NPF Avatars 5 - Vicinity of Obscenity
 

"That was seriously the worst ending to a battle ever."

"Eh, they've all been kinda underwhelming, if you ask me," the captive Pedro shrugged as Doug Doukhobor watched the security camera footage of the parking lot, "I mean, seriously, if there is some sort of guiding force behind the universe, whoever's been doing it lately has been really shitty at it."

"Oh, I don't know about that. That Smokey the Bear fight was pretty entertaining," Doug replied.

"Smokey the Bear? I think I missed that one."

"Oh, right, yeah," Doug explained, "You were off fighting the fembots, if I recall. Really well done little battle between Smokey, Pyros, and that Blind Mime guy. You'd have gotten a kick out of it, really."

POS rolled his eyes in annoyance, "Man, that's just great. Pyros and all them get to have all kinds of fun while I go be waist-deep in scalding hot water fighting robot masseuses. This has seriously been the lamest NPF adventure ever! Worst fights, worst villain..."

"Hey! I'm at least a better evil mastermind than Otaku Son!" complained Doukhobor, "At least I had an active role in everything and actually enacted my own plans and whatnot!"

"Oh yeah, speaking of which: What's your big idea now that Santy's run off?"

Doug grinned as he watched the NPFers make their way inside his lair, "Oh, I'm working on it...."

"CATCH ME IF YOU CAN, KRINGLE! BWAHAHAHA!" Pyros quipped with shrill glee, riding a rolling giant hamsterball down the streets of NPF as Santa gave chase in his sleigh.

"I'll get you yet Pyros, and your feminine side too!" the furious yet normally jolly red man called out, sending various bits of holiday related magic at the Hamsterball's heels.

Santa's sleigh was famous for moving really fast, but Pyros's hamsterball moved at the speed of crazy. This chase could go on for some time.

So for now, we can be entertained with the grand tales of Ryu, the gangsta ninja!

"What is above us, my friend whom I liken as a friendly dog?"
"Nothing too big to speak of. I am merely keeping things close to reality."
"That is very chilling."
"Do you wish to challenge me in a test of skill?"
"I accept your challenge. Smash Aniki Melee it is."
"Ninja, WII turn ON!" *hurls shuriken*
"....There is a shuriken piercing my Wii's on button. I am most displeased. In ancient ninja knowledge, it is known: You could just push the button, he who wears hat on his ass!"
"My bad..."

****

That was....riveting...hmm, anything else to watch? Mauve Mage, Reporter girl? Nah. Not enough seen of Ecurt...Ooh! I know! The Bishounen hour!

*****

Ignored by PyrosNine, Alt-Pyros emerged from the unknown (saving puppies from cancer) to face what horrors he could sense within the enemy's den.

"Hello? Is anybody here? I need some help returning to my dimension!"

"I'm putting my money on the hamsterball winning," Mauve said, watching Santa and Pyros running (flying) into the distance.

"I guess this means we win, for all intents and purposes," she continued. "So I guess that means it's time to go find Pedro."

She shoved her hands into her pockets and walked nonchalantly through the ice-rimmed and somewhat battered-looking door to Doukhabor's office building. Super Pedro Rescue Time, Go!

Nik turned, scratching his head, and also waltzed into Doug's office. He gestured and instructed Melfice, Karesh, and Fenris to follow.

Of course, I gotta bring my boys with me.

Doug walked through the building with a katana in hand and a smug smile upon his face, the kind of smug smile Pedro loved removing with a quick and incisive comment. He marched quickly through the building knowing full well the NPFer's weren't far behind him and could ruin everything if they attacked him. After all using Doug's form to waltz by any automated security only worked if he could stay in Doug's form. Oh, did I mention its really TBM, cause thats kind of important. I did. Good. Cause its important. As TBM saw it the world could use two Dougs, of course the use was for one was to assist the other in seppuku but that was a use nonetheless.

Besides it wasn't like Doug was using his head anyways, so who would mind if it was removed. Not TBoug Moukhabor thats for sure. Though with each and every step TBoug worried his illusion would not hold true under a harsh security light, at best he could at least distract Doug for a while. Maybe even get one of those pseudo-super villain talks rolling long enough for the rest of the NPFer's to arrive.

"Lets try this again!" K36 shouted while he wandered towards Doug's office building. He had not enjoyed getting tossed out on his ass by santa, and was sincerely hoping that Doug hadn't had the time to either clone or make a robot of the Red clothed menace. As he walked towards the door he suddenly stopped. "wait, I've forgotten something.."

He turned around, Walking straight past the igloo Flare had been hidden in, and picked up his Plushie. "YAY!"

As he walked back towards his current target smiling like a madman and hugging his Plushie, he finally remembered that Flare existed, and she was in the igloo he was walking past.

"...I should probably take Flare inside..But my plushie! I'm already carrying it!"

The moral dilemma of whether to take Flare or his plushie became too much for K36, driven temporarily insane, his maddened mind imagined 2 small figures on his shoulder, one was a small version of him with White armor, while the other had red. Both began shouting, pleading their cases. K36 had become a self contained Court room.

"Take the plushie! It's cute and cuddly! How many times has Flare cuddled you?!"

"But..You've never really talked to Flare, but if you save her she'll probably cuddle you for it! People like being saved! "

K36 decided to chime in, as this may very well be a legal battle for his soul.
"Wait, aren't you supposed to argue about the moral part of this instead of bribing me?"

"My job is to make sure you make the right choice. and you're not going to do it without some kind of incentive. "

"Point taken."

It was at this point That Epyon, Annoyed with all the shouting, showed up. Standing in K36's hand. He said one thing. "Two."
With that one word, K36 realized something. As though that simple 3 letter word had hidden content. It'd go like this on the special edition DVD. "YOU HAVE TWO ARMS, YOU DUMBASS!"

His moral dilemma avoided, K36 smashed the Igloo, picked up the coma'd Flare, and continued on his way. Still smiling like a madman under his helmet.

If one was observent, they could see the end of a sword coming out of nowhere and slashing through the air. If one was really observent, they could see all three of the blades doing so in different areas of the parking lot. Once the weapons stopped moving, the air around each exploded outwards in a display of flashiness but not actually affecting much, revealing the silhouettes of three different armor-clad people.

The Wizzle formerly known as Wizzle Purple was closest to the entance of Doukhobor's building and noticed the obvious before the other two. "What? Santa is gone?" Legendary Wizzle Timaeus asked the others. He was now wearing green armor, a matching helmut, and carrying a long sword that seemed to have come out of nowhere. One of his eyes was also shut with a visible vertical scar running across it. A cape fluttered behind him and his tail twitched in agitation.

Legendary Wizzle Critias, who used to be refered to as Wizzle Blue, was now wearing similar clothing of Legendary Wizzle Timaeus, except that everything was of a dark blue hue. "We put these on for nothing?" he fumed. The cape around the beast-warrior billowed both threatenly and dramaticly as he said these words. His claws retracted and extended repeatedly and his tail thrashed as the third form moved forward.

The crimson garbed figure moved forwards toward the other two and attempted to set everything right. "We can just use these for the next fight, instead. As for Caturday, we can chase after Santa after this business is completed," Legendary Wizzle Hermos reasoned. The newest incarnation of Wizzle Red, too, was donning a cape and sword. He had hefted the weapon above his shoulder in the middle of his speech.

The three of them agreed and ran quickly inside, blades held aloft, and alert for danger. They easily caught up to IC, but stayed behind him, as the worst position to be in unfamiliar territory was in front. It was the place where you were most likely to be hurt, and the Wizzles of Atlantis didn't like pain, even if they still retained Nikose's regenerative properties. Sure, their latest appearences also did grant them special powers, but their feline instincts were of self-preservation.

"Buh.... Wait, what? That's it? It's over? We can just.... go now? Huh!" Rei had stated in befuddlement as Santa ran off, chasing Asheth.

"Oh, don't worry." Arhra One said, "I slipped a thermal detonator into Santa's sleigh. Or I would have, if killing Santa wasn't wrong. The sugarplums said it was a good idea!" The snowmen hadn't liked the idea as much but Arhra knew they were biased. "The important thing is we can get on with our lives."

"Remember when I killed all those fembots and then created artificial life?" Arhra Two said out of nowhere. The pair of other Arhras nodded, looking nostalgic. Of course, it was pointless for her to mention it, for no other NPFers had been there. Well, maybe Hawk, if you count stumbling into the, ahem, aftermath.

Continuing in this vein, the Arhras entered.

* * *

Elsewhere, Kayessa was busy lugging an unconscious Arhra Three home. More to come as reports come in!

* * *

Another elsewhere, stuff happened with Flare and the fifth Arhra, probably!

I slowly came around, yawning a bit. "What happoned....." I said, before I realized what had happoned. "Damnit....figures I get blasted by extremely cold air, and that knocked me out... " I said, bitching mainly to myself. Then looking around I said "Where's Santa and Pyros?"

"Well, I am Pyros. But I know not of any Santa. Perhaps it is the other Pyros of which you speak?" Alt-Pyros replied, holding his hand up like a school child as he walked onto the scene.

"Are you in need of some flame, miss?" Alt-Pyros held out a burning hand as if there was nothing more polite than shoving a burning hand into someone's face.