Brushes with fame
 

I recieved this text this morning:

BHS,
I saw on Wikipedia that you went back in time and killed John Denver because his song, Universal Soldier, was not as kick ass as the movie, Universal Soldier. You must protect the time-space continuum and do this.
I don't know. Should I take this seriously? I mean I don't really like John Denver and if I don't perform this action now time-space will be forever wrecked.
But building a time machine is a lot of work..

Edit: It appears Wikipedia was edited though it lasted all of 5 minutes.

So anyone have any amazing run ins with fame? This may be the greatest thing I'll ever achieve.

You don't build the Time machine: The Time machine builds you.

Just pointing out how ridiculous this is.

I'm watching Back to the Future but its not that helpful. All I know is I need a flux capacitator with a light display in a Y and some lightning.

Wait wait wait...
The time machine builds me? So the time machine goes back in time to build me so I can build it?

Obviously you are going to do this. If you don't do it, you would never have received that message. You can't escape fate, BHS. How do you make a murder look like an accident? Plane crash. Look it up. That was/will be your doing. So not only do you know what you are going to do, you know how you are going to do it. This couldn't be easier man, so just roll with it.

to understand Time-space continuum just remember that Here is just There without a T

Get a TARDIS. That should help resolve all of your problems.

A tardis sounds like a good idea and our rubbish can looks kind of like a dalek. I think I can fake a dalek attack long enough to get the good Doctor's attention.
And I can't fail because I've already done it!
Anyone got anything that want from the past while I'm out?
It'll be like a forum shopping run.

The problem with TARDISes is that they are not built, but grown. If you've watched Torchwood you can actually look at one that Jack is growing in his lab. I think the best thing you can do is, instead of attracting the Doctor's attention, go to Cardiff and have sweet gay sex with Captain Jack, stealing his baby TARDIS in the process.

If you don't mind, can you go to three years ago and give me a condom? I'd really aprecciate it.

I'd like some commemorative posters of things people thought were important but didn't turn out to be. Really, if I could recall an example that would defeat the point of it being not important, so you'll just have to use your best judgement.

Oh, and some shares in Nintendo while we're at it.

I have a time machine, but I'd have to kill you to use it, as it is a fatal paradox powered, meaning that whatever you do in time will lead to you dying before you were born, quite possibly from your younger self.

The better thing to do is ignore it, as Universal Soldier sucked.
John DENVER WOOOO!

If need be, I'll go back in time with my awesomeness, make John Denver believe he's been killed, and then make Universal Soldier suck while wearing a "Barrel Hating Syncophant" nametag.

It's just crazy enough to work, and believe me, I know crazy. Like the Salmon know Feng Shui!