Game Reviews
 

(Can we sticky this? It seems as though once a week I, or someone else, asks about a game/talks about a game/talks about upcoming game.)

For some strange, unfathomable reason, I trust a lot of you folks. Well... mostly. Some of you told me not to buy FEAR. I didn't listen and bought it anyways. ...Why didn't I listen?

I mean... okay, I'm a fan of first person shooters. I'm a fan of the survival horror genre. I like games with a little bit of story. So far, FEAR has disappointed me on all fronts.

First Person Shooter? Well, it is first person... and you do shoot things.... but at the same time, it's bad. Like, the opposite of good. This might just be a shoddy port for the PS3, but I expected better. Not the same clunky sound effects and graphical glitches. Maybe a little more detailing on the guns and hands of the protagonist. For that matter, maybe a little more detail in all graphical aspects of the game. It does look pretty bad - not terrible... but not great.

Survival Horror? What there is no survival, and there is no horror. It's pretty much slow motion, shoot, shoot, slow motion runs out, hide, shoot, image of someone bleeding and then gore. Gore does not equal scary. So showing skeletons in a pool of blood doesn't make the creators into Wes Craven or Rob Zombie or whoever's making those godawful horror flicks these days. Plus, you can carry medkits - so after the umpteenth soldier you kill finally manages to hit you before going down, you can heal that one hit point back instantly.

Plot? I can't even hear what they're saying. It's pretty much "Stop the cannibalistic super soldier who's gone totally insane." And there's a little girl walking around, too, she looks pretty pissed. Oh well.

I just bought Kingdom Hearts, Warhawk and Dirge of Cerebus. Are they any good?

The only one of those three I've played is Kingdom Hearts, which I really enjoyed. It succeeds in spite of it's flaws, and they are some pretty ridiculously horrible flaws which one normally wouldn't expect a game to succeed in spite of.

The camera seems to be some strange sentient being actively trying to shit the game up for you, the platforming segments are unnecesary and just don't work at all, the dialogue and cutscenes can be awkward, and there are countless other problems.

Yet the game somehow still manages to be really fun and likable.

See Seil, you made the mistake of getting the PS3 version of FEAR. It is a shoddy port.

Also, Warhawk:

Probably one of the best games of its type. There are 3 main types of combat, foot, ground and air. Generally speaking, Foot > Air, Air > Ground, Ground > Foot.

Its very balanced, no weapons or vehicles are too powerful. My only real complaint is that they keep releasing content packs, and I dont wanna buy them, but I also dont wanna get left out of some of the game modes and such.

Oh yea, and it supports 4 people on one console for online play.

Warhawk is awesome, definately one of the best online games around. Although there are a few problems, namely a complete lack of team balance a times (you'll often start games on teams that are outnumbered and several points behind), but once you find a good match with good players it's great. Also the warhawks = most awesome vehichle in a game ever. There are tons of weapons for them and in the right hands they're incredible, but not to the point of being overpowered.

Plus there's now 3 expansion packs which include 3 new maps and vehicles, including jetpacks.

And Josh, the expansions don't include any game modes, just maps and vehichles. And they're only cheap, cost me £9 for all 3, which still only brings the game to £29 in total, which is still cheaper than most games.

Go do yourself a favor.
1 - Stomp on your toe.
2 - Turn in Dirge of Cerberus and say it's broken or whatever.
3 - Spend ten dollars and get Devil May Cry, which is the exact same damn thing but a million times better and seven years older.

No.

Kingdom Hearts - Decent game but I never finished it. If a game puts me to sleep or is unclear about a part where I AM put to sleep, then I can't finish.

Right when you have to find a princess again it put me to sleep so I never had the heart to finish...

Warhawk - Awesome Awesome AWESOME. You will like it. But get the Orange Box while you're at it. You'll thank me later. ;)

Dirge - NO.

What? You didn't like Vincent McBadass turning out to be Vincent McChildmolester? Besides, she isn't really a little girl, she just looks like one. That makes it totally different.

EDIT: On the subject of whether or not a game is good, should I get Tales of Vesperia?

Kingdom Hearts is just boring through and through. They make you think its a good game, but it fails in comparison to S-E's other projects, like unlimited saga. Anyone remember that disaster?

So you bought the games, and after the fact ask us if they're any good?
At this point you may as well play them and find out yourself. Or ask about games you haven't already bought. I mean, we're not Yahtzee here, our reviews aren't going to have much entertainment value all by themselves.