Funny RP Sessions
 

Have you ever had an RP session that was just really fucking hysterical?

I wonder because today me and a few friends had a rather eventful one.

We were in 9th period, and we had a piece of paper and were deciding what to actually play (note: we never actually got anywhere with the RP), and so a group of 3 girls come to sit next to us to watch. Here's how it starts.

Me: Ok, you guys can pick a class. You can be, a Swordsman, Spearman, Barbarian, and umm... Archer.
Micheal: I wanna be a swordsman.
Will: Dude. I so want to be an Acolyte.
Me: Right, Swords and Priest Boy with a big mace.
Will: You have no idea how big the mace is.
Me: ...Right...

Now at this point the girls are like what are you guys doing? And so we say...

Micheal: We are playing a role game...
Me: What the hell is a role game?
Micheal: Role game, RPG, whatever.
Honey: So like, what are you guys roles?
Me: Well, Will is a priest boy... with a BIG MACE.

At this point the girls start giggling cuz it was, well, a dirty joke.

Me: And Micheal has plenty of "special" swords (I even did the hand thing for the quotes).
Holly: But doesnt that hurt you?

Given the circumstance she was kicking Micheal's leg and wasnt paying attention to our conversation but it sounded SO bad.

Honey: So what are you, David?
Me: I am DM. Deus Ex Machina.
Courtney: What?
Me: Im god! So when I say bend over, you better bend over! ...err. Fuck! I meant... dammit.

It just kinda... went from there. With really bad sex jokes. And about elves having pointy everything. Ehhh. XD

Anyway. Share your thoughts... comments... jokes. Bad stories. Heh.

Moving to Roleplaying.

I saw that coming...

The first funny RP thing I can think up is the recap Ren did in the Rebirth of Destruction going on in this forum. I don't do a lot of non-RP forums, so it's the best I've got. Also, the omakes around here can be pretty good at times.

Alright, here's one. It's kinda old so the quotes probably won't be exact... anyway, myself (playing a character named Alucard), and Ren (playing a character named... Ren) were playing a MUD known as AtP together. Alucard was a 1 foot tall evil faerie... Ren was also a foot tall evil faerie. Anyway, Alucard decided to destroy the shrine of the god of flames, Themes... and happened to run into a PC worshipper on the way out. This is about how it goes:

Worshipper: Why did you kill the priest!?
Alucard: ...I felt like it.
Worshipper: I won't let you get away with this!
Ren: You're going to stop him? Hahahahaha!
Worshipper: Yeargh! *attacks*
Alucard: *doesn't fight back for a moment (I turned his hands off before he hit the guy) and starts looking through his bottomless pouch* Hmm... let's see here, ah yes, this Teddy Bear should work. *Pulls out the teddy bear, (I turn on the hand holding the teddy bear and put him into mood stun so he doesn't kill the guy) and commences to beat the crap out of him.*
Worshipper: (ooc) Those little buttons hurt!
Ren: HAHahahahaha!
Alucard: (after destroying at least one of his limbs with the teddy bear). This seems to be a bit of over kill... *puts the teddy bear away and takes out a sheet of paper, and commences to beat the guy senseless with a... sheet... of... paper*
Worshipper: My limbs! *after having them all destroyed*
Alucard: *knocks him unconcious, still using a piece of paper, and drags him away*

How do you kill someone with a sheet of paper? And wouldn't a follower of a fire god know some fire magic?

He did know some fire magic... but there wasn't anyway to target someone's items... and he couldn't hurt Alucard with anything he had.

As for killing someone with a sheet of paper... well he didn't really kill him, just ruined all his limbs. And um... severe paper cuts? Like papercut from Pete & Pete, I guess.

I didn't write the code for allowing someone to use paper as a weapon. You could also use anything else you could hold in your hand as a weapon... including some small NPCs (cats and dogs)

He was a n00b. And Alucard was just that strong. I once beat the shit out of someone with a broom on that MUD.

From the campaign in which this persona was born...

We needed to get into a theives guild, but they wouldnt let us in. An idea struck me. I declared my character dropped her pants and instructed the werewolf of the group to hoist my "rear" to the door's peephole. The theif happily let us in under the incentive of getting some action from yours truely. The death cleric pestered me OOC about charging the thief for half the session. Later:

Cleric: You should charge him!
Me: NO! I am not charging the theif to do my character... I'm charging his friends *dramatic pause* to watch!
Cleric: O_O WTF? *overreacts and yells at my fiance, demanding to know why he isnt bothered by my comment*
Fiance and guy playing werewolf: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
DM: Gawdamnit what have I done?

Might be a "had to been there" moment, but it's funny as hell to me.

1: It was an arena fight. After defeating a demon(male) the human ranger(male) went up to it's dead corpse and raped it! The rogue was disgusted that he would do such a thing and sliced his head off, to the delight of the crowd!

2: The next fight in the arena. A mindflayer steps out and hits the rogue with a suggestion spell. He suggests that he attack the gnome(druid) that was across the arena. The rogue failed the save and began attacking the druid until it fell unconcious at -8.

3: While the above event was occuring the flayer cast charm monster on the druid's animal companion and asked it to attack the robed person(human psion) on left side of the arena. The panther mauled the psion down to -2, then the mindflayer died from some poison(thrown right before the rogue was hit by the spell) and the spells dissapated.

4: Later the PC's went to the local tavern. The psion wanted to get some information to use in an adventure so he offereed to buy the bards(both male) a drink. The bards accepted and ordered some drinks. The psion failed to notice that they'd hardly had any while he'd had quite a few. The bards used thier bardic music and some charm spells on him...the psion woke up naked between them the next morning .

I posted this b4 but nobody replied

Once, in a Star Wars MUD, I played a young Jedi named Pixli. Now, Pixli was not your ordinary Jedi. She was...rather eccentric. One day, she almost got killed for running a (harmless) errand to Coruscant and caused a whole bunch of trouble with the Empire. So she sent a letter of apology and a cookie to the Emperor. This is the letter and the letters that followed.

Subject: I'm sorry, Mr. Emperor-Person
To: Sidius
Dear Mr.
Emperor-person-man,
I'm really sorry I went to your planet without your permission and stuff,
but I really, really needed to talk to this guy real quick and didn't plan
on being there for long but if I knew it was gonna be such a big problem I
wouldn't have gone.
So I'm sending you this to make for it and hope we can still be friends.


Much Love,
Pixli


P.S. I think Coruscant is a really, really neat place and it's really
pretty...but it'd be a little prettier if you had some flowers growing
there and maybe a little glitter too. Just a suggestion.


Subject: thanks for the cookie
To: Pixli
Dear Pixli,

I would be pleased if you did come to Coruscant to visit me
sometime, you seem rather nice, perhaps you could bring
me some flowers to plant in the garden and we could have
some tea, I will save the cookie you sent me for that
very occasion. However, you are not invited to
come to coruscant under any notion or whim, and your
master is very aware of the reason why not.

Emperor Palpatine


Subject: You're welcome!
To: Sidius
Dear Mr. Emperor,
Thank you for writing me back! I really wish I could come visit Coruscant
too, but there are these scary Dark Jedi people there and I'm a bit afraid
because I don't want to fight them. Letters, however, are no
problem!
I'm glad you decided to accept the cookie because they're really hard to
find! Maybe you should make a Cookie Branch in the Empire? I think the
Stormies would enjoy work more if they got free cookies!
So how has your day been? Mine has been really boring because there are
only like three other Jedi and I hardly see them anymore. I imagine you
must get a little more excitement being the Emperor and all...except all
your Sith friends seem so
serious!
Why is that?

Hey, would you mind if I called you Mr. Pal?

Everyone says you're really mean and stuff, but I don't think they know
what they're talking about. You seem really nice!

Anyway, I'm really sure you're really busy and stuff, so I'll wrap this
up.

Much Love and May the Force be with you,
Pixli

P.S. Please write back again!


Subject: Please write me back sometime!
To: Sidius
Dear Mr. Emperor,
Hi again. I'm really bored, and one of my Jedi friends is being mean to me.
He won't help me get my Jedi Robe thingie. And I worked really hard to get
the material for it, too!
It's cloudy here, so I can't see the stars which kinda sucks. And it's dark
so I can't enjoy the view from the balcony here either.
It's really pretty here in the daytime though. Flowers and trees and grass
and stuff! That's where I got those flowers I sent you. Did you like them?
I had to go to Hapes to get the tea though. Just tell me if you ever need
more.
Hey, do you know what a pink rosetta crystal is? One of my friends gave me
one, but I have no idea what it is or anything! I was gonna make a
lightsaber with it...it's really pretty though, so I'm not sure I wanna
use it like
that.
I'm glad you took those weird shield things on Coruscant down...I used to
go to the landing pad a lot and watch the ships take off and leave...Even
though I can't do it anymore, I'm glad you let other people have the
opportunity.
I think your Sith friends would be a lot less grumpy if the atmosphere in
the Citadel were happier. It's so boring and militant, you know? All that
grey and durasteel and
stuff...
I heard about what happened recently on Coruscant surface. I'm really sorry
that happened! Is Mr. Rennes okay? Send him my love for me and my regards
for his safety. Mr. Veronas, too, I guess...I don't want to leave anyone
out!
I wish I could personally give you and all the Impies a big hug but that's
not possible so just tell them I wish them the best, okay?

Thanks.

Love and Best Wishes,
Pixli


Subject: Please, please write back!
To: Sidius
Dear Mr. Emperor,

It's me again!

How come you don't write me back much? I guess you must be really busy...Oh
well.

I went to Corellia! It's really pretty...trees and flowers and water and
stuff. Do you go there much? You should. It'd be a nice place for a
picnic!

I also included another gift for you with this letter. Hope I didn't leave
anything out and hope you enjoy it!

All my love,
Pixli


That was the last one she wrote before she tracked him down and presented him with a pink porcelain teapot and teacups and asked him to play tea party with her. Among the gifts she sent him were: a bunch of tea, some flowers, and a hand-made Imperial Citadel playset complete with figurines.

Now, on the other hand, I also had a Galactic Stripper character. Yep. And she carried around a briefcase full of sex toys and porn.

You can imagine what that was like when all the Imperial lackeys wanted to do a standard container search. She also kept all her stuff in her cleavage, which had been specially tinkered with by the admin to have infinite space. We once put a whole ISD in there.