Hate...
 

This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately, and if you guys think this belongs somewhere else, go ahead. Basically, I've been thinking about hate, if you can't gather from the thread title. I figured I'd just share my opinion on it, which I came up with from hours of thought these recent days. But first, some background on what helped me come up with this opinion, which no one has to agree with.

However, a disclaimer, I am not telling you guys this for pity or anything of that like, I don't pity myself, and I don't expect or need pity from others. The only reason I am telling you guys this is so you know where my feelings on the issue come from, and because I no longer care who knows or not.

When I was very young, I lived next to a guy who was like sixteen or seventeen at the youngest, and he lived with his family... I will be the first to admit that even now, and especially in my formative years, my social skills have been broke to Hell. This neighbor, who's name was Joe, was my friend. He let me borrow video games, tapes with Simpson's episodes, and was nice to me. Then he molested me. I was on medication for at least a year after the events involving Joe, and I hated him more than I could possibly hate anyone else. I hated him for most of my life.

Hate, especially to that degree, hurts. My hate was more than justified, but it hurt so much. It hurt a lot. Eventually, I got over my hatred, and am unable to hate him, or anyone else. I am not even angry at him any more. All I can do is pity him that he could be such a pathetic, weak, and evil being. Because of this though, I have hated stronger than people who haven't gone through this or something similar. I am just telling this so that you guys know that I know what it is to truly hate someone, and am still able to say, without a doubt, that hate is not worth it.

Maybe this is obvious to other people, but for a long time, I held on to my hate, despite how much it hurt, because I knew it was justified. I knew that I had every right and reason to hate him that much, and even more, so I clung desperately to hatred.

After all that, I can say that hatred is worthless, pointless, and not worth it. My friend Liz, currently hates, or so she claims, my other friend Charlie, because of some shit that happened it their relationship, and thanks to these events in my past, I think I was able to help her overcome her hatred, if even just a little bit. I was able to tell her that hatred isn't worth it, and that no matter what anyone did, or why they did it, hating them is just a way for them to hurt you more.

It isn't forgiveness. I will never forgive Joe. But I am unable to hate him anymore, and I hope that others will be able to overcome their hatred.

I agree, but I have to ask a question: What about just not liking someone? I don't hate anyone in my life, or I don't think I do, but there are times where I am annoyed by someone or something like that. Where does that fit in? Or, rather, where is the line drawn between hate and a simpler dislike?

There isn't any problem with disliking someone, some people you just don't get along with, or some people are assholes. Dislike is a weaker form of hate that is at least relatively easily kept in check, even if you lose your temper, hate, in my opinion controls you more than you control it.

I know why that is. Hate is the same emotion as love, only it's the opposite side of the coin. Only a heart open to love can hate, and both emotions control your actions much more than you can control them. Most people think that hate is the opposite emotion to love. I believe that is wrong. Hate is the same as love, and their opposite is indifference. I can tell you from experience, if you're indifferent about anything, it's impossible to love or hate that thing.

As in, you can only truly hate what you once loved? Someone you loved, and they betrayed that love? Or am I misunderstanding?

I don't think any human emotion can be called worthless, least of all those commonly dismissed as negative. Let's face it, fear keeps us smart, envy drives us to improve, hatred tell what we have to change to make our world better. All emotions can all be misdirected and it's a struggle to learn to use them to inform your judgment rather than override it but rejecting them altogether doesn't get you anywhere.

...I feel like I should go on for five or seven more paragraphs about this but I pretty much covered everything that I had to say.

Fifth has said most of what I wanted to say. The only thing I want to add is that denying emotion is more destructive than accepting it.

I'm not denying it. I just realized how pointless it was to hate him, and I just don't hate him anymore. He was evil, terrible, and a horrible person, but I don't have to hate him to know that. It's not that I force the hate away, I just don't really feel it anymore.

Emotions shouldn't be telling you anything you can't otherwise reason out; or, at least, you shouldn't be listening. Emotion's ideal role, I'd say, is to motivate actions to achieve some goal, but not to state any goals.

I guess my only question is, absent the hate, have you been able to forgive him of his shortcomings?

To hate is easy, to forgive a wrong is not. I have learned this.