FIDDY CENT: BLOOD ON THE SAND
 

So, you know when a game is announced that you just know will be bad, not because it's a stupid idea but because it's a licensed game and they never put any effort into those? /bitter

Well, I'm sure I'm not the only person who has fantasized that somebody in the game development business might screw on their head right one day and do what needs to be done to make a proper game. For example, a friend told me about 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand one day in math class and I thought he was joking. The plot - 50 Cent finds a cursed skull in the Middle East and it gets stolen by terrorists or something, requiring him to CAP A BITCH - sounds just crazy enough to be somebody's idea of a gripping story, and I thought it was just another money grab.

But then it got my friend and I talking. Wouldn't it be just peachy if they made a game like that... but it didn't take itself seriously? I mean, rather than making Fiddy out to be some kind of saviour of the universe, just get all Teh Gangstaz up in there, fill it with random cursing, give it over-the-top action, and generally make it So Bad It's Good. That would be a game I would play, but sadly, 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand was surely doomed to failure as usual.

So imagine my surprise when I hear the game has been released, and it's actually GOOD. Not excellent, but it's a far cry from terrible. With a points system based around doing crazy stuff and completing optional objectives, online co-op, and yes, a story that doesn't take itself seriously ("Bitch took mah skull!"), this is apparently the game I was wishing somebody would fucking make already.

I haven't played it yet - I'm a little worried about it being too good to be true - but I'm eager to hear whether somebody else has yet.

So how is it?

I just want to say this seems a lot like my dream of someone taking Shaq-Fu and remaking it into a really awesome fighting game. With you know, the same plot of Shaq walking into a Chinsese food store and getting sucked into magic-feudal China in order to track down a magic basketball.

I haven't played it but the Joystiq review made me want to at least rent it:

http://www.joystiq.com/2009/02/24/jo...d-on-the-sand/

"Speaking of choppers, they're pretty much the only boss you'll ever fight. I suggest that you, as I did, tell yourself that (like the mongoose and snake) 50 Cent and helicopters are natural enemies -- their constant struggle isn't just the norm, it's dictated by the laws of nature!...As an aside: If you're at all able to, you must play this game co-operatively with a friend. Hearing members of G-Unit drop British idioms like "safe as houses," waging war on helicopters and completing The Worst Ending Ever is never so sublimely ridiculous as when you can share it with someone you love."

And apparently solid gameplay that plays a bit like "Gears of War with the combo focus and pacing of The Club."

Too bad (or good?) the storyline's only 6-7 hours long.

So now I need to rent this and help get back Fiddy's bling skull, totally covered in ice, y'dig?

My god, that's EXACTLY what I thought when I read the plot summary.

What they're actually not telling you is that it's just Shaq-Fu with 50 Cent.

For a second, I thought you were talking about Barkley's Shut up and Jam, then I was like, "Oh, okay"

I bought this game today. I spent actual English pounds on it. And I can confirm that is is, in fact, good. Do you like Gears of War? Good, because this game almost IS GoW with a 50 cent skin. The control scheme is very similar, the cover system is practically identical, melee attacks are brutal and are always a guaranteed kill when timed right, co-op is drop-in drop-out, just like GoW, and you always have a partner by your side, just like GoW. Haven't tried co op myself yet though.

It is definetely more arcadey with points being thrown at you. You're often asked to clear little scenearios, most of which consist of killing certain targets within a short timeframe. Failing these has no consequence, but clearing them will earn a points bonus, and if you used your pistol to do it, you'll get a temporary ammo change for your guns, either exploding or incendiary bullets.

You know, reading this, it seems like "so bad it's good" is good and all, but couldn't people just stick with playing Gears of War 2 until this hits bargain bin prices or something, since Gears of War 2 plays like Gears of War 2 but probably has a slightly better story? I mean, we don't actually want to encourage people to keep making games starring 50 Cent...

Do we?

Meh, I was hoping for a Young Jeezy game.

I envision it as essentially The Sims, but with Young Jeezy. Also, guns.


EDIT: Also, am I out of touch with mainstream culture for only having heard of Young Jeezy two weeks ago?

What is a Jeezy?

EDIT: I like how in the trailer 50 Cent survives a shotgun blast that appears to go off about an inch from his face.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1J9TMwXvSA

Of course, the part where he holds the helicopter pilot hostage while shooting a bunch of soldiers with the chaingun in the other hand is pretty realistic.

This is the reason I'm having a hard time stomaching this game.