Is this an awful idea?
 

So.

I've got this story I've been working on, and I'm really happy with how it's turning out. The concept is it's all based on a single guy, Adrien the half-elf, whom gives up being a sorcerer and the throne he is next in line for and everything at his feet to go and learn from an ancient elf with a unique power that he believes Adrien has.

The power is basically for martial elf fighters, and it allows them to tap into magic and, with it, 'see' points of fate in the universe. It gives them deadly combat skills as they can see glimpses into the future and can fight accordingly, and it gives them nudges in the right direction from the very essence of magic itself.

I thought it was cool, but...

Well, here's the jist of it - I wrote about half of the book before I realized he was basically a Jedi. Able to see into the Force and predict several things before, during, or from great distances. I gave him no telekinetics or telepathy or (God forbid I turn him into a Mary Sue of gargantuan proportions) a lightsaber, I did start to worry about how this would affect my readers.

I'd like to note that he fucks up with this power quite a bit in the book, giving him some character development as he tries to use the power he learned but not getting it right all the time.

I kept on trying to kick around various ideas, taking the ability away before giving him other ones. I toyed with him not having any abilities other than making any weapon he holds into a deadly weapon charged with raw arcane energy. I gave him telekinetics. I took every power away and just made him a badass with a unique fighting style, but then the rest of the story didn't 'fit' as much as I wanted it to.

So, basically, I want to ask you guys.

Does the concept of a half-elf man's unique power of mid-combat precognition and the ability to 'sense' great moments of change strike you as too Jedi-esque? And if it does, is that giving you huge red-flags of Mary Sueism or is it just sounding outright lame? Or am I overthinking this and it's actually perfectly fine provided I don't ever use the terms "Force" or "Jedi" in this midevil book?

Let me put it this way: The parallel to Jedi's didn't even occur to me until you mentioned it.

If it bugs you enough you could always figure out something to give the character that Jedi's don't have. Of course critics will just say they're "Basically like Jedi's with X."

And a Mary Sue is like a godmodded character, no? You say you have development, so you're clear of that.

That does fill me with a bit of relief.

The concept doesn't bug me - I like the concept alot. I just felt like I was drawing close enough to territory where readers would take the book and go, "Okay, fuck this," and put it down.

Well if the book's good they wouldn't do that, despite the similarity to jedis. The reader might go "huh, he's like a jedi" then continue reading. And from your description, the jediness seems pretty integral to the plot, so changing a core aspect like that would probably mess things up too much, and not be worth it.

And it's not like the force and jedis were the most unique and original idea to begin with anyway.

I'm gonna be honest the Jedi thing was the first thing that occurred to me as you were describing it. Actually the first thing that occurred to me was Dream Girl from the Legion of Super-Heroes but Jedis were like the thing right after that.

That said the hell with it, everybody loves Jedis. Powers are less important than what you're doing with them anyway.

All that entirely aside seriously though - half elves? Just go ahead and make your dude an entire elf. Or I mean heck do something you don't see every day, like a half Dwarf. No wait! A half Elf half Dwarf. Now there'd be one conflicted motherfucker.

I didn't think Jedi. I did think Matrix.

That's cause you're not cool enough to read Legion of Super-Heroes.

Matrix?

Huh.

Awesome.

See NPF collectively has enough harsh critics that I figure running any idea past the Gauntlet can teach me weather or not I should do it. Hence why I usually open up the occasional, "Okay, does this sound stupid?" thread based on writing.

Now I hope that you fuckers are going to buy my stuff when I publish it.

I didn't notice the parallel until you mentioned it, and then I skimmed it again to double check. In all honesty, it's a good enough concept that I wouldn't care, I'd still read the book.

Holy shit, did that make me laugh.

Wouldn't that just be a normal person...?

(Elf: tall, fair, no hair except on head. Dwarf: short, always beard, hardy. Human: average height, sometimes facial hair, less hardy than dwarves but moreso than elves.)

Anyway, yeah, the jedi parallel didn't occur to me until you said it, but I like the character and stuff. And everyone loves jedis.