The Warring States of NPF - OH NOES NOT ANOTHER ONE! Let's Play Pokemon EMERALD

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LETS PLAY POKEMON EMERALD!

Yeah, yeah, I know, there's enough of this crap already that isn't being updated on a regular basis, and I've been dissuaded from starting an LP before, but eh, whatever. I have a working copy of Emerald, and a high threshold for pain, suffering, and unappreciated work. THEREFORE! I'm doing Emerald. Because nobody's doing a Gen III game. We have one Gen I game that updates and one that doesn't exist (I blame Nikose), and one Gen II game that's been on hiatus for a while (Token, you asshat). My girlfriend's playing my physical cartridge, so when I booted up my ROM, I decided to start screencapping stuff for an LP.

I have a couple of rules for this LP:
You guys don't get much of a say in this one. I know, I know, GC is a little more democratic with his, but I will be taking SOME things you guys say into consideration (i.e. what starter I pick - though I may override your votes if I really feel like it, which Pokemon I capture at each Route, what their nicknames will be; this last one I WILL always abide by whatever gets the most votes).
I'm not Nuzlocke-ing this one. I hate the whole idea of treating a KO'd Poke as dead, and being restricted to capturing the first Pokemon you find in a route. So Nuzlocke can fuck off. Because Emerald is already fucking HARD.
I will be taking my own route through the game. If there is something you really, really, really feel I must do before I go anywhere, please state so, and I will take your posts into account before making my next decision on where to go.

I think that pretty much covers everything, so HERE WE GO!

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Huh? Wuzzat?

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World of Pokemon? Sounds like a bad WOW knock-off...

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Wait a minute, I've heard of you guys... you like sending prepubescent children irresponsibly into the world by themselves with nothing but crazy powerful monsters that would just as soon eviscerate you as look at you.

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Those things. That's what I was talking about. What. It could TOTALLY eviscerate you. Probably. Maybe. Okay fine, it looks adorable.

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Yeah, so I've heard.

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Wait, did you say battle? As in, pitting our adorable little freaks against each other? That sir, is called COCKFIGHTING. And it is ILLEGAL. I think...

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You don't say?

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That's just super.

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You need to get your contact lens prescription checked, dude.

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At least you heard my name right. My buddy over in Johto wasn't so lucky.

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Wait, WHAT? No, no, no, you're not sending me out to get myself dismembered.

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WAIT JUST A GODDAMN MINUTE, YOU IRRESPONSIBLE PRICK! I DEMAND A... huh? Why do I suddenly feel so... sleepy...

BUMP!

Huh? Oh, what now?

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Speaking of irresponsible, WHO MAKES THEIR SON RIDE IN THE MOVING TRUCK WITH ALL OF THEIR RIDICULOUSLY HEAVY POSSESSIONS, WHICH COULD POSSIBLY FALL ON TOP OF HIM AND CRUSH HIM UNDER THEIR WEIGHT?

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Oh, we're there already? Whatever.

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Make ME ride with our crap in the truck...

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...while YOU ride up front with the driver.

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Are you kidding? No sweat, Mom. I totally wasn't in any sort of danger of being crushed whatsoever. Nope, it was all sunshine and daisies, all the time forever.

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I'm sorry, did you say Onrac? Because this place is a hole.

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Seriously. No Pokemon Center, no Mart, just two houses and a ridiculously out of place Laboratory. Shit, I'd be placated somewhat if there were an arcade or something... a Mom'n'Pop restaurant, or a bed-and-breakfast... or a Sonic...

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Sure, if you don't mind wading through monster-infested grass to get to the next town to buy groceries.

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My own room? I appreciate the gesture, but I don't think I'll be in it long. Pretty sure that weird dream I had was some kind of premonition. Some jackass is gonna get in trouble, and I'm gonna have to go save him. And then I'll get sent on some vague, impossible errand, where I'll have to travel the world, meet very stupid people doing very stupid things, and I'll have to be the one to knock some sense into their very empty heads.

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Sure, whatever, you're living here, not me.

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Mom, I'm so disgusted. That's called SLAVE LABOR. Pretty sure there're laws against that, too.

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Okay, fine. I'll humor you. Just this once.

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Huh. Pretty nice... Where's my stereo? And my DVD Player? My dresser's missing too... oh well, I wear the same damn clothes every day anyway, not like I'll need a dresser. Oh look, no closet either. Not a big deal, I'm not living here anyway.

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Least my PC survived the move... let's see what we have here...

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Swellow? Seriously?

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I'm so witty.

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Let's see if any of my stuff's still in here.

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What the? None of my stuff's in here... just a Potion. That I didn't put in here... spooky. Guess I'll take it with me. You never know when something like that'll come in handy.

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And there's honestly nothing else I need to do on here, so we'll just shut it down...

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...and plan my escape route. Because I hate this town.

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Looks like the only way out of here is through Oldale Town. Gotta start somewhere.

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May as well start the clock. To humor Mom. Okay, it's because I have a massive case of OCD.

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Oh, hey Mom. Uh, it's great. Yup. Totally awesome.

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But there's nothing in here- Oh nevermind.

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I'm glad you're enjoying all that SLAVE LABOR, you horrible horrible person.

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Whaddaya mean, everything on the desk?

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Huh. Didn't see that notebook there before...

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Open the what with what?

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Do the what with what now?

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What the hell is this? Some kind of lame instruction manual? Whoever wrote it really sucks.

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Well, that's it, I'm outta here.

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Eww, Mom, you're having one of your daydreams again.

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Oh.

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Speaking of Dad, where the hell is he? And why does he get to be on TV?

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Wow, look at all that not caring I'm doing.

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So... he's a tree?

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OH BOY! I GET TO LEAVE THE HOUSE!

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FINALLY! I CAN LEAVE THIS HOLE FOREVER- I should go visit that Professor guy. Y'know, just so Mom doesn't get all pissed when she talks to him and finds out I never met the guy.

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Okay, this must be his house.

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In hindsight, waltzing into someone's house unannounced like this should have repercussions. As opposed to, y'know, walking in and having nobody acknowledge your presence.

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Yup, that's me. Hi yourself.

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That's nice, lady- did you say "daughter"?

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Lady, most guys and girls don't just stay friends. Especially not after puberty hits.

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Oh, hey, thanks for telling me where your daughter is! And not accompanying me to her room!

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Jeez, that Professor guy must've rubbed off on her or something. Massive irresponsibility must be contagious around here.

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Huh. There's a Poke Ball on the floor here. Wonder if I should just take it. I mean, it's obviously just sitting here, all by its lonesome, that chick isn't around...

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Dammit. I mean hello.

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Yup. You're hot.

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Glad to meet you too. Let's make out.

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That's real fuckin' neato. I have this dream of sweeping you off your feet. Like, right now.

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Whatever he told you, I'm seriously not a philandering manwhore.

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Oh yeah, I'm totally nice! We can totally be friends! Where I come from, friends let their friends make out with them!

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Methinks the lass be quite taken with me.

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Forgot? Forgot what? Please tell me you don't have a massive hulking boyfriend that will pound my skinny ass into the dirt.

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Oh, is that all? Whew, thought I was in big trouble there for a sec.

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Does that mean we have a date?

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And she left it here. Why didn't she pick it up?

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And what's on her PC that's so important?

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Uh, hey, May? Are you IMing some other dude? Because that's totally not cool with me. Hello? Earth to May?

Huh. Guess we'll "talk" more later.

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Whelp, Professor dude isn't at home... might as well check his lab.

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This is the place.

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Just as I thought. Ridiculously out of place given the immediately surrounding town.

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Well, if I were a Professor, I'd stand right about here, doing absolutely nothing at all until some prepubescent child walked up to me to ask me for their own cockfighting critter or to rate their newfangled electronic thingamajigger.

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He doesn't seem to be anywhere... let's ask this bespectacled man.

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Yes. That is who I am asking about.

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Oh I see.

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That's really not necessary. I have a pretty good idea of what you're about to explain, and I don't really care to begin with.

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And you're going to explain it anyway. How... how wonderful for me.

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So he thinks this town is a hole too, eh? I don't blame him.

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Well, that was a massive waste of time. I tried, Mom, I really did. But he isn't anywhere around here, so I'm gonna disappear. For good. Thanks for the years of irresponsibility.

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Well if they're so scary, why are you all the way over here, and not at home? Scram, little girl.

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Sure, why not, it's not like I'm actually going to come back and tell you about it.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by ECKS

Pretty sure that weird dream I had was some kind of premonition. Some jackass is gonna get in trouble, and I'm gonna have to go save him.

God dammit, I hate it when I'm right.

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Well, on the one hand, I get to try this battling thing everyone's been talking about... on the other hand, if I don't help him, I'll be ostracized forever for letting this dude get mauled by a fucking Zigzagoon...

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Whelp, gonna help him.

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Hmm. They all look sorta cool... which one do I pick?

--

And there you have it. By the way, I'm going with a sort of Charlie Harper (Two and a Half Men) vibe with Ecks here. Having him hit on (almost) everything with two x-chromosomes combined with some of the incredibly hilarious out-of-context-dialogue some of the female npcs give out should amount to massive lulz. Think of Ecks as a Black Mage Lite. Without all the psychoses and sociopathic tendencies. And without the stabbing. Also, I'm doing it to differentiate him from Really Angry Man Asshat and Pokemon Channel Guy Gofur. I do not act this way toward women myself, nor do I encourage acting this way toward women AT ALL, lest Mash bring forth the mighty banhammer and you're never heard from again.

Yeah, I frequent /v/. Mostly because the Pokemon General threads are great for trades, battles, and somewhat interesting conversation. The furries tend to ruin most threads though... and that's all I'm going to say on the subject.

That's that, NPF. Hope you enjoyed it, and I look forward to hearing back from you, because I'd like to get to work on the next chapter ASAP.

P.S. Great Cartoonist, if you happen upon this, would you kindly point me to where you discovered those lovely sprites that you use for inter-Pokemon dialogue in YOUR LP? I'd like to borrow the idea, if I may. Thanks.