Mid-game DND humor
 

You know what I mean. Jokes that occur during games that are just too damn funny or really really lame. Here's a few examples.

1- After a little fighting in DND, my DM says my NPC comrade throws me a potion of healing. I drink it, and he says "OK you drink it till you're full on health." which is impossible because a potion is one dose of one spell, so it's kind of impossible. my DM joked that I have one of those Cure Wounds kegs in the caravan I was defending. Click the image to see the result.

2- slightly less funny but much more common is the Zelda "Secret revealed!" tone. When a puzzle is fixed, a button pushed, a key found, or something, http://www.zeldauniverse.net/games/z...zzlesolved.mid
rings out in the background and an item in question falls from the ceiling. Fun stuff.

3- There was some-odd 45 year old guy playing DND with us, and he was playing a halfling rogue. No big deal, but he kept refusing to say he was a rogue and kept insisting he was "a diplomat." It's been a joke terminology ever since.

Sorry, I've never played DnD, but I do remember something funny that happened when I played a game of Warhammer with my friend down the street last year.

Most of our units were already engaged in close combat, except for my 24 archers and 6 waywatchers and he had a few ranks wandering around too, I forget exactly what they were, though. So he decides to fire his cannon at my archers so they would stop bugging him with hails of instant death. He rolls the artillery die and it lands on a misfire. He says "no problem, I have the Rune of Fortune." This gives him a reroll for any misfires. He rerolls...it once again lands on misfire. After this happens you have to roll a D6 to find out what exactly happens to the cannon. He rolls and hits a 6. His cannon erupts in a fiery explosion, killing his crew and destroying one of his bolt throwers which I had been laying fire down on for the whole battle.

I remember we figured out the odds of that happening and it was somewhere in the 1 in 300s.

Lucky me :D

Well one time we were trapped in this room and jelly-like stuff was oozing out of the walls. We had tried nearly everything to get out, but nothing worked. so... my character LICKED the jelly... and nearly died. ^^;; that's the longest on-going joke from our DnD games.

another time, I was DMing and my friends were all stuck in a room and one of them started a fire and the door was locked. Well one of them had they key, but she refused to open it unless the others gave her something valuable from their inventories. ^^;; Blackmail.

There was once this time when the barbarian was power-tripping after defeating the big bad evil guy... and he really ticked the DM off, because the barb had gotten a whole slew of lucky rolls and was crowing about it all the way. So as we're walking out of the cave, he takes his spanking new hammer and starts swinging it around... And then the STUPID barb decides to go smash a nearby pillar for fun.

Turns out the pillar was the support pillar of the (very) unstable underground room we were walking through.

(for this to make sense to you people, you need to understand that for anything you do, a roll of a 1 is a spectacular failure, and a 20 is an amazing success.) One time i was dming for this level 1 party, and i wanted to give them a bit of a challenge, so i stuck a choker on the ceiling. i rolled a climb check so he could position himself right over the warrior, and got a 1. we concluded that he fell of the ceiling, and right on said warrior, so they were both prone. then the cleric ran over and delivered a critical hit, killing him in one blow. from then on i planned my evil plans a bit better

Another time in another game of Warhammer with another friend, I was playing as my Wood Elf army against my friend's Lizardman army. We were pretty much at a stalemate, maybe a little in his favor. Then he started to gain the upper hand with a few lucky roles. But then he did something, not only extremely dangerous, but insanely stupid as well.

He used all four of his mages to cast four simultaneous Comets :eek: . They all hit at different times, in different areas, with different strengths. But, needless to say, it was pretty much Armageddon all over the place. D6 S5 hits here, D6 S10 hits there. Absolutely everyone got blown away, except for my Waywatchers (dependable guys, aren't they) sniping from a far off house, and a single Lizardman Shaman. He could have dropped a meteor on the house, winning the game, but it wasn't his turn :D . So I simply picked him off with archer fire and won the game.

I have no clue what to name that victory.

(For those who don't use the Storyteller system, here's how it goes. You have a bunch of dice, called your dice pool. You have a target number, which is the number you need to roll on a die to get a success. You roll your dice pool, count your successes, and determine whether you succeed or fail. If you roll a 1, it cancels out a success. If you roll no successes and one or more 1s, you have botched the roll. And botches basically mean you had a horrific critical failure.)

So anyways, I'm listening to a bunch of guys talking... then one of them starts moaning about how he botched THREE successive FIFTEEN dice rolls. Apparently, that caused him to swear off Werewolf forever after.

Some of my favorites:

Ok, we'd just gotten the DnD starter set thing a couple years ago...We're in this goblin cave thing, looking for something. So, they're just goblins, so we're taking them to school wherever we meet them. Finally we come to their dining hall, and theres a bowl of soup on one of the tables. As soon as the DM read "You see a bowl of soup on a table" our Ranger yells "SOUP!" and rushes over and downs the entire bowl. Then learns that its rancid orc soup and spends then next 4 turns taking fortitude checks and puking on the floor. The noise of his vomiting happened to draw some Hobgoblins from the next room. =P

A couple levels later, we're in some dungeon, walking down a hallway. Its me(Paladin), a Cleric, a Sorceror, and the Ranger. And like 2 bugbears come around the corner. So we're like "Oh crap." Our ranger has the highest init. so he decides to just run for it. He opens a door right next to him, runs inside, and locks the door behind him. Then he turns around and the sees the entire room is filled with goblins, wall to wall. The rest of party, laughing, barricades the door from our side, trapping him in there.

I remember when I was DMing for my friends. They were supposed to be a Good party, but by the end of the adventure they'd blackmailed, killed innocent people, sold people into slavery, stolen, left party members for dead, used NPC's as human shields, tortured random creatures, and caused massive amounts of property damage. It was fun though, I never knew what the heck they'd do next.

After being a DM for a while I have dicided that everyone in the group is out of their minds. The people in my group have a tendency to say completly random things at the oddest times.

Me: The giant ape rips of your arm and begins to beat you with it.
Player: (picking up a dried apracot) This thing looks like a gonad.

Alright one time I was DMing and they found this secret room that i made with dozens of swords in them. Poblem? all the swords had at least ONE Drawback to them. Of course the Beserker Decides to take this huge powerful sword and guess what HE CANT WEILD IT, as it can only be weilded by halflings. (haha) then the halfling in the party picks out this really nice sword same problem only can only be weilded by beserkers, so they switch (the theif just looted the place taking the only "good" sword) and as soon as the beserker gets his sword his hair grew longer and the sword started to glow pink also everytime it was sheathed it returned to his hand...Hehe. the halflings sword? made a Psychotic humming noise that forced the players o make a will check each day or theyd go crazy and suffer from a short rage... Then ofcourse when the bezerker was DM-ing he made sure i got killed first but not before th halfling backstabbed me...