The Warring States of NPF - Horrible things you've done in tabletop games

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Horrible things you've done in tabletop games

Ever have a character who just devolved into a psychotic mass murderer? Ever impulsively press a button and doom half the world? Post stories of horrific things your characters have done. The kind that just make you sound horrible to anyone who wasn't there.

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Me and a couple buddies once got together and decided to make up a quick game, so we wrote down a few basic stats, and just started winging it in a modern setting. Naturally, since we had no direction, this quickly devolved into a hilarious spree of thefts and murders that I actually cannot recall (I'm pretty sure genetic mutant vampires were involved though), but that's not important. What's important, is that we killed a really big-name pop star on stage (I think we called her Jem), and then fled town. I swear our original intention was to be semi-heroic characters! It just didn't work out that way...

So some months later, we decided to do this again. We made new stats up for it, and started to play, only this time, we met a psychotic mutant who was trying to think of a way to outdo our last characters, which we thought was dandy (we were also pretty terrified of this guy), so my character convinced "Joey E" (think MC Hammer crossed with the Backstreet Boys) to come to our city for a memorial concert for Jem. Meanwhile, my friend set about procuring protective suits, while our ally procured a large amount of some military grade chemical weapon.

So you can see where this is going, right? Well, it gets pretty good.

As a favour to the guy who helped me get Joey E to come to town, my character ended up saddled with his sister as a date for the concert. I should have noticed that he was hitting the hard stuff at 9AM. She was... vapid, to say the least. So we did our suits up like blingy costumes, and went to the concert. We set up a bunch of gas canisters on a timer to start dispensing the stuff when the concert was in full swing, and took a canister with each of us as well. We all had front row seats (procured by moi).

My character tried to hand his canister to his "date" as the "new coke," but Joey E snatched it away from me. What followed was a marvelous impression from our GM, of a man doing ridiculous dance moves, then puking up his intestines.

Unfortunately, we underestimated our gas a little bit, and ended up essentially creating a death fog that rolled over the city.

Now, lets just hope I'm not the only one who's ever had a game turn into GTA, or this thread is gonna be less funny and more creepy.

We had an entire DnD session that was the players in a restaurant and one of the players purposefully ate his fish with his steak knife.
The waiter was outraged!

My exploits are rather tame, the worst I can recall is whilst playing a Star Wars game, I got pissed at another player and shoved his heavily modded blaster rifle up a bantha's ass. He then proceeded to get it out.

I will say no more on that particular subject.

My friends, however, are another story altogether.

I was GMing a game of Road Trip Generic (which is basically the same as the game Vyper described, only in any setting deemed proper) in a DnD setting, because I didn't feel like getting overly complicated. When my friend John, playing a thief, starts the following chain of events:

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John: I want to steal something.
Me: From where?
John: Someone's house.
Me: How do you get in?
John: By picking the lock on the front door.
Me:*Flips coin* Catastrophic fail. As you are picking the lock, the door swings open and the owner is staring at you. You recognise him as the captain of the guards. What do you?
John: I run like hell.
Me: He runs faster than hell and catches you.
John: Hey, wait, you didn't even flip the coin!
Me: I am the GM. If I say you got caught, you either got caught or you explode into a small cloud of confetti. Your pick.
Other Friends:*Laughing their asses off.*
John: Fine.
Me: You are thrown into jail. The only things in your cell are your bunk, which is bolted to the wall, and a half-full chamber pot, four days old. The guard is leaning against the wall in front of your cell door.
John: I try to sweet talk the guard into letting me out.
Me: He laughs at you.
John: I threaten his family if he doesn't let me out.
Me: He frowns at you. He is getting mad.
John: I throw the contents of the chamber pot at him.
Me: Huh?
John: I dump the chamber pot on him!
Me: Okay... He opens the door and beats you to a bloody pulp. He then leaves and comes back five minutes later with the captain. The captain says, "Congratulations, you have just been sentenced to death!"
John: I hate you.
Me: You're the one who started throwing shit.
Other Friends:*Still laughing their asses off* We'll come and help you.
John: Thanks.

What then ensues is, I step down from GM because I can no longer breathe I am laughing so hard, my friend who didn't want in now takes over and tortures the players, John especially, who is killed in the brawl resulting from the attempted rescue. Ironically, it is the player who originally suggested the rescue that kills him. What happened was, he killed a guard, took his polearm, and threw it at the captain of the guards, who was standing in front of John. The captain ducked and John was bisected at the waist. Other mishaps from the brawl include our mage sticking his hand into a guard's helmet, letting loose a blast of lightning and somehow missing, and someone swinging a sword, it glancing off of a guard's armor and cutting off his own leg.

I know it sounds far-fetched, but it happened.

As a druid, I once got someone to eat an acorn and forced a tree to grow from said acorn.

Does that make me a bad person?

We had a newer person to the group playing with us in a Suikoden-based campaign. This new person decides to insult our esteemed leader, who is a PC in Suiko 1+2, meaning the DM has made him around level 15 compared to our level 3 characters. Here's the basic outline of the fight:

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DM: You just insulted Viktor, who is easily twice your size and fully capable of ripping your own arm off and beating you with it.
Newbie: I tackle him.
DM: What?
Newbie: I tackle whatshisface.
DM: Roll for Bull Rush.
*They roll. DM gets a 20 to Newbie's 4.*
DM: You bounce off of his body harmlessly. Pissed, Viktor picks you up by the shoulders and holds you face to face. He says-
Newbie: I spit in his eye.
*At this point, my ribs are beginning to hurt. I imagine the restof the group is in similar pain*
DM: He throws you across the room, pulls out his sword, and swings at you. *Crits* Lucky you. He only cut off one testicle. *Rolls d8* Take 6 points of constitution damage.
Newbie: I throw my dismembered testicle at him.
DM: He is beyond furious. You're lucky every other person in the room was smart enough to grab him, because you wouldn't survive this time.
*Our teammates promptly grab Newbie, and drag him out of the room*
Newbie: *Loks at me, the only healer in the group* Please, you gotta use Heal on me. *We had a single usage of Mass Heal per day through some magic item*
Me: I'm sorry, but it's pretty obvious that you're not very popular around here, and if I want to get anywhere around here, I can't be directly associated with you. *I then walk back into the base with the NPCs*

Or another story from a group that was going on in the same room as us (Real-life room; we met at a library, and split into two different campaigns):

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The group is playing d20 Modern, and needs to get inside of the house of the mayor of Chicago to search for anything related to the occult. Instead of the standard "Wait till he's out of the house, then sneak in," methodology that a group made of three rogues, a bard, and a fighter might come up with, they opt for a different plan.

They go to every Petco within a hundred mile radius of Chicago, buying all the scorpions each store would have. They then placed all these scorpions on the main floor of the mayors house, and rewired his phonelines. The next morning, the mayor picked up the phone, to which they responded "Terminex here, what do ya need?"

That's right. They got themselves hired to kill the scorpions that they infected the mayors house with.

One last story, from later on in that same campaign:

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The group had come across a possessed snow globe, and learned that the only way that particular demon could be exercised from the item was to engulf it in flames. They threw it into an oven, and the demonic spirit was destroyed.

The next week, they meet another player character, who has a mute child with him that was relevant to future plot hooks. The group, deciding that this person has been duped by the obviously-possessed girl (She refused to answer the question "Are you a demon?" after all), proceed to knock the PC character out with a sneak attack from a folding chair they found in an earlier room, and then threw the girl in the oven, trying to "exercise the demon out of her."

The campaign ended that week when the PC who had been hit with the chair woke up, was invited to join the other PCs, and then proceeded to call the cops when they weren't looking.

I only hope my group of friends are the only ones deranged enough to think these things up, because the thought of other groups of people being this evil in a decidedly good campaign scares me.

I used to be pure evil in good campaigns, to the point where the DM forced me to be good. Apparently, team killing is frowned upon.

I wonder if paranoia stories count, as the very basis of the game is doing horrible things to each other

In one campaign I was playing a thief who was extremely pissed off at the paladin for being a no-fun goody two shoes. I go with the dm to get a soda from the nearby machine away from the rest of the party and tell him that during the next battle we run into I'm going to "roll a one and hit the paladin". The DM gets the hint and during the next round "You roll a 1 an hit <player> for X damage, who dies". Since this worked so well and I'm greedy I continue to off the party one by one like this till someone finally realizes that Daggers wouldn't naturally deal that much damage unless I'm using sneak attack. As they turn on me a give a not too subtle wink to the caster in the group who everyone of course everyone thinks is in on my plan who then cast some spell while trying to defend himself and kills everyone.

Let's start with one of my favorite exploits of my first truly psychotic character, the insane necromancer Faustus Geisteskrank.

The group was sent to rout some druids/barbarians for, as I recall, being druids/barbarians. There was probably something else but I don't remember.

Anyways, we captured one, and Geisteskrank had an idea. A wonderful idea. A wonderful, awful idea.

He took his knife and showed the barbarian his reflection in the blade, claiming that he had used his magic to steal the barbarian's soul.

Naturally this worked, and the barbarian lived to see his tribe horribly massacred by Geisteskrank, his allies, and a few zombies.

Geisteskrank also murdered animals and their pups as well as sold drugs on the side. He was also TOTALLY INSANE.

Now for a less evil thing, from Champions. My group had to go undercover as villains for a while, and we decided to get some revenge on a hero who had injured us. My character (a ki-based martial artist and ex-movie star) had done some less-than-honorable things even before going undercover, and reluctantly went along with it as he was starting to realize what he was turning into. He almost backed off when they were scouting the hero who was carrying an old lady's grocieries.

What really drove him into remorse was accidentally killing a cultist (he used an energy blast which blew her up, to his utter SHOCK as he never realized how dangerous his energy beams were to normals). He then dedicated himself to make up for his past mistakes, until he was killed for defending another hero.

My next character, a mage, didn't do anything horrible but rather the opposite: He was basically browbeaten and bullied by another mage who constantly cut him down for his flawed use of magic, until the mage gave my character an item that would severely weaken a major villain's power at the expense of his own life, to 'make himself useful'. Without even hesitating, my character accepted despite the rest of his group trying to persuade him not to ("Saving six billion lives at the cost of my own is more than a fair trade"), and the mage would afterwards toast: "He was a crappy mage but a hell of a hero". The irony being that my character didn't think of his sacrifice as heroic at all.

Back to horrors caused by PCs... the twisted story of Jean Farde.

Jean was made for a Vampire: The Requiem game. He was a Cajun roguish theif and master of pickpocketing, rigged gambling, and seduction who began a slow descent into madness as a vampire. Eventually the sanctum he was living in caught on fire, and his only true friend, a ghoul who had helped him cope with the world he unwillingly entered, was found with burns all over her body and at the brink of death.

Jean knew the ghoul wanted to eventually become embraced, so he did so, incorrectly thinking her body would heal. When he realized what he had done, he put her permanently out of her misery, and fell into a state of deep depression followed by formulating a plan to 'fix it'.

He found a girl who looked like the ghoul, and with the help of his seductive charms he got her ghouled to him. He then had her modified to look EXACTLY like Elizabeth (the ghoul) and gave her the following five Asimov-eque rules:

1. You will answer only to Elizabeth.
2. Any orders I give you superscede any orders given to you by others.
3. You will not do any harm to me.
4. You will not take the blood of any other vampire besides me.
5. You will follow any order from another vampire unless they contradict the last four rules.

He then convinced himself that his new ghoul WAS Elizabeth. This pissed off the real Elizabeth's master, who would have both of them executed. Before his execution, Jean would show nothing but remorse for what he did: "I would apologize for what I have done, but even I can't forgive myself."

Setting, D&D 3.5 Faerun.
Character, 20th lvl Gnome Illusionist
Dilemma, DM dared me to not use a single round to destroy citizens of said city.

Solution I found? I prepared for a bit, by casting Simulacrum on myself around 80 times or so (I lost track, I just handed my solution on paper to DM), stuffed them all into my Bag of Holding IV. Simulacrums aren't technically living creatures, so all my clones didn't need to breathe while in the Bag. Upon said turn, I tipped the bag upside down, spilled them all out, and we all cast fly upon outselves, "globally positioning" ourselves around the city proper... then at once, simply cast Magic Missile.

For the record, that was a tame solution for me, and its why yet _another_ Illusion spell was banned from my gaming group... (and me from playing spellcasters)