Calvinball IX. Escape the Rules.
 

the lights quickly rise as Pyro's fill up the arena. the voice of the commentaters, JR and Jerry "The King" Lawler ring out in the stadium.

JR: "Welcome everyone, to Thursday Night Calvinball! there's sure to be a slobberknocker tonight!"

The King: "I just hope we get to see some puppies!"

JR: "What the hell are you talking about king?"

all eyes then focus on the main stage, upon the Titantron (really big tv screen) appears flashing Letters: Y2J, as well as a countdown. the countdown ends, and the music Break the Walls Down starts playing.

After the huge pyro's go off, SAAM appears on the stage and walks down to the Ring, awaiting his first challanger.

And he is HoP the god of chess is the chalenger.

The Opening bell rings, and SAAM starts by throwing HoP into the turnbuckle (corner) and hitting him mercilessly with titty-slaps. he backs off for a second, to let the now red-chested HoP recover a little.

"ARGGGG" enraged HoP throws pawns into saam's eyes for temperary blinding

"Dag namit!" SAAM yells as a chess piece smacks him in the eye. in response SAAM lets out the Running Enziguri (basically, running at you, step on your shoulder and boot you in the side of the head) HoP went down like a hobo on a baked potato.

ah.. but HoP has magic so he uses RONDOKEN makes rone clones attack and if they hit you then you get a british accent which makes penguins attack you. and it hits you.

"My word!" the Slightly Above Average Brit yells, and a penguin starts pecking at him.

"I say, would you please stop that?"
SAAB then pulls out a Bag of Jesus from under the ring and bashes the penguin away.
He then swings at HoP, shattering every bone in his body.

SAAB looks in the bag

"Oh, Bloody hell! I grabbed the sack of doorknobs instead. the fans will love that when they see it on the telly!"

then HoP turns into a jelly creature until his bones heal.
then the french come hearing the accent of evil and attack and verbally insult SAAM

...and then surrender.

but before they do they say that your mother is a hamster thus making hamsters attack you