Being Put On Hold
 

Now, we all know about this. The holding. I remember being all excited once about my mum getting a 17" LCD monitor for the family computer because the old monitor crapped out on us. The trouble was, when we plugged it in, it didn't work. So, since we used Windows, I called Microsoft after getting the number from their site and was promptly put on hold for about an hour, all the while being told that a "Microsoft Phone Technical Representative" would be happy to help me. She wasn't.

The MPTR told me that since my computer wasn't built by Microsoft, (It was built by a local computer shop) they couldn't help me. After an hour of being put on hold and 5 minutes of actual conversation, one gets a bit peeved.

In order to get a new job, I have to go for a Tuberculosis test. No biggie. So I make the appointment for 9:00AM today. Something comes up, I phone to reschedule. I get put on hold again, for twenty minutes. (>>) I don't mind the place being so busy that they put me on hold. I don't mind the easy-listening music. I don't mind them interrupting the music every 15 seconds, stating "Stay on the line, and someone will be with you shortly."

What I mind is that they don't hire anyone else to man the phones. You could have a secretary, whose job involves working for the boss, setting up meetings, filing, copying, faxing - that sort of stuff. Then you could have a person whose job it is to make sure no one's on hold for an hour. (>>)

There are a number of expenses that come with hiring a new employee far beyond just their paycheck. They have to reason whether it is financially sound for them to hire such a person and in most cases it's not. Now, this doesn't help your situation any, but I'm just saying.

I'm not saying I engoy being put on hold, but with the exception of megacorps (seriously, WTF Microsoft?), you can't judge companies by how many people they have answering the phones.

I'm not judging the doctor's office - they open at 9:00, so me calling at 9:00 was a bit much - but yeah, what's up with Microsoft?

Even with the doctor I don't really understand it. My mother is a doctor at a very small clinic and even they have two people devoted to the patients. They are not really nurses, their main job is to answer the phones, and to do the schedueling. They also led the people into the rooms. If you get the employees to do other things than just answering the phones it's not just a money sink. I think it vastly improves customer service and makes the callers in a better mode. Always something doctors want.

As a semi-tangental note I will say that Acer Computers has the best on-hold music I've ever heard. Like really tasteful, chamber-music type stuff, all classy and uplifting and really, just a delight to hear. I'd swear I heard a harpsichord (sp?) in there, you always know you're in for a treat when they break out the harpsichord. It was by far the best part of my otherwise roundly shitty customer-service experience.

What really gets me are the telemarketing phone calls that start with you being on hold. It's just weird to me to answer a phone and hear "Stay on the line, someone will be with you shortly." Does anyone really stay on the line?

What I really like is places which after you being on hold for say 10 minutes will switch to an answer phone for you to leave a message but also keep your place in the queue, so it's like holding in terms of getting to a real person but you don't actually have to do it.
My web provider does it and its totally awesome.

I think my record for being on hold was 28 minutes (at one time, I mean, the overall amount of time I was on hold at this call was in the hour to two hour range at least) when I wanted to cancel an account for PeoplePC or Netzero or some other crappy cheapo Internet company I was going to try for 30 days free or whatever but couldn't get their internet dialing program to work on my PC. Ever. So anyway, I was scuttled around for an hour or so trying to cancel it, in between each time I was sent from person to person I was put on hold for approximately 5 minutes, besides the earlier 20 minutes I was on hold before I got ahold of anybody.

Keep in mind the entire thing took place with Indian employees who I could barely understand, because outsourcing is such a beautiful thing. Well, anyway, Southeast Asian, possibly Indian or Pakistani accent. I don't want to be called racist or anything so I'll avoid specifics.

Anyway, first I get a guy who I tell I want to cancel my service. He asks why. I tell him I couldn't get the internet dialing program to work. BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. He sends me to the tech center. Well I mean, he puts me on hold for ten minutes before sending me to the tech center. Anyway, I screw around with my computer for five minutes at this new guy's instructions. THEN I HAVE TO HANG UP THE PHONE BECAUSE I HAVE TO TEST THE CONNECTION. I had dial-up at the time. Well, I mean, I still do because I live in the backwoods of nowhere, but anyway.

So then I have to call them back. I'm on hold for another ten minutes. I FINALLY get ahold of another employee, who yet again has a very heavy accent. I say I want to cancel, please, God, just let me cancel my account. Please. PLEASE. Dinesh is not sympathetic. He asks me why I want to cancel. I tell him I can't get the program to work. He sends me to the tech center.

At this point I decide I'll have to lie just to get the thing canceled. As soon as I get ahold of the tech center guy (another ten minutes on hold), I tell him to immediately send me back to whoever's in charge of canceling accounts. Another ten minutes later I get ahold of a woman. I tell her I want to cancel my account. She asks why, which at this point I considered inevitable. I lie and tell her I just absolutely do not like their service, please cancel it. Please, for the love of all that is good, cancel my account. Another hold later, I am told my account is canceled.

And that my friends is my adventures with being put on hold, or at least the longest amount of time I was on hold.

PC World actually did an article and list of companies with whom it is easy to cancel your account at any time, both best and worst. I'm sure Netzero was bottom of the barrel. It's similar to the guy who spent three hours with an AOL employee trying to get his account canceled, and the guy kept giving him the run-around. Being put on hold is sometimes because of a lack of employees, but more often I believe it is a hostile strategy to keep you with their company by making you just hang up the phone in frustration and try again the next day. And the next day, and the next day, etc. It's sickening.

EDIT: Oh, and you know what's really fun? After you've been holding forever when calling a company, you finally get ahold of someone, they tell you they're going to transfer you and to please hold, and THEY DISCONNECT YOU. You then have to call back and hold for the prior interminable hold time again.

Look I'm just gonna say as a bit of friendly advice if you're trying to avoid sounding racist? Don't tell people you're deliberately trying to avoid sounding racist. Cause honestly, it kind of makes you sound like a racist.

Yeah I've resolved that the next time I have a situation like this I'm going to go to the bank and see if I can just have them reject whichever company's charges to my account.

Sadly, this does not hold true for ACER-europe, there is no on-hold music, at all.
It made me angry.

EDIT: Also, Swedish clinics have adopted a new interesting system to fix this. You call in, and say a time in which you are able to answer your phone, and they call you back then, no expensive 5-hour calls, just a simple sheduling of when to call to shedule the visit. I like it.