I would donate one million to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster so the church could fulfill its dream of building a pirate ship as a mobile missionary base.

In case that doesn't count as a charity, I would donate 2 million to breast cancer research because my wife would kill me if I don't and another 2 million to buying U Hauls for people who live in countries where no food exists.

I would use the remaining 3 mil to buy myself a bitchin pirate costume and pimping out the pirate ship with cannons, booze, and pinball machines.

I was actually being Serious in a humours way! Seriously, I would buy mercs and try to conquer a country. Iceland seems like a good bet, to poor for their military, isolated so no one will really care what happens to em, then after taking them, I can spark a new glorious age of Vikings!

With Björk singing battle-songs they'd be invincible!
 

Even Sweden's vikings bowed to the vikings of Iceland. You're going to out-viking the world's leading vikings? It'd probably be better if you managed to take over Iceland without violence, then you'd not only not be dead but you'd already have vikings for the new viking age. And they'd be Icelandic vikings.

Vikings, you say?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7laxgrAb-k

It's true, Norway wasn't as Viking famous as most think, my clan descended from farmers.

Never EVER will I give money to charity.
Maybe I'll go to some place in need and see that the 10 percent (Maybe even 11, if i's necessary) are put to good use, by spending it for them myself, if that counts.
That's way better than giving it to some random (who'd probably buy hookers) or even worse a faceless organization which sends me a letter with soooo tear-jerking pictures, a TV-spot with some random out of context bible quote about sharing or a Christmas card hand-crafted by poor little Baako or something. I don't even care about Christmas.

After that I'd be like a dog who finally caught a car. I would think about burning it, but that would be a waste.
Maybe I'd build myself a house or something. For a fraction of the money. Maybe some food. It would take some time to think about what to do with this shitload of monies. I'm not used to having money at all. It would be weird.

Choices.
 

Response to insane's "Charity"

Quote:

Originally Posted by InsaneGenius (Post 1042233) Never EVER will I give money to charity.

If we're going by literal word instead of spirit, as seems to be the case, then I'd say that's not a choice.

That said, charities aren't the corrupt money-suckers people often make them up to be. The primary reason charities ultimate resort to such tactics? They work and simple conversation doesn't. I should know. I've been involved with Christ to the Nations (and the Bless the Children progam it runs) for the last two decades. I've seen what does and doesn't work. Bless the Children doesn't really do the whole infomercial, "aren't they so sad, it's pathetic" deal. But all too often, people just ignore the situation entirely. You attempt to speak with a person reasonably and the typical (but by no means constant) response is "I should handle it myself, not let an organization take my money" (news update: they never take care of it themselves!) or "well, that sounds important, but they don't seem as needy as these other kids". You point out how sad and malnourished and hungry a child is? Suddenly you get a lot more people to donate. It's silly, but it happens - guilt sells.

Also, I understand the potential to mishandle the money. But, as I said, I've lived with CTTN and BTC, and I've seen my father repeatedly pay for the income that isn't cared for by others. I mean, we make no money off of it (he's a full-time pastor, sells stuff on ebay - independant of his ministry -, and is a stock-market investor to make ends meet), and when we don't have enough sponsers to handle all the kids in BTC, he pays the rest himself. The money we do get - 100% of it - goes directly into feeding and caring for the kids specified by the sponser. The local churches (those in the area) are the ones who pay and/or support the BTC workers - the workers don't keep any of the money sent over seas themselves (and have to give careful accountings of it). Many other organizations are just as valid in financial departments. The problem is that people don't trust them because they're "faceless" or "impersonal" - they "don't know if the money is really going towards its intended goal". It's a terrible (if somewhat understandable) attitude.

Let's briefly imagine that attitude if applied to other businesses:
~ "Hey, I won't go to that hospital, because I can't see the head of the Red Cross - it's a faceless organization"
~ "I'll never buy from books from Barnes&Noble/Borders/Books-A-Million/Walden Books/whatever, because I don't know how much they pay for their books - it's too impersonal"
~ "Why would I ever buy new/used car? I don't know what percentage those factory workers' unions/used car sellsman are getting from this!"
I get the difference - and problem: with charities you don't see the end product. You rarely view what you've purchased. That's the reason for the "Christmas cards" or whatever hand-written by the person you're supporting: it gives you a sense of "ok, I see this is a real person I'm helping" instead of just placing your money in the void. Really, doing most anything yourself - without a non-profit organization - is a huge waste of money anyway, as you don't automatically have the infrastructure, communication, contacts, or other necessary resources and elements to make things run smoothly.

I would probably also get myself a top-of-the-line computer or two, perhaps set up some super-fast internet connections. Maybe refit the house with myriads of expensive-to-set-up, cheap/easy-to-maintain alternate energy sources to save even more on our bills. Perhaps also buy a place in the Bahamas and set it up the same way!

Krogo: I think Iceland would have people take notice of it getting conquered. You might have a better time conquering Greenland, and you'd (sort of*) get a better deal (area/population)!

*Hey, technically it's pretty big. I don't care that most of it's underwater ice!

This. And/or the Iron Man system.

I'll throw 20% toward the "Introduce Modern Children to '80s Classic Video Games" Fund, that I will start once said 8mil becomes available.

AND THROW A SIZABLE CHUNK TOWARD CABLE/INTERNET PROVIDERS TO FUCKING PUT CABLE IN RURAL AREAS. BECAUSE FUCK THOSE ASSHOLES AND THEIR NO-COVERAGE FOR THE BOONIES POLICY.

1. Establish a charity entitled 'Grthwllms never has to work another day in his life fund'

2. Purchase fancy dart board.

3. Use the fancy dart board to pick out five charities.

4. 50% of the money goes to those charities.

5. The other 50% goes to my charity.

simplistic response
 

So, what, I have to waste all that money on food and drinks and services by ten years?

You can sell almost anything you'd buy.

May as well shove a lot of that off to charities. Tax write-offs may be nice.

Or gamble it to make more and keep that. Or bank it and spend it all right before the ten years are up, keeping the interest.