But would it be worth it, IQ? Is this shit worth trying to make palatable, or is it a waste (ha) of effort? I haven't read Twilight (a record which I fully intend to keep untarnished, save for that delightful MSTing), but from what I gather, all Twilight is is a plotless, plodding, ham-fistedly cliched "romance" "story" that would fit in perfectly with the dregs of fanfiction.net.

Re-writings of passages? Sounds fun! How about:

A few languid comments about the weather were all the beast could muster as he attempted to prove his humanity once more, and, for my part, I was quite happy to let it stay at that. We looked out the windows cloaked in a thick silence. I know not what thoughts filled the creature at my side, but the beauty helped to ease my mind from the terror of its presence. The light filtering through the leaves lent a gentle green glow to all aspects of the woods before me, which soothed my mind and put me at ease.

Oh, or how about this:

I stared at the deathly pallor that hung about their languid and unmoving faces like a forbidding omen of the terrible beasts that lurked just beneath the thin veneer of humanity they wore like a mask over the terrible truth. The absolute lie of their appearance was evident in their perfection--these were faces which could never exist through the fallible hands of genetics and nature. They were masterpieces of form, of the type which could only have been created by the hands of true masters of the arts, but, as the stone of a statue, they were cold and dead things. It was hard to decide who was the greatest affront to any gods I may have called upon that night — maybe the sickeningly perfect girl with hair the color of spun gold, or the boy with hair of bronze.


Yeah, I'm taking this in a new direction. Ain't no glitters in MY re-write!

I think Krylo could actually make these books good. Good show, sir!

Um... okay? That's pretty much what I already said.

Brain-eating spores. The real vampires of the book. The brain-mushification is probably what causes sparkles to be hallucinated.

And nothing's wrong with "greenly". Freaking adverbists.

The plot's more than hackneyed, it's borderline nonexistent. The conflict of the story is clearly just forced in at the end because she realized there is no plot. And as you said, the characters are flat. I think those two things were the book's primary problems.

The writing was very flawed, what with the constant description of Edward's perfection and all. Another problem of hers that I don't believe was mentioned in this thread was her habit of going "I came home and I got out a box of cereal and I got a bowl and I poured the cereal into the bowl and then I got some milk and poured that into the bowl of cereal and I sat down and I ate the cereal before going to the computer and turning on the internet and I waited for the page to load..." as if she was trying to pad out her plotless story.

However, there was something about her style of writing (not including those problems I mentioned) that makes the 500something pages go by rather quickly. The writing works for a young adult novel as well, it's easy to follow and entertaining. Kinda like what you said:

Krylo, if I weren't already taken, I'd think I might love you. Will a cookie suffice?

I think that would actually be hilarious. Take the entire plot, re write the whole thing, and release it for free on the internet as "Twilight version 2." Show the world what a hack she is.

Just a quick aside, five pages later and the motion received no second. The motion fails and Fifth is still a sparkly vampire.


Anyway, on to less entertaining things. Invisible Queen, I found your re-write to be much better than the original, even if the original was just a crapfest of no dialog followed by the musing of the color green. I'm really surprised that these books became as popular as they are with as poorly written as they are. Even your little teeny bopper girl should have found a better written story about making it with a vampire.

I didn't mean to say that there's nothing wrong with "greenly" in the passage: she managed to bungle a cliché, after all. There's nothing wrong in principle with "greenly" or even the original cliché itself (besides it being a cliché.) The fact that Invisible Queen's rephrasing works around using "greenly" is an improvement because of the context.

In another context where there's no call for trying to convey a sense of wonder and/or of overwhelming green-ness, I think sticking to the more understated "greenly" would have been appropriate.