The Warring States of NPF

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batgirl 04-03-2004 11:37 PM

JAd said the same thing. I wrote it in Word and the paragraphs didn't transfer for some reason. But I should have gone back and redone them, so your criticism is warranted and appreciated. Also, thanks for the A!

Krylo 04-03-2004 11:42 PM

Quote:

Depressing. Not that sort of enlightning depressing, just plain ole' fashion, 'kicked in the gut' depressing. I sense much anger, angst, and goth in this, yeeesssss...
The anger and angst I can deal with... but I should really slap you for that goth comment. Fortunately, I'm too busy writing bad poetry.

No really... I just felt like doing something a little differently... and I started it off with a quote from someone, and just started typing. That's what I ended up with... figured it was pretty decent and tossed it up.

IHateMakingNames 04-03-2004 11:44 PM

I figured he didn't want to do another fantasy thing like every post in here so far (Besides Storm's).

Zephie 04-03-2004 11:46 PM

You forgot Batgirl's, IHMN. d ^.^ b

IHateMakingNames 04-03-2004 11:49 PM

I should have said what I meant in a different way...

Storm's and krylo's post are real life, depressing situations (Meaning boring) and don't involving any sorts of fights or betrayals (Intresting things).

Forever Zero 04-03-2004 11:54 PM

All fantasy? Screw that, I may be forced to submit something to get some modern/sci-fi in here to balance out all these elves and fairies...

If you don't give a care about being graded or official, how long a story do you think could be submitted? I've got seven pages of a partially completed story sitting around. and if anyone wanted to see it, I could finish it, but it may end up being around 12 pages...

And krylo, it was decent, but I like my depressing with some knowledge to balance it out like Brave New World or Fahrenheight 451 or something... I figured saying it was goth would get my point across. Normally if you go for depressing, try to do something to balance it out is my point, but it was excellent otherwise...

Zephie 04-03-2004 11:56 PM

Now that's a different story, IHMN. ^_^

IHateMakingNames 04-03-2004 11:56 PM

Actually, since I just remembered this is an RP rating thread (As much as possible), I am lowering krylo's potentional A to a B. How often will we be RPing as fat, old drunken ex-jocks who's wives (Who has the same name of Celes I noticed) are cheating on them, them killing themselves?

Mr. Viewtiful 04-04-2004 12:18 AM

Here's my submission I just typed up. The setting may be familiar to some, but I typed it mostly for those who never heard of this setting. Take note that I just typed this up, and that although it may use an existing setting/character, I still think it's a worthwhile read.
------------------------
”Look, if you had one shot,
One opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted…
One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

His palms are sweaty,
Knees weak, arms are heavy…”


Although this didn’t apply to the young man, it was the song that was going through his head at the time. Slowly but surely, the man climbed up the stairs of the abandoned building, making his way to the rooftop where his destiny awaited. His blue cargo pants made it’s *swish, swish* as he ascended, with his matching blue #54 football jersey making a similar noise, as well. Old black basketball shoes made their way up the stairs, their comfortable Dr. Scholl’s cushioning keeping the man’s feet from blistering. He was working up a sweat as he made his way up, but finally he reached the top, opening the door to the rooftop as he arrived.

It was difficult to see, as the man was wearing blue sunglasses that night. A sudden, chilly wind blew and nearly blew off his backwards purple baseball cap, a golden T emblazoned above its bill. He made his way towards a 10’x10’ taped-down cardboard surface on the rough rooftop. Standing in the middle, the man realized that this would truly be his finest hour.

Below on the streets, chaos ensued. Wild, sentient soda machines were spewing lethally-fast cans of soda at terrorized citizens. Other commonly used household appliances were also laying siege to the once-beautiful city, with several flames burning like an inferno in the distance. The spectacle, reflected in the man’s azure sunglasses, looked like a total disaster to the man, but when he heard an insanely loud *thud* on the adjacent street corner, he knew the end was at hand. He turned to see a gigantic alien robot of a peculiar yet humanoid design. The large automaton was easily taller than the 6-story building the man was standing on, and was painted gleaming purple, with yellow accents and large, glowing red eyes.

“So you’re Robo-Z, the leader of this invasion?” asked the casually dressed man in a calm tone.

“Yes, and you’re the infamous Thumpman.” The giant replied in his robotic voice. “I have come to accept your challenge. I take it you know the rules of our duel?” Thumpman nodded seriously. “Good, then. Know that if I emerge victorious, your world shall be dominated by my superior race…”

“…and if you lose, then you’re going to get the heck out of here.” The smaller combatant replied.

“Let us begin.” Said Robo-Z. With that, two hovering scoreboards descended from the sky, labeled “ROBO-Z” and “THUMPMAN.” Even more speaker-like objects descended, along with spotlights and a judge robot.

“You know the rules, so let the dance-off begin!” cried the judge-bot over the speakers. With that, techno/dance music started to blare through the speakers.

”I’m flyin’ to a soul…”
Robo-Z immediately began his dance in the middle of the street corner, spotlights reflecting off his sleek, purple surface as he performed flawless robot-esque movements, his score on the respective board rising. Thumpman began also, starting with simple moonwalks and his own flawless robot-like dance.

The two kept this up in a trance-like state for about a minute, with people and alien appliances alike looking on, knowing the future lay in the balance. However, Robo-Z thought differently. If the judge can’t see what my foe is doing, then my victory is ensured, as his score would cease to rise… With that, Robo-Z pointed his left arm up towards Thumpman’s spotlights and fired off his built-in ion cannon, disabling Thumpman’s spotlights. Even though he continued to dance, his score didn’t rise.

Luckily, Thumpman was prepared. He landed from a handstand and whipped out a pair of glowsticks from his pockets and started to rave. The dual glowing objects were even more impressive than his previous efforts, and his score shot up on his scoreboard at a faster rate than his opponent. If Robo-Z had emotions, he’d be furious right about now, yet he continued his smooth, graceful dance.

Another two minutes passed, and after about three minutes of non-stop dancing, the song ended. The judge floated over and raised the winner’s arm in the air. “By a slight amount of points, the winner is Thumpman!” its voice boomed over the speaker system. Thumpman was slow to realize that he had won, as he was heavily panting and his semi pale-colored skin was drenched in sweat. Before he could fully realize his victory, a blue colored stream of light hit the ground below him, collapsing the roof and sending the young adult plummeting down a few floors to his demise.

And some time passed...

Robo-Z kept his promise and left Earth, along with his invasion army. However, after Thumpman’s funeral, the people didn’t feel much like celebrating. His body wasn’t found, yet everyone knew that the chances of him surviving was slim, so after days of searching, they proclaimed him dead. The few possessions the musician once had were donated to charity, and life returned to normal.

Yet, if one looked in the alleys on certain nights, he might see a boombox-toting vigilante, wearing a blue #54 jersey and a backwards purple baseball cap cleaning up the streets. Some people think it’s an imposter; others believe it’s Thumpman’s tormented soul, who never found rest and haunts the streets. A seldom few still think he’s alive, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is this: the legend will never die.

Krylo 04-04-2004 12:18 AM

Actually, Celes's name is Jenessa, not Jessica...


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