this way? I'd buy a copy of Linux...or TEN MILLION copys of Linux!

Either that or I'd post his Account Number as a comment in NPF.

It's 04993-33265-1221-01339.

:D

I'm so about to check out that number... Not really... Der...

Now post his branch Number and Bank Number and I'll be set. =D

54452 is my branch number-

The bank number is, Humourously, 001 for BMO.

EDIT: Holy fuck did you see the insurance policy he has on his money? XD

how much?

*finds Bill Gates account number*
*looks at friends*
Me: so whos first
Friends: Michael Flatly, it's time to teach that bastard how to dance