How much alcohol does it take to bring Fifthfiend back?
 

Subtitle - Or to forget about him entirely.

sober:

So I was wondering why I hadn't seen a post from Fifthfiend in awhile, then all of a sudden somebody mentioned he had left. I'm all, WTF, that's not right. Surely he's still around, I just haven't lurked enough to notice him.

Sure enough, looking at Fifth's history, the last thing he posted was ridiculing me on my misuse of the period, or lack thereof. I find this to have been a poor departure on his part. The jackass didn't even say goodbye. What, he thinks he can just waltz around here all high and mod-like? So proud? So cock-sure? Prancing aboot with his head full of eyeballs.

No. No, FUCK YOU, Fifth. We're glad you're gone. You're an ass. I haven't hated anyone more since my mom roasted my gecko when she forgot to buy the correct light bulb after the first burnt out.

I loved that little gecko. I named him Gex after the video game. Sure, he never let me hold him, and always tried to run away when I cleaned his cage, but he was a cool little guy. So cute in his little tuxedo, trying to use the remote. He didn't do nothing, just hid under his rock. Almost never saw him. Stupid gecko, wasn't worth nothing. I'm glad you fried; like a wet child with a paper clip next to a toaster.

Anyways, this thread is to commemorate Fifthfiend, or to forget him with lots of booze, like a bad country song.

Also, I do not yet have enough alcohol for this venture. Presently:

2 bottles of Captain Morgan's Pirate Bay, Mojito
1/2 bottle of Kahlua
1/2 bottle of very diluted vodka
1/2 jug of Carlo Rassi, Paisano (grape wine)

So, I am off to get a little bit more depressant to wallow in the delight that is not Fifthfiend's presence, and I invite you all to join me. How many drinks will I need to stop caring that Fifthfiend is gone and wonder why the hell my pants are soggy?

Just getting started:

So, I went out to add another drink, Amaretto Silk. Looked interesting.

Also have snacks, so that hopefully I will remember to eat after awhile.

You know what's good about snow is that when you take the shopping cart to your vehicle, the snow stops it from sliding away. It's great.

snow sucks.

So, if I'm not too hungover tomorrow, I am going to be building a snow castle on the grounds of my college campus. We have been closed all week because of snow, and had two days off last week as well.

Ok, I have already forgotten where my sandwich went, cuz I definitely don't remember eating it. Fifthfiend stole my sandwich, you all saw him. demand a recount.

1 bottle of mojito down

Anyways, I need volunteers to do some slave work for me and build a snow sphinx in my likeness. Ireally hope I'm not too lazy to get it done, cuz I have been thinking about this all week and have been cooped up and only just today shoveled my driveway. There's so mucyh snow I could buld a cone.

So, Fifth. What has he really done for us? He mocks us, calls a bad names. Gives people fake bans, and then gives them a real ban for bitching about the fake ban. Then when you come back, he fake bans you again jsut to remind you that he's his bitch. Damn this mojito is good

You remember that velociraptor? It was in a fucking cheerleading outfit. I remember what he said when he got it, 'This is me." So he is a scaly, 6 billion year old fossil who likes to cross dress and has a thing for indiana jones ripoffs. that's ridiculous. Grow a larynx you fucking bird of prey.

time to piss. enjoy. I'll dfinish the last mojito on the way

Acid. Acid will make the Fifthfiend come back, preferably laced with Esctasy so you'll try to have sex with your horrible, horrible hallucinations. Or Alternatively, People geniuienly interacting with him like a person n'stuff... I don't know. Let the man go on about his llife, geez.

Dude, I miss Fifth as much as the next guy, but if he hasn't been here for a while, you can't exactly blame him. If I was him, I'd need some time away from this place. :/

2 mojitos, 1 whopper jr., and an empty bladder later

I am enjoying this horrible paissano wine more than I should. Also, this ameretto silk has a mix on the back that calls for sour milk. Screw you, I dont have that much time to waste on your so called ...

stone sour drink.

I feel like taking a shower too. Oh man, this stone sour smells like something that I do not think I would enjoy sober. Anybody who has had it tell me what it is so I know to avoid it laster.

Now, I dont know if you know this fifthfiend characterm but when he walks into the place, everything gets real quiet like. I mean, he's the biggest fucking mexican I ever seen. He seems to walk directly in the sunlight, crooked nose and evil sneer visible for all to see. but just as a shadow is about to cover his face, he leaps back into the glorious rays of Sol to scare the living shit out of any anwary passerby children, haunting their dreams for generations. But they forget about fifthfiend and his evil death glare, shining brightly in all of Sol's glory. they went on to lead normal lives

they become businessmen, doctors, lawyers. Important, contributing members of society. Until one night, in bed beside their loving wife, their two kids staying the weekend at grandma and grandpa's house, and they are about to make love. That's when it hits them, erectile disfucnction, and all of the horrible memories of that one fateful day come flooding abck to them. Because of fifthfiend, these once innocent children have grown up to be fat, hairy, balding men. yes, even the young girls, for gods mercy should not condemn these women to life of

i got hungry and don't remember where i wa going with that last sentence.

one glass of wine and half of a BIG glass of stone sour.

I also forgot that I dont drink is much if i am flat out not thirsty, and I am kinda not as thirsty, but hopefully i'll ge over it.

maybe if i throw up.

EDITNESS: If fifth doesn't come back, that's cool, he's got stuff to do I am sure, but I miss him and love him and want to carry his baby. Not in my belly, cuz that would hurt, but in my arms. hope he do well

So, are you trying to bring Fifth back with alcohol, or will you try to turn into him with alcohol? Also, I miss him, he's a funny person.

I've been trying to turn into Fifth by hating the living hell out of all of you... I think it might be working.

You will never be Fifth.

that's stupid, go to your room. And you dont get any supper until lunchtime.

stupid brat.

Hummus is my gift to you. Through my divine will have created thay which is known to mortals as the Chick Pea or Garbonzo Bean, and from it you may bask in it's goodness. Have some Pita.

EDIT:


Same goes for you.

Damn kids.

But I DO hate you.

Yup, the alcohol is working :p