Nuklear Wright Power Attorney Case 2: An arse by any other name would smell as sweet
 

Disclaimer: The ideas expressed by the characters in this thread are satire and do not reflect the opinions of their posters (maybe). All in all, this is good fun and not a cynical attempt towards overthrowing the system.
-----








(Wait, what the fuck?! This isn’t Ally McBeal!)

*ZiP!*


Court is now in session for the trial of Fifthfiend, a dashing, handsome moderator whose gavel, though not as copious or sturdy as mine, swifts justice from the heavens of Nuklear Power Forums. Nevertheless, as some people say, power isn’t free, and even those who seem the most reliable to be able to exert it professionally end up corrupted. Why, should I know it myself!! You should see what my position has endowed me with! I shall say, in my favour, that those beavers had it coming, what with the Chinook that overtook The Peg some years ago.

But I digress, probably because I’m cookie. Justice has called us today to determine a life-long question once and for all: Is the defendant an arse, or is he not?

Order:


The complaint was officially registered the day of Christmas’ Eve around noon. According to the victim, Axl, the so-called moderator had taken down forever the Super Smash Bros. Brawl thread, one that was loved by many people in the forum. Declaring a moratorium on the topic due to lack of relevance, he banned all further discussion of the game in there.

Under normal circumstances, this would be no problem at all. After all, a moderator has to exert his powers in the ways he believes are right. However, according to the victim, this event happened during a weekend, or, to be more detailing, a period of time in which the official blog of the aforementioned game did not update, and therefore relevance was not likely to occur.

I want to clarify, though, that the case against Fifthfiend does not reside on whether he did right or wrong on doing his job. The point of contention is whether that fiendish devil was, is, and/or will be an arse at his job, with the prosecution arguing yes while the defence rejects such an assertion. This, I hope, is only the first piece of evidence towards the innocence or culpability of the man. As a judge, I trust both attorneys have researched and brought with themselves their own evidence. This, I believe, will be crucial in this trial.


I shall first call the victim, Axl, whose testimony will be delivered truthfully and without hesitation. I plead to both attorneys to please be ready and only cross-examine or call the witnesses after the victim has already spoken, am I clear?

Defence

Prosecution

*****

****

-----
Regarding OOC questions, please keep them in the other thread. Plz.

http://www.court-records.net/animati...weating(a).gif
(Uh oh! This is gonna be a hard one! Everybody knows Fifthfiend is an asshole!)

http://www.court-records.net/animati...hinking(a).gif
(But does he let it affect his job performance...?)

HOHOHO!

http://www.court-records.net/animation/larry-santa.gif

Sorry for the hold-up guys! I didn't expect to be called into work this morning... that's the bad thing of working with family, I never know when they're going to disrupt my sleep.

http://www.court-records.net/animati...scratch(a).gif

I'm all ready to go now though, LET'S DO THIS!

http://www.court-records.net/animati...humbsup(a).gif

I... won't get banned for this... right?


(OOCourt: Man do I love to visually emphasize "asshole")

The Court accepts this testimony into the Court Record. Both parties can proceed with their cross-examinations.

http://www.court-records.net/animati...-normal(b).gif
Your honor, if I may, I would like to ask the prosecution to cross-examine the witness first. After all, it is their witness. I'd like to see what my esteemed colleague in finding the truth has to say on this matter before I formulate my own hypothesis.

The Court accepts this petition. However, I'll let both parties know that if either of them fail to respond in the span of [six hours], they'll be penalised accordingly due to withholding of the law.

(OOC: I just don't have time tonight to wait around for Masked.)

http://www.court-records.net/animati...ocument(b).gif
I'd like to begin by looking at the first piece of evidence in the Court Record: The Smash Brothers Moratorium.

Now, at first glance, this looks like Fifthfiend was ruthlessly slaying the drug that this apparent post-addict Axl had enjoyed. However, once you look at the careful wording in the final sentence, it all makes sense.

The moratorium will last indefinitely, not infinitely! It's an easy mistake to make.

http://www.court-records.net/animati...hinking(b).gif
Furthermore, Axl is a self-admitted addict to posting in Smash Bros. threads! If anything, Fifthfiend helped fight Axl's addiction by ridding him of it. Axl has now gone almost two weeks without feeding his Smash Bros. "post lust."

Axl is, as most addicts do, lashing out at the curator of his addiction.

http://www.court-records.net/animati...-normal(b).gif
I believe I have little more to say right now.

OOC: Sorry, I was off caucusing. Couldn't post.

I would like to ask the defendent how often Fifthfiend closed the SSBB threads.

http://www.court-records.net/rips/objection.gif
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a1...onDeskTalk.gif
Only the court may call upon the defendant to testify.

I'm sorry, I meant the witness.