Mother/Money problems.
 

My mom's unemployed, married to someone who isn't a citizen yet (I didn't know they weren't citizens by marriage?), and she's trying to sell the house in this bad market. She wants to move to Oaklahoma where apparently houses are cheaper. I'd stay here and finish my last year of high school. I don't really like that whole set up but she's not getting a job and she says this is her only way to make money.

I think she thinks that something magic will happen and that moving will cure all of her woes somehow... :\ I don't think it's very likely.

Anyway, I finally got a job as an unloader at Wal-Mart, which is kind of depressing and dull and I want to quit it since I was honestly much happier with more free time than I am with the money it's getting me, but now I'm actually this house's only source of income (at age 18!) and I kind of feel pressured to stay in that job because of it. So, I'm still working there while I look elsewhere for employment.

Meanwhile, she asks me for $40 to cover the fee of the lockup storage place that all of our stuff is in while we try to sell the house. I really don't want to give it to her, since I would think in her situation, she should be cutting back on other stuff first before going to me for money (we don't need satellite television or cable internet, for instance, and she really needs to stop chewing tobacco). I asked her how she was doing on her addiction, which she had promised me she would work on, and she said she can't commit either way and basically gave me a huge guilt trip for putting that condition on giving her money.

Yike, is this what adult life is? I'm too young for this.

Sheeetttt.... all I can suggest is that you finish high school (only a few months left!) and the first chance you get, move out for college or just move out completely. This situation doesn't seem to improve any time soon and your mother doesn't seem to have any inclination to change so I think it'd be best to get out of it as soon as possible and start living by yourself. There are agencies that could help you find housing and help with the finances.

Of course, I am probably not the best person to give advice. Shit where's bluesultraltor when you need him? Hope things look up for you soon, Zilla :(...

Next time you see your mom chewin' or not-job-gettin' or whatever, give her a hug and tell her you'll love her no matter what.

Fuck I don't know, that's just a terrible situation.

You could look for a better job? Office gofer bullshit, any decently high-end restaurant, there's bound to be something else you're qualified to do that's not going to be quite as soul-suckingly awful. Alternately, try finding volunteer work somewhere a couple of hours a week doing something you actually give a shit about, which can be a good way to get into better payin'-work or at least will give you something actually fulfilling to do with your time.

As far as your mom probably the best thing you can do is just talk about what's up with her and by talk I mean mostly do a lot of listening. I mean it sounds like she's making some bad decisions but if you try arguing with her about them in all probability she's just going to clutch to them even harder out of goddamn stubbornness, but you might at least be able to give her a chance of working shit out on her own.

For myself the bitch of quitting smoking was I'd tough out the withdrawal and the craving for that nicotine high, and go a couple weeks or a month and be like yay, I quitted! But after I gave myself that pat on the back, I'd find I'd pulled myself out of that ditch, only to find myself facing the mountain of day-in day-out shit, which to avoid had been in the first place the entire reason I'd developed that dependency. And so I'd end up with that pack of smokes right back in my hands. Where I finally kicked that habit was learning to see all that coming and bracing myself for having to bear it without backsliding right into that same shitty habit.

I guess in my experience addiction comes down to a way of trying to run away from yourself, and the problem with that is no matter how fast or far you go, well, there you are.

I don't know how particularly helpful or related any of the above is in re: your own actual particular situation but there it is.

There's some other stuff I could go on about re: the house and moving and things but it's late and I've gone on a bunch already.

Generally adult life isn't that bad finance wise. Before I got funded for my studies I managed to live quite easily of 20 hours a week, moderately skilled labour.
I mean if you refuse to work and you smoke and have satellite tv etc you should probably expect all that comes.
Any particular reason why she doesn't want to get a job?
Also I'd head out if I was you. Live on your own for a while. It may do good for you.

But I hope it all works out. Sounds pretty rough.

Nah, they're just eligible to apply after three years instead of five. However, I admit I don't know a lot about the system outside of personal experience -- my dad remained a "permanent resident" for some time before finally going through the process; I'm not exactly clear why he waited, but I don't think that there was a whole lot of impetus in his case. He could live and take jobs in his chosen field of work without problem. Based on what you're saying, I'm imagining that your mom's husband's status is quite different. What specifically is preventing him from working, if you don't mind my asking?

As for you, I would leave how much to help to your own discretion. Most people would naturally want to help keep their parents from digging themselves a hole; at the same time, it's not a good situation for either party. If you're offering money, it's not unreasonable for you to be the one determining how its spent -- it's not that you're trying to come between her habit, it's just that she'll have to find the money elsewhere, because your money is for food, for one possible example. The biggest potential problem is any case of this is if the person turns to more dubious means of finding that money, but I have no idea how real a concern that would be for her. I can see in a very abstract way the housing logic, though I don't know how well it'll pan out in practice.

Yeah, in my experience, people need to be ready before a change will really happen, and it's not something that you can really force. The whole "I want you to know I'm concerned, and I'll be here to help however I can, when you're ready," sounds really wishy-washy, but it's really all you can do until they come around. Leaving the door open makes it far more likely that it'll happen, because at least it'll sit with them. More aggressive tactics don't really give them the chance to become comfortable with the idea.

Turnover rate at watressing jobs is pretty quick. That's what Kat, my significant other, is doing and she's making more money than my store clerk job ever did. I'm sure you can slip yourself into a job like that quite easily.

This is a really shitty situation but honestly I don't quite get why your mom seems to be incapable of wanting to get a job - that's honestly the road that alot of just-out-of-high-school pampered brats decide on for god-only-knows how long, and it never ends well. It's really an inescapable path of life and I dunno exactly how she might have missed that.

Personally I would try to move out, but thats me.

Seriously though, I would talk to her, explain your thoughts, and depending on her reaction go from there.

That's a huge load of cow pucky right there. If she can drive, she's got a ton of employment options. If nothing else, she could deliver pizzas. Beyond that legitimate jobs, she could also sell crack, run a brothel, or hustle some people in a MLM or pyramid scheme. There are even real jobs and businesses that people can run from home, but they take a lot of self-discipline and time.

I'm with Fifth in his opinion that you should remind your mom that you love her, no matter what. Your feelings regarding your mother's current poor choices don't change the fact that you love her...it just means she's irritating the piss out of you right now.

Anyway, is your stepfather working? Since he's married to your mom, he should either have or be in the process of getting a green card, and he should definitely be doing his part to keep the house in order, whether he is keeping it clean or paying some of the bills.

I really admire you for getting and keeping a job (even if you don't like it) at your age. Seeing as she's not demanding rent or anything, I'd just pay the locker rental myself, if I were in your position. Meanwhile, since you are going to be left in your current location when your mom and her husband head for Oklahoma (IF the house sells), it probably wouldn't hurt to start looking for local apartments, rooms for rent, or boarding houses.

Good luck!

Lady Cygnet is right. You have two adults in the house and really have no business supporting them and their expensive habits. Furthermore, I can almost guarantee your house is not going to sell, or if it does, it won't be what it's probably really worth. Turning over houses is a bad way to try to make money at this point, since the housing market as a whole is in the tank, nationwide. Better to stay in the area and find local employment. You did, after all.

The fact of the matter is that plains states are impoverished areas. Oklahoma has cheap housing because there's no money there, and turning over the house will NOT be enough for long-term support, since any jobs there will pay less than in a more populace area, and there are fewer to go around. The locals will eat up or may have already eaten up the few available positions. And they'll probably get first dibs.


Edit: That is to say, her plan is a bad idea. I'm with LC and Fifth on finding your own place. You have connections in your area, and a job to pay the bills. Parents often kick out their kids for mooching. It's not fair to expect you to provide for your parents if they're capable of working and simply choose not to. Your place = your rules, and that includes having your own money and life without having to support moochers.

While all these the above things are good ideas. It would be best if you discussed this with your mother as well. Tell her that moving away at this point could really harm your education (because it can).

Feel free to tell her of all the lovely jobs any idiot can take, which means that she can certainly take. Don't be afraid to find a few jobs that she could possibly take, and then show them to her. That should give your point plenty of strength.