There's a reason I love pratchett. Speaking of what:
"Chaos always wins over order. It's better organized."
--Interesting Times.

More Pratchett:

"Elves are wonderful. They bring wonder.
Elves are awesome. They inspire awe.
Elves are marvellous. They create marvels.
Elves are fantastic. They fulfil fantasies.
Elves are terrific. They cause terror.

Elves are beautiful and terrible, but after
a while we forget that they were terrible,
and only remember the beauty.

If you want to find the true face of the elves,
look for them behind words that have changed
their meanings, hiding like snakes in the grass.

Nobody says elves are nice.

Elves are bad."

- Lords and Ladies.

Submitted, for your amusement and edification:

The business of the journalists is to destroy the truth, to lie outright, to pervert, to vilify, to fawn at the feet of mammon, and to sell his country and his race for his daily bread.

You know it and I know it, and what folly is this toasting an independent press?

We are the tools and vassals of rich men behind the scenes. We are the jumping jacks, they pull the strings and we dance. Our talents, our possibilities and our lives are all the property of other men. We are intellectual prostitutes."

--Jack Swinton, editor, New York Times

I never give them hell. I just tell the truth, and they think it's hell.

--Harry S Truman

...

And of course, the inevitable quote from that most quotable of quoters:

Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em.

--Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

*Scream* *slash* *thud*
"Any Questions?"
"Yeah who's that guy with the sickle? Why is he beckoning? Why is my grandfather with him?"
-Warcraft III

"A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip."

"If utter chaos was thunder and lightning, then Twoflower seemed to be the man, wearing bronze armor, standing on top of a hillock in the middle of a raging storm and screaming "All gods are bastards!"

(The following all from Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman)

"The lorry blocked the road. And the corrugated iron blocked the road. And a thirty-foot-high pile of fish blocked the road. It was one of the most effectively blocked roads the sergeant had ever seen."

"Surely you have considered terrorist activity?"

There was another pause. Then the spokesman said, in the quiet tones of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chickens somewhere, "Yes, I suppose we must. All we need to do is find some terrorists who are capable of taking an entire nuclear reactor out of its can while it's running and without anyone noticing.It weighs about a thousand tons and is forty feet high. So they'll be quite strong terrorists. Perhaps you'd like to ring them up, sir, and ask them questions in that supercilious, accusatory way of yours."

"God does not play dice with the universe: He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time."

"ALL YOU CAN HOPE FOR IS THE MERCY OF HELL."
"Yeah?"
"JUST OUR LITTLE JOKE."
"Ngk," said Crowley."

"You're Hells Angels, then? What chapter are you from?"
"REVELATIONS, CHAPTER SIX."

we want the finest wines avalable to humanity we want them here we want them now- withnail and i

the creation of god is the one thing i can never forgive humanity for - cant remember who

nam et ipsa scientia potestas est -bacon (knowledge in itself is power)

Straight from my archives, here's a few quotes from my book of army regulations!

99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
148. Putting red 'Mike and Ike's' ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.
164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
205. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")

"why don't you put that in a memo and entitle it SHIT I ALREADY KNOW"- Sarge RvB
"Simmons I want you to poisen Grif's next meal"- Sarge Rvb
And
"But how! Your dead!"
"Nonsense, I was mearly napping."
" But I tied you up and poured concrete over your grave! Just in case you came back as a zombie."
"But you made one crucial mistake... you left me my spoon."
"No!"
"Thats right! I ate my way out! The earth was like a delicious butterscotch candy to me."

-RvB

Gato, those are actually from The 213 Things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the US Army.

97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.

I see an unusual dearth of Dubya quotes, so I'll help you out.

"I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun,"

"I don't think we need to be subliminable about the differences between our views on prescription drugs"

"It's a world full of madmen and uncertainty and potential mential losses"

"I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose: you disarm, or we will."

"I love the idea of a school in which people come to get educated and stay in the state in which they're educated"

"The Bob Jones policy on interracial dating, I mean I spoke out on interracial dating. I spoke against that. I spoke out against interracial dating. I support the policy of interracial dating"

" I think we agree, the past is over"

-George W. Bush.

Our president.