Inverse Advice: The Game
 

As seen here, in the off-topic thread. Previously created to parody all of the advice threads being created, it quickly became too popular for me to do it all on my own. So now I'm passing the savings on to youuuuu!!!!!!

Here's how it works: the person above you posts a piece of advice. You post a question that applies in some crazy way to the piece of advice, and in the same message you post your own. Everyone gets a turn and everyone is a winner. Except for the people who don't send me money, because they're missing the point entirely.

Here's an example. 42PETUNIAS (on Yaplet right now and yelling at me for not already questioning his answer) suggested that I "Hug Jack Thompson." I now have to design a question that applies. How about this:

"The other day I was walking down the street when I noticed that GTA San Andreas had been banned from my local gaming store because of its rating change after the Hot Coffee mod. I had finally saved up enough money to do it! I've decided to suicide bomb something. How do you suggest I go about doing this?"

I then think of a - not necessarily related - piece of advice.

To you, the next poster, I suggest: Sulfuric acid can be used in place of Pepsi if you're in a pinch.

I have a science fair project, and am attempting to show that Coca-Cola is inferior to Pepsi. However, I have run out, and stores are closed. Help?

Now, as for my turn...

I highly suggest that you consult a proctologist about this issue of yours. All I can do now is offer my condolences and a clostomy bag.

People keep telling me I'm an asshole, for all the crap that keeps coming out of my mouth, and it really bothers me. Who should I talk to about this?



There's a patch for that now. I'd think you should look into it.

Recently I just can't get an erection when I want to, and I'm alergic to Viagra. My doctor suggested you; do you have an alternative?


My god, you really DON'T have a life. Just take the chicken out of your pants is all I can reccomend.

I've been having this problem on and off lately of being very deprived of attention. I usually do ridiculous things so people notice me. Last time I put a chicken in my pants to watch people's reactions to me but they stopped noticing/caring. What should I do?

That can't be healthy, just ask him to stop sniffing the glue and be done with it.

Why does my three-year-old keep shoving model planes up his nose?

Don't worry, I'm sure it's completely normal for that to turn green.

So while I was driving my car, the check engine light came on, but here's the weird part: after a few more miles, IT TURNED GREEN! What does this mean?

You seem to forget that she doesn't REALLY exist. She's only in your imagination, so it's not rape.

I like my imaginary friend. But she probably doesn't even know I exist. What should I do?

I would advice smearing it with honey. If that fails, use lots of fire.

I got gum stuck in my hair again. What do I do?

Go ahead and do it, but dump the body in a river, forensics always has trouble with that.

Yet another Title™ sung by some guy.
 

I so fricken sick of my car! This is the fifth time this week that it has broken down on me, so I decided to exact my revenge. I have already dealt with the engine, the transmission, the stereo and the wheels. Most of it involved some sort of firewarm and/or explosive. What do you advise me to do with the rest of it? I'm thinking of something spectacular like pushing off a cliff, but I'm getting second thoughts. What if they get my finger prints?

Trust me, it happens to everyone at some point. I advise eating a bucket of tuna flavored pudding and washing it down with a gallon of Strawberry Quick™.