Favorite lines of all time!
 

What are some of your favorite lines from anything on a screen, of all time?

Some of my favorites include my favorite Scrubs joke ever.

The main character is trying to sneak out of the hospital before someone asks him to do something and is doing so by hiding in a body bag. The coroner rolls into into the elevator when this exchange happens.

Body Bag: Can you hit lobby?
Coroner: AAAAAAH! *hits bag with a fire extinguisher*
JD: Doug! Doug! It's me! Why were you hitting me!?
Coroner: I thought you were a dead person coming back to life.
JD: ....SO WHY WERE YOU HITTING ME!?
Coroner: Dead people should be dead...

"Wahoo! I'm a delivery boy!"

There's something about The Doctor Dances episode of Doctor Who that makes me giggle (well, a lot actually), and this is certainly the best:

The time travel trio tries to escape from the Empty Child zombies.

Doctor: It's keeping us here till it can get at us.
Captain Jack: It's controlling them?
Doctor: It is them. It's every living thing in this hospital.
Captain Jack: Takes out his gun. Okay. This can function as a sonic blaster, a sonic cannon, and it's a triple-enfolded sonic disruptor. Doc, what you got?
Doctor: Takes out his asset from his pocket. I've got a sonic... Never mind.
Captain Jack: What?
Doctor: It's sonic, okay? Let's leave it at that.
Captain Jack: Disruptor? Cannon? What?
Doctor: It's sonic, totally sonic, I am soniced up.
Captain Jack: A sonic what?!
Doctor: SCREWDRIVER!!!


Talking about Doctor Who, The Girl in the Fireplace, just for the sheer beauty of it:

The Doctor is reading Reinette's mind, and she is being quite flirty about it.

Doctor: Oh, actually, there's a door just there, you might want to close... Oh. Actually, several.
Madame de Pompadour: To walk among the memories of another living soul. Do you ever get used to this?
Doctor: I don't make a habit of it.
Madame de Pompadour: How can you resist?
Doctor: What age are you?
Madame de Pompadour: So impertinent a question so early in the conversation. She opens her eyes. How promising.
Doctor: Not my question. Theirs. You're twenty-three and for some reason that means you're not old enough. Reinette shudders. Sorry. You might find old memories reawakening. Side effect.
Madame de Pompadour: Oh, such a lonely childhood.
Doctor: It will pass. Stay with me.
Madame de Pompadour: Oh, Doctor. So lonely. So very, very alone.
Doctor: What do you mean, alone? You've never been alone in your life. He opens his eyes, incredulous. When did you start calling me Doctor?
Madame de Pompadour: Such a lonely little boy. Lonely then and lonelier now. She looks at him straight into the eye. How can you bear it?
Doctor: He backs away. How did you do that?
Madame de Pompadour: A door once opened may be stepped through in either direction. Oh, Doctor. My lonely Doctor. Dance with me.
Doctor: I can't.
Madame de Pompadour: Dance with me.
Doctor: This is the night you dance with the king.
Madame de Pompadour: Then first I shall make him jealous.
Doctor: I can't.
Madame de Pompadour: Doctor. Doctor who? It's more than just a secret, isn't it?
Doctor: Brief pause. What did you see?
Madame de Pompadour: That there comes a time, Time Lord, when every lonely little boy must learn how to dance.

Reinette takes him away and they dance.


And Blink (this hasn't come out on Sci-Fi):

Doctor: People assume that time is a strict progression of cause-to-effect, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbley-wobbley... timey-wimey... stuff.


I need to watch something else than Doctor Who. I wrote all of that out of memory.

From Carnivàle:

Justin: I'm reminded of the phrase "making a deal with the devil".
Tommy Dolan: Aw, come on. I'm not that bad.
Justin: No. You're not.

from futurama
Bender: Sure, but you might have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by devil I mean robot devil, and by metaphorically I mean get your coat.

Perfect hair forever: Your such a pussy cat man
Bleach
Kisuke: I do believe you killed my hat.
Kon: *to cat form Yourichi* yea you better run, pussy.

sure I could think of several more, but that can wait

Oh and this one, I have no idea what its from , but I just found it awesome
b-but your dead...
*shrugs* I got better

This is a line from Doctor Who that I ought to use more often in everyday conversation:

"It would take far too long to try and explain that to you." -The third Doctor (Jon Pertwee), when asked why the TARDIS is bigger inside than out

Also, speaking of that scene from "The Doctor Dances", Neko, can you recall the exact line about the Doctor explaining why he made the Sonic Screwdriver? I loved it at the time I heard it--something about being bored, putting up shelves...I adored that ep and "The Empty Child", partly because its comedy was pulled off so well in a genuinely chilling atmosphere...

Ask and you shall receive!

The Doctor, Jack, and Rose succesfully escape from the Empty Child zombies.

Rose: Doctor, are you okay?
Doctor: Could've used a warning.
Rose: The gratitude.
Captain Jack: Who has a sonic screwdriver?
Doctor: I do.
Rose: Lights?
Captain Jack: Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, "Ooh, this could be a little more sonic?"
Doctor: What, you've never been bored?
Rose: There's got to be a light switch.
Doctor: Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?

Rose then finds the light switch, and they discover the room is full of gas mask zombies.

I just love how they completely forgot about the woman with them. Freud would be so proud.

Also, sorry for not having PMed you yet. I just don't have the stamina right now to write a response.


Favourite line of the classic series? I'll explain later.

'S all right. You jogged my memory of one of the scenes from new Doctor Who that I actually and unreservedly adore. Damn, "Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?" almost sounds like something I'd hear out of the Fourth Doctor. It's just that good.

By the way--if you want a quotable show, you could do a lot worse than Red Dwarf:


(from "Demons and Angels": Lister and co. have inadvertently split all of the Red Dwarf, including themselves, into "high" and "low" versions, in order to reunite which--or face destruction at the hands of their Low selves--they must enter the Low ship and find part of the triplicator which caused the problem in the first place.)

Dave Lister: Holy smeg!
Low Arnold Rimmer: Hello, my pretty.
Lister: What do you want with me?
Low Rimmer: I want to hurt you.
Lister: Why?
Low Rimmer: Because...I'm not a very nice person.

(Low Arnold Rimmer produces an iridescent blue whip, and lashes Lister with it. Lister clutches at his head where the lash struck him.)
Lister: A holo-whip!
Low Rimmer: I'm going to lash you to within an inch of your life. And then...I'm going to have you.


(from "Terrorform": Arnold Rimmer has been captured by and is at the mercy of physical manifestations of his subconscious mind--and Arnold rimmer's subconscious mind is a terrible place to be, especially for him. In fact, he's about to be sacrificed to what is only referred to as "the Unspeakable One":)
Rimmer: (slightly uncertainly) Boy, am I glad to see you. You must be the Unspeakable One. Just to fill you in, there's been a gigantic administrative cockup. Some of your staff have somehow mistaken me for a virgin--
Unspeakable One: Stop your putrid whining, you daft tuft of rectal pubic hair.
Rimmer: Sorry. Yes. I do tend to jabber on a bit when I'm nervous...

"You may have my soul, but you don't have my spirit!"
--Ghost Rider

I almost peed myself laughing at that line, I mean you know a line is cheesy when a 10 yr old kid groans behind you at it.

Also, what was with all the pointing?

Just the absolute total best line
The first time I saw it, I had to pause the video because I was laughing too hard to watch the movie.


Other favourites

-Goldfinger


-Die Hard


-Apocalypse Now

"I am here to educate you about the single biggest threat to our planet. You see, there is something out there which threatens our very existence and may be the end to the human race as we know it. I'm talking, of course, about Manbearpig. It is a creature which roams the Earth alone. It is half man, half bear, and half pig. Some people say that Manbearpig isn't real. Well, I'm here to tell you now, Manbearpig is very real, and he most certainly exists. I'm serial. Manbearpig doesn't care who you are or what you've done. Manbearpig simply wants to get you. I'm super serial. But have no fear because I am here to save you. And someday, when the world is rid of Manbearpig, everyone will say, 'Thank you Al Gore! You're super awesome!' The end."-probably my favorite passage from South Park.

And now a quote from Curb your Enthusiasm-

-"THERE IS NO FUCKING TOOTH FAIRY!" Ah, Larry David, where would I be without you?

Speaking of favorite lines, I have a question, "Conan, what is best in life?"

"So... i notice your house smells of feces. And not just HUMAN feces."
-Homer Simpson

"I want to learn how to blow shit up with my mind."
-Crazy guy from Accepted

Awww, MB you dropped the ball!

Come on, we need atleast one Beast Wars quote
"aww what horrible pain. I think I'll deepen it."
-Rampage

Some of my favourites one-liners:

Milhouse, baby! Lionel Hutz, your lawyer, agent, bodyguard, unauthorized biographer, and drug dealer...er...keeper-awayer. Lionel Hutz, The Simpsons

Hold that life boat! I have a heart condition... and I'm a woman! Bill MacNiel, Newsradio

Dames are a lot like a jar of mustard. But when you don't use them, they just sit there... on the shelf... in a jar... labelled... mustard. Space Ghost, Space Ghost Coast to Coast

And now for some exchanges:

Sealab 2021
Murphy : Marduk? Who's that?
Stormy : Marduk, son of Ia, slayer of Tiamat.
Marco : Marduk rules.
Murphy : He totally does.
Debbie : I want Marduk, slayer of Tiamat, to dwell inside me!
Stormy : Marduk desires not your desicated viscera.
Murphy : He totally doesn't.

Curb your Enthusiasm (could be considered offensive)
Counselor : Could you state your name, sir?
Larry : Larry David.
Counselor : Have you ever served on a jury before?
Larry : No.
Counselor : Is there any reason you can think of that you'd not be able to decide this case impartially?
Larry : I don't know if I could be impartial, given that the defendant is a negro.
(Shocked silence)
Larry : Problem?

The Venture Brothers
Priest : Give me the hand of Osiris!
Dr. Venture : Give me head.
Priest : You didn't just say that.
Dr. Venture : I did. Now deal with it.
Priest : I'm going to kill your kids now, you realize that right?
Dr. Venture : Meh, get in line.

Another Beast Wars quote (from an early episode). I love it because of its sheer trying-to-sound-hip-ness.

"WHOA! Shift your scanners to east, there, fellas! This party's got BIG TIME CRASHERS!" -Ratrap (From where Optimus and Dinobot fight in the 2nd or 3rd episode)

This one from FF8:

Zell: Can I see your gunblade?
Squall: No.
http://fromearth.net/LetsPlay/FF8/Up...FVIII-0024.jpg I got this from here, which has a bunch of other favourite quotes of mine. Just found it in this last edit!
That's probably misquoted somehow (I played that part a long time ago) but I love his use of "scrooge".

"I couldn't think as slow as you if I tried," ~the Rat (The Core)

From Ghosts of Onyx, by Eric Nylund.

Kelly took three sidesteps as the ground where she had been standing vaporized. Globules of molten rock spattered off her MJOLNIR armor's energy shield.

She made an ancient and arcane gesture at the machine with one finger.

Mark joined Holly and Kurt. "No way," he breathed. ~Fin


From Donnerjack, by Roger Zelazny and Jane Lindskold.

Death's grin was skeletal, without humor. "His strengths are not the magical powers discovered in the time of need by a hero in a fable, nor are they deus ex machina so honored by the earliest playwrights, but they are strengths nonetheless,"

"I want them buried in ant hills, their bodies smeared with honey," Charles Emerson Winchester III (MASH).

I've got more, but that's all I can think of for now.

Raphael:"You guys must be studying from the 'Abridged Book of Ninja Fighting'. I mean c'mon how do you guys expect to beat me?"
*Ninjas begin circling around Raph*
Raphael:"Good answer. Good answer."
~Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

In that vein,
Steel is strong but flesh is stronger! What is the sword compared to the hand that wields it?

Contemplate this on the tree of woe.

HIGHLANDER

"There can only be one highlander!"

"Grab a beer, there's a cold one in the fridge."
"I know - it's my fridge."

*More to come*

...?

I did what now?

I asked the famous, "What is best in life?" and you failed to reply with the correct response! I am saddened!

Hot water, good dentistry, and soft lavatory paper.

Damn it Roy, you really are evil!

Stop it, stop it! This objectification of women has to stop!
It's just Mom and whores.

*sigh* Fine.

[arnold]To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.[/arnold]

More classic Doctor Who, because I haven't inflicted enough on you:

"There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes." -the Fourth Doctor (Tom Baker)

"Before you start annihilating the thing, why don't we just take a look at it?" -the Third Doctor (Jon Pertwee), probably to the Brigadier

And a classic from Red Dwarf:

from "Inquisitor": Each of the Dwarfers is being judged by the Inquisitor, who has decided that the fairest judge of the worth of each of their lives is--although it's a bit metaphysical--themselves. Here's the Cat's trial:
Cat: Hi, buddy!
Inquisitor (Cat): This is your judgment day, bud. I gotta be cruel! There can be no favors.
Cat: I'm hearing you on FM!
Inquisitor (Cat): I have to ask you the question: justify your existence--what contribution have you made?
Cat: I have given pleasure to the world because I have such a beautiful ass!
Inquisitor (Cat): Well, that's true.
Cat: Can I go now?
Inquisitor (Cat): That's your case?
Cat: You need more?
Inquisitor (Cat): Some might say that's a pretty shallow argument.
Cat: Some might say I'm a pretty shallow guy--but a shallow guy with a great ass.

"Rule 1: Never underestimate a little wrinkly old bald man who smiles all the time."

"Rule 19: Always remember never to forget Rule 1. And ask yourself, why did they come up with it in the first place?"

"She never would have known she was living in Heaven."

"Maybe they're just wrong. Maybe you're just wrong. Maybe I'm just wrong."

"Take a light into the dark places."

"That's how it goes." "No, you mean that's how it should go."

"That's how it goes." "No, this is how it shouldn't go."

"AH, MATHS. I GENERALLY GET NO FARTHER THAN SUBTRACTION."

"PEOPLE HAVE SUGGESTED A LITTLE LEVITY WOULD LIGHTEN THE OCCASION."

"It costs quite a lot of money to look this cheap."

"I'm in touch with my inner child." *slap!* "Hi! I'm the inner babysitter!"

Speaking of, Fifth--one of my favorites, from Night Watch:

"That was always the dream, wasn't it? 'I wish I knew then what I know now'? But when you got older, you found out that you now wasn't you then. You then was a twerp. You then was what you had to be to start out on the rocky road of becoming you now, and one of the rocky patches on that road was being a twerp.

A much better dream, one that'd ensure sounder sleep, was not to know now what you didn't know then."

Oh, and becasue I like to indulge my need to feel superior, the quote I think you're looking for with that last one is "Yes, it costs a lot of money to look as cheap as this, sergeant." Don't hurt me too much for correcting you =P ; I just had the book handy and that is an excellent scene...

"Are you username 'Ladiesman217'?!"
"what?"
"Are you username 'Ladiesman217'?!!"
"yea..."
"Where is eBay item 21153? WHERE ARE THE GLASSES?!"
- Transformers


I just watched that movie, so it's very memorable for me.

one of my favorite Futurama quotes

Fry: What really killed the dinosaurs


Giant Brain: ME!

No worries*, those were pretty much all from memory so I suspect they're all off to one degree or another.



*Haw haw

"SCOOTY PUFF JUNIOR SUUUUUUUUCKS!"

Only thing better was that the other one said "Scooty Puff Senior: the doom bringer"

I always thought the best parts of Night Watch was where Vimes tried to reason out Lu-Tze's explanations. "That's not right at all, but a very good lie!"

Also, my favorite singular Futurama quote hovers between Hermes's "That raises even more questions!" when Bender starts smoking underwater, or the Professor's "Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords, cruel though they may be."

Just random quotes:

"I'm gonna sew your ass up and keep feeding you and feeding you and feeding you!"

I've always thought Honor was a good name for a girl.
Oh, you know how mean kids can be. "Did you get Honor? I got Honor!"
Of course I got Honor, she's easy!
Turk, that's your daughter!
I know :(

You smart enough to play stupid?
I am so smart, I'm practically retarded.

I'm not saying it's a great Hodgkins, it's a good Hodgkins.

Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
A picture of me?
No! The definition of the word "idiot"! Which you fucking are!

"I hope all your children have very small dicks! And that includes the girls!"

"If the apocalypse comes, beep me." - Buffy Summers

And another funny Buffy quote

The Judge (Big blue unstoppable ancient demon): "No weapon forged can harm me!"
Buffy: "That was then," *Raises rocket launcher*, "this is now."

The Judge: "What's that do?"

BOOM!

This one came entirely from mind though. >_>

*looks at mushroom cloud*
"What is that?"
"Its a giant mushroom! MAYBE ITS FRIENDLY!"

Dont you love a drugged up Sokka

Final Fantasy IV

Tellah: YOU SPOONY BARD!!


Final Fantasy VI

Kefka: Wait? Do I look like a waiter?


Kefka: Son of a submariner!!

GEORGE SR.: A husband and wife cannot be convicted of the same crime!
MICHAEL: Yeah, I don't think that's true, Dad.
GEORGE SR.: I have the worst fucking attorneys.

(A longish one)
MICHAEL: You probably don't even know what this charity auction's for.
LINDSAY: The wetlands.
MICHAEL: To do what with them?
LINDSAY: To dry them.
MICHAEL: To save them.
LINDSAY: From drying!

GEORGE: There was 20 grand in that banana stand!

LUCILLE: There were 20 CCs of your father in that banana stand!

TOBIAS: Oh, no, Michael. I blue myself.
MICHAEL: There's gotta be a better way of saying that.

TROY: Referring to Veronica's car. Flat?
VERONICA: Just as God made me.

Some from Ghostbusters:

At least one from Aliens:

And what is probably my favorite quote from the Indiana Jones films:
http://img523.imageshack.us/img523/2...ewed0fqnr8.gif


Oh, and I almost forgot this one from Stargate: SG-1:

http://img383.imageshack.us/img383/2...1anigifct1.gif

Transformers' best line

S7 Dude: I'm going to count to 5.
Soldier: Well I'm going to count to 3.

From Studio 60:

Jack:Can't you air the dress rehearsal?
Cal:Well...you know how we record in RGB?
Jack:Yeah.
Cal: We forgot the B.
Jack: You forgot to record the color blue?!

...

Jack: Please broadcast in the full spectrum of colors.
Cal: Try my best.
Jack: Gonna be a good show tonight?
Cal: Can't see how.

You know what's even better than normal quotes? Tick Quotes!

"Roof pig! Most unexpected!"

"You're not going crazy, Arthur! You're going sane in a crazy world!"

"This wine is delicious!"
"Mmm, yes, very grape."

"Good boy Speak!"
"...I love you."
"Right on!"

Those are just the first to come to mind. I managed to fill an entire two pages of my friend's yearbook with Tick quotes back in high school...

Boondocks:
"A nigga moment"

Saint's Row:
"When I find (a certain person), I'm gonna skullf*** that b**ch!"
*pause*
"Hope you don't mind hepatitis."
"...What?"

Advance Wars DS:
"Jugger has no need for hair."

Also, I like pretty much all of this: (profanity warning)
http://members.shaw.ca/rlongpre01/moon_tiny.jpg

More Buffyverse greatness, because I can:

"I must be the only girl in school who has the coroners office bookmarked as a favourite place." -Willow.

"I laugh in the face of danger, the I hide till it goes away." -Xander.

"Oh good, the feeble banter portion of the fight." -The Master.

"Now, I know you haven't been in the game for a while mate, but we still do kill people. Sort of our raison d'etre, you know?" -Spike, to a recently dark-sided Angel.

"Darn, I have cheerleading practice tonight. If I knew you were going to be digging up dead people sooner I would've cancelled." -Cordelia.

"Well, we could grind our enemies bones into talcum powder with a sledgehammer but, gosh, we did that last night." -Xander, on deciding what to do for the night.

And a few more dialogs:

Xander [talking about a disgusting parasite insect demon that the group are examining]: Can I just say, for the record, bleargghh!!
Buffy: I see your "bleargghh" and raise you a "gnarrhhrr"!!

Drusilla: I can see the stars.
Spike: That's the ceiling love. Also it's daytime.
Drusilla: I can see them. I've named them all the same name and there's terrible confusion.

Giles: Grave robbing? That's knew... interesting.
Buffy: I know you meant to say "gross and disturbing" right?
Giles: Oh yes yes yes, terrible thing. Must put a stop to it. Damn it.

Amy: I don't know, intent has to be pure with love spells.
Xander: Right, I intend revenge. Pure as the driven snow.

Willow: "That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil and... skanky. [aside to Buffy, worried] And I think I'm kinda gay."
Buffy: [reassuringly] "Willow, just remember that a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person that it was."
Angel: [without thinking] "Well, actually... [gets a look from Buffy] That's a good point."

I could go on, but that's enough for now.

Vampire Willow gets me hotter than anything else ever has before.

Dammit.

To be on topic:


(Anya just died)
Andrew: She was incredible. She died saving my life.
Xander: That's my girl. Always doing the stupid thing.

And:


(Spike is sacrificing himself to save the world)
Buffy: I love you.
Spike: No you don't. But thanks for saying it. Now go. I want to see how it ends.

When Wolf joins your team temporarily in Star Fox Command, you can send him to fight with you. One of the ones you can do is stopping missiles from getting to the Great Fox. Here's what he says when he has to go intercept one.

I also liked this moment from Friends, when Rachel was pregnant and was supposed to have the kid several days ago. She waddles into the room, pissed off, and Chandler looks forward with an expression of plastered on excitement.

"Did you have the baby yet!?"

Just about any quote from Transformers was awesome. Especially "ARE YOU USERNAME LADIESMAN217?!"

Where's all the House MD quotes? D:

Lola: He drops clean urine, denies using steroids, and you're giving him a drug for what, steroid abuse?
Dr. Gregory House: No, no, it's not. No, it's got calcium in it. It's very good for the bones. Basically, at a molecular level, it's just milk.
[Lola leaves]
Dr. Gregory House: How long do you figure before I get a call from Cuddy?
__________________________________________________
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You put him on Lupra?
Dr. Gregory House: Uh-huh.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: And you told them it was like milk?
Dr. Gregory House: Yes.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Is there any way in which that is not a lie?
Dr. Gregory House: It's creamy.
_____________________________________
[Cameron is in the lab working on some equipment]
Dr. Gregory House: Mixing up some margaritas? Mine's a double, Senorita. That's Portuguese you know.
Dr. Cameron: [too quietly] Spanish.
Dr. Gregory House: Uh-oh. What's going on?
Dr. Cameron: I'm re-calibrating the centrifuge.
Dr. Gregory House: Turn around.
[she's been crying]
Dr. Gregory House: It's a very sad thing, an un-calibrated centrifuge. It makes me cry too.
_______________________________
Dr. Gregory House: [trying to get Cuddy to leave the room by admitting malpractice] So there I was, in the clinic, drunk, so I opened the drawer, closed my eyes, grabbed the first syringe I could find...

(Discussing the dangers of a brain biopsy)
House: Why don't we biopsy something safer? Like, her shoes!

And in the vein of medical shows:

Baby Jack from Scrubs: I pooped in my bed so I put it on the TV.

JD from Scrubs: I DON'T HAVE GAY JUNGLE FEVER!

My favorite quote is the entirity of Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

Also, from The Warriors:
"YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE ORPHANS!" *holding up a straightrazor*

Here, eat this
Is it dangerous?
Well yea its LSD!
Just eat it, it's fun and it's legal

Perfect hair forever.

This might be funnier in context, so I'll dress it up a little.

Leo gets sucked into an alternate dimension and doesn't know it. He's supposed to meet the group at the train station, and he goes there and nobody is there. In the real dimension, the rest of the group is waiting for him at the train station. He calls Momoko's cell phone, and tells them he's at the train station and nobody is there.

"You smoked ALL of it, didn't you?" ~ Hajime, Ghost Stories

Groundhog Day:
Phil: What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?
Some Guy: That about sums it up for me.

Futurama:
Leela: And not one of those bogus everyday miracles like a sunrise. (see: sig)

Arrested Development:
Register Lady: You here to buy, or are ya just curious?
Tobias: I suppose I'm buy-curious!

Edit: Oh yeah, Get a Life:
*Chris and his Father are stuck in a Submarine upstairs in a flooding bathtub, and water is leaking through the floor onto Chris's Mom's newspaper*
Chris's Mom: Why am I sweating so much? *shrugs*

Scrubs.

Hooch: So, I hear you're responsible for my...brothy predicament. Do it again and I'll take one of your fingers. That'll be my funny joke.



J.D. has told Hooch not to let anyone off of an elevator.
J.D.: Oh no! Hooch!
There is an unconscious man laying in front of Hooch, who is brandishing a shoe.
Hooch: Who else thinks they're faster than me!?

MICHAEL: OK, what you gotta do, is... you oughtta carry around a tape recorder, and just record everything you say. I think you'll be surprised at the results.

GOB: It's not a trick, Michael. It's an illusion! A trick is what a whore does for money!
(MiCHAEL indicates a group of kids who had been watching GOB's show.)
GOB: ... or cocaine!

Dang, Hooch is crazy.

30 Rock
Dr. Spaceman: There's not really a name for what Tracy has. Basically, it's erratic tendencies and delusions brought on by excessive notoriety, and certainly not helped by my wildly experimental treatments. [Laughs] Boy, I'm being awfully open with you, Miss. I should not have taken those blue things.

How I Met Your Mother
Ted: Marshall...you up for some super-loud repetitive music that hasn't changed since the mid-90's?
Marshall: Um...only always!

I just love this one
Mobster: *gun at his head* "N-no, no I dont want to die!"
Rosner: "Of course you dont. That is why I am going to kill you."

From the film Last Night:

It's, at best, a few hours before the end of the world. The character, Duncan, had planned to commit suicide before the end. A home intruder is advancing on Duncan with a gun and the clear intent to kill him (for no reason):

Duncan: "I'm not afraid of you. I'm not afraid of what you can do. You're the one who's afraid. You're the one who's afraid."

2, from Big Trouble:

"There's no rule that says I can't come over here and fart in your entree. But it just isn't good manners." ~Henry Desalvo, played by Dennis Farina

"Listen, are you going to help me, or are you just going to sit there and be a big, fat, stupid asshole?" ~ Officer Walter Kramitz, played be Pat Warburton


And an old favorite from Stargate: SG-1:

"I hope you like Guinness, sir. I find it's a perfect substitute for... food." ~Col. Jack O'Neill

Not necessarily for its comedic value but it did make some realizations to me about life.

Nothing Worth having in this world comes easy. -Dr. Bob Kelso, Scrubs

"ibbity ibbity ibbity That's all, Folks!"