FOWL BEGINS LIFE OF CRIME
 

They say criminals always start out small... petty theft, robbery, assault. Later in life, they move on to bigger and better things such as grand larceny and auto theft.

This bird is a bad apple. Sure, he's only taking crisps (aka CHIPS), but its the manner that he does it. He clearly has no regard for law and order, much less authority. This apple is rotten to the core. He has already perfected his MO, waiting until the coast is clear to make a swipe. Will he stop at nothing to feed his addiction? He must be stopped, before he convinces other fowls to make the same life-choices he has.

Aflac!

HAD to.

It was only a matter of time before humanity's selfish nature was passed down to the lowly seagulls. This petty theft only marks the beginnings of what may become a widespread siege on our chips. Yes, before long, seagulls all over will be assailing are stores, and robbing us of everything we hold dear. Now is the time to act! I believe President Bush has already set up a campaign for what he calls the "War on Seagulls."

The problem is that once these gulls enter the system, they are virtually treated like caged animals. They come out even worse than when they went in, and they are armed with new tricks they pick up from their penitentiary buddies. The scum!

I might be thinking of a different animal, but isn't there some common substance that makes seagulls swell up and die? Major chips manufacturors need to start flavouring their chips with it.

It's happened! The 'gulls are taking back what's theirs!!! Run for the hillls!!!!!

Seriously, that is awesome.

This is what passes as news these days?

So sad...

Alkaseltzer. I've done it... poor bird.

Yeah, Alka Seltzer does the trick.

*Has fond memories of blowing up birds*

This is only the beginning - mark my words, the birds will soon rule us. I for one welcome our new feathered overlords. The non-believers shall suffer in a way that is most befitting of the people that blow up birds for fun.

Once while cleaning blown in asbestos insulation out of an attic a coworker came across a next of baby birds... He sucked them up with a vacuum cleaner. They wouldn't fit down the hose initially so he would get them from the bottom and suck them off of their heads, then smash the skull and down they'd go.

I spent my time catching the stupid birds by hand, decontaminating them and releasing them. That guy was a crazy jerk.

Bah, I'm not impressed by this story.

Seagulls are natural thieves, anyways. Go to any place where you try to feed any other kind of animal, and seagulls are there, waiting to pluck out of the grasp of the other animal, or any human not paying attention.

I've seen whole cups of sardines carried off by seagulls at Sea World, so a bag of chips does not impress me...they're just skipping the step of waiting for someone to take the bag of chips to the beach.

Oi, this mean if I go over there and steal something, the locals will pay for it too? There's a few cars out there I've had my eye on....

You're always welcoming our new <adjective> overlords. Where's your loyalty to the badger overlords from like two weeks ago?

Those badgers were like, two weeks ago, man! Get with the times! ...Just 'cause I'm submissive doesn't mean you halfta point it out!

Well, if birds are derived from dinosaurs then maybe they've realized that the time is ripe for them to reclaim this planet.

Heh. That's hilarious.

We've got groups of seagulls down in Revere beach, groups, who for years have been notorious for snatching fries and hot dogs, buns and all, right out of peoples hands (There's a diner right across the street). I see they've stepped up.