Where's all the House MD quotes? D:

Lola: He drops clean urine, denies using steroids, and you're giving him a drug for what, steroid abuse?
Dr. Gregory House: No, no, it's not. No, it's got calcium in it. It's very good for the bones. Basically, at a molecular level, it's just milk.
[Lola leaves]
Dr. Gregory House: How long do you figure before I get a call from Cuddy?
__________________________________________________
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You put him on Lupra?
Dr. Gregory House: Uh-huh.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: And you told them it was like milk?
Dr. Gregory House: Yes.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Is there any way in which that is not a lie?
Dr. Gregory House: It's creamy.
_____________________________________
[Cameron is in the lab working on some equipment]
Dr. Gregory House: Mixing up some margaritas? Mine's a double, Senorita. That's Portuguese you know.
Dr. Cameron: [too quietly] Spanish.
Dr. Gregory House: Uh-oh. What's going on?
Dr. Cameron: I'm re-calibrating the centrifuge.
Dr. Gregory House: Turn around.
[she's been crying]
Dr. Gregory House: It's a very sad thing, an un-calibrated centrifuge. It makes me cry too.
_______________________________
Dr. Gregory House: [trying to get Cuddy to leave the room by admitting malpractice] So there I was, in the clinic, drunk, so I opened the drawer, closed my eyes, grabbed the first syringe I could find...

(Discussing the dangers of a brain biopsy)
House: Why don't we biopsy something safer? Like, her shoes!

And in the vein of medical shows:

Baby Jack from Scrubs: I pooped in my bed so I put it on the TV.

JD from Scrubs: I DON'T HAVE GAY JUNGLE FEVER!

My favorite quote is the entirity of Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

Also, from The Warriors:
"YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE ORPHANS!" *holding up a straightrazor*

Here, eat this
Is it dangerous?
Well yea its LSD!
Just eat it, it's fun and it's legal

Perfect hair forever.

This might be funnier in context, so I'll dress it up a little.

Leo gets sucked into an alternate dimension and doesn't know it. He's supposed to meet the group at the train station, and he goes there and nobody is there. In the real dimension, the rest of the group is waiting for him at the train station. He calls Momoko's cell phone, and tells them he's at the train station and nobody is there.

"You smoked ALL of it, didn't you?" ~ Hajime, Ghost Stories

Groundhog Day:
Phil: What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?
Some Guy: That about sums it up for me.

Futurama:
Leela: And not one of those bogus everyday miracles like a sunrise. (see: sig)

Arrested Development:
Register Lady: You here to buy, or are ya just curious?
Tobias: I suppose I'm buy-curious!

Edit: Oh yeah, Get a Life:
*Chris and his Father are stuck in a Submarine upstairs in a flooding bathtub, and water is leaking through the floor onto Chris's Mom's newspaper*
Chris's Mom: Why am I sweating so much? *shrugs*

Scrubs.

Hooch: So, I hear you're responsible for my...brothy predicament. Do it again and I'll take one of your fingers. That'll be my funny joke.



J.D. has told Hooch not to let anyone off of an elevator.
J.D.: Oh no! Hooch!
There is an unconscious man laying in front of Hooch, who is brandishing a shoe.
Hooch: Who else thinks they're faster than me!?

MICHAEL: OK, what you gotta do, is... you oughtta carry around a tape recorder, and just record everything you say. I think you'll be surprised at the results.

GOB: It's not a trick, Michael. It's an illusion! A trick is what a whore does for money!
(MiCHAEL indicates a group of kids who had been watching GOB's show.)
GOB: ... or cocaine!

Dang, Hooch is crazy.

30 Rock
Dr. Spaceman: There's not really a name for what Tracy has. Basically, it's erratic tendencies and delusions brought on by excessive notoriety, and certainly not helped by my wildly experimental treatments. [Laughs] Boy, I'm being awfully open with you, Miss. I should not have taken those blue things.

How I Met Your Mother
Ted: Marshall...you up for some super-loud repetitive music that hasn't changed since the mid-90's?
Marshall: Um...only always!

I just love this one
Mobster: *gun at his head* "N-no, no I dont want to die!"
Rosner: "Of course you dont. That is why I am going to kill you."