Zoam has spent the past few hours recording the Imperial march onto a tape recorder, he presses play and summons Darth Vader. Ol' Darthy boy starts decapitating everyone, (with his lightsaber of course) and shooting force lightning into the air. "I find your lack of faith disturbing Slightly Above Average Man"

"I have more than enough faith in the Force, oh condom suited doofus." SAAL replies, and unleashes the Slightly Above Average Wang, which grows out like a lightsaber.

"we'll settle this the old fashioned way: first guy to die... Loses!"

and with that SAAL slices out the kneecaps of Darth Vader. suddenly, he transformes into Slightly Above Average Darth, and begins to strangle the life out of Zoamelgustar's nuts with the Force.

Then Jadarendir, undrunken and not dead (somehow) whips out the MASS, which glows with a red light.

"If you only knew the POWER... of the Dork Side.

SAAD starts talking in a deep rhasping voice:

"I have been waiting for you Oh Big One. when I left I was but the Learner, now I am the master."

and with that he uses his Blue Glowing LightSAAWer in an overhead strike at Jadarendir's head.

Jadarendir parries the attack.

"You're only a master of cheetos, SAAD."

SAAD once again strikes with a vertical blow, hoping to slice him in half.

"your powers are-" *Cough Cough*

SAAD pulls out a puffer and inhales, his voice is now small and nerdish.

"Your powers are weak old man... you should not have come!"

"I haven't come yet!!"

Then Natalie Portman walked onto the field.

"Oh, shit..."

Suddenly, SAAD's LightSAAWer grows tenfold.

"Jadarendir! I have someting to tell you. Will never told you who yo daddy is."

"I'm yo Daddy!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Then Jadarendir sat down and started eating a pie.

"Ooo-Kay, that was weird," said Ark.

"I have something else to tell you...

I am your brother's, Nephews, cousin's, uncle's, Former room-mate!"