Self Gratifying Interactive Story TWO: The Legend of Joel
 

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This is Joel. He works as middle management for FunCo. With only one week to retirement, his last assignment is filing a report of the destruction of Funactory, one of its subsidiaries.

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Hey, it's Nick from the mail room. ...What's up with his eyes?

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"DSKFNothyjlkxctuionxforyhytjlwserigmthemasterfont yhmf.miyy;uijkxcvbm;lo8."
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"SKRAAAAAAH!"

Joel's fate is up to you.

(I'll try to keep this updated frequently, but school starts on Monday.)

Throw your monitor at the alien and yell, "I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT NINE TIMES!"

Throw the exclamation point over your head like a throwing knife at the alien.

That's kinda like Joel's superpower or something.

What about reasoning with the thing? It would be a shame to hack it to pieces and then find out it just wanted a fourth for Hungry Hungry Hippos or something.

Onion's right! Ask it if it wants to play Monopoly... or Scrabble...

I with the onion. We need more reasoned discourse in the world.

Yes, ask pleasently what you can help him with.

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I play twister. Monopoly is for losers.

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Hmmm.

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"Look, why do we have to be violent and acid-shooting? We could just... talk.
...You've never had anyone to talk to before, have you?"

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"SNIFFLE"

Give the poor guy a hug. Maybe then you can find out what happened.

His defense is down! Now, strike him down! I've always hated Nick.