Colgate Total Plus Whitening is pretty much the best toothpaste
 

I really don't see how any other product could live up to my high standards of dental hygiene.

EDIT: I'll allow that the name is kind of stupid because I mean if it's called "Total" that should really include the whitening. The version of Total without whitening should just be like, "Crest Almost-Total".

Aside from that though it is pretty much the best.

EDIT: I mean the gel toothpaste, paste toothpaste is gross as fuck.

I had a hole in one of my teeth that has been their for years, it was macroscopic and could be felt by tongue and dentist couldn't do much about it because of its positioning. It was filled in by Colgate MaxWhite with microcrystals.

Fuck all y'alls. I brush my teeth with Colgate Total Advanced Whitening which pretty much blows everything else any of you ever put in your mouths* out of the water.


*for the purposes of dental hygiene.

I want a toothpaste that uses white blood cells to kill bacteria hard. Sometimes I bleed myself and rinse my mouth with the blood. I can almost hear the germs scream in pain.

I use Crelm Toothpaste!

Oh man, this one time, Colgate Total Plus Whitening saved my entire village from being destroyed by demonic velociraptor ninjas. It was awesome-- you should've been there!

What the fuck? No way could they make it more advanced. Your are either a slimy mountebank or a delusional madman!

See this is what drives me nuts about the "Total" nomenclature, Total should just mean total, like that should be the maximum dental cleanliness coverage a toothpaste can have. There shouldn't have to be a Total Advanced I gotta worry about buying, Total itself should already incorporate the totality of advancements in toothpaste technology.

Like probably I use Total half the time and Total Advanced the other half because I just grab whatever says Total and assume I'm covered, but that means some of the time I'm not getting the maximum possible advancement of my toothbrushing experience, and really, that's just not the kind of life I'm trying to live.

My toothpaste is labeled as Total Advanced Clean with Whitening. Out of curiosity, I looked it up to see where it fit in the whole scheme and saw that there was a whole mess of Colgate and Colgate Total varieties, including Total, Total Advanced, Total Whitening, Total Advanced Fresh, Total Advanced Clean, and Total Baking Soda and Peroxide Whitening, and now I just don't know anymore.