Mistaaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaake
 

Let us share stories about our goofiest mistakes and with the most disproportionately unintentional consequences.

Once upon a time rang a fire alarm in an empty office building I was cleaning, in a freak accident. As the fire department showed up with all the bells and whistles, I was completely calm. It's a certain kind of calm, on the peak of a hundred foot wave of adrenaline, that I believe can affect just about anyone in moments of absolute life or death danger.

So I was able to explain to the fire master in simple and clear terms that it was a mistake, I had been nearly asleep while waiting for some rags to be laundred and somehow poked the alarm without meaning to. The master drilled me a while about the cost of false alarms and so on and asked if I had any idea what should be done next. I, still perfectly calm as I watched my next three months' entertainment money fly away, said "Send me the bill I guess."

I think that line was a mistake, but mostly it was just me being so in control and not at all freaking out. My boss received a report where I had callously triggered the alarm for fun because I was bored and probably a deranged psycho. Then I was fired. Though it turned out I didn't have to pay the bill, probably because the bossman was worried about upsetting me.

I was doing my second ever job interview and it came to a question about what I looked for in a manager. My first job had been a mom and pop place. This was Pick 'n Save. Before I could stop myself, I was babbling a long description of essentially how a mom and pop place was run, stuff like having a personal relationship with all the workers and knowing what's going on in all their lives, leading from the front, helping with the grunt work, etc. As soon as I started, I realized I was making a mistake, because corporate places are NOT mom and pop places, especially when they're on the Wal-Mart model. Apparently, the manager agreed with me. I was hired.

There was a possum in my room last night. It was just THERE, eating a taco I had left over from dinner.

I tried to shoo it away with a broom. I jumped at my face.

I cried out like a little girl. It was embarrasing.

No seriously, I am a BIG guy. I'm six-one and weigh 300 lbs. I have a large frame. I am the difinition of big boned, and I hit Soprano.

One time, when I was in seventh or eighth grade, I thought it was a good idea to shut a glass door by gently pushing with my palm. It broke and cut my wrist. The artery to be a bit more accurate.
It was across the road, not down the highway, so I wasn't even worried. I still haven't seen so much blood my entire life. I thought it was kinda cool, my brother was there too. My mother came home and saw the blood. I just told her to not freak out and she was okay.
After that I had some pizza, I remember.

I'd say you didn't cut an artery. If you cut an honest-to-God artery more than incredibly superficially, no matter how you cut it, you're almost certainly going to die without medical care.

You'll also have blood literally squirting out of the wound in time with your heart.

So, yeah.

I have a similar story though. I was a kid, and after a bit of yardwork, leaned against this old glass door we had. It broke, cutting up my arm pretty bad. Fortunately, the cuts weren't that deep, there wasn't any glass in them, and it didn't hurt at all, so I coped with it pretty well.

I'll top both of you: I jump kicked a glass door to open it, missed the frame and put my leg through it. Then I made it about five minutes down the road before a buddy noticed a giant hole in my pants, and on closer investigation a river of blood down my leg.

I was like 20 at the time too.

Blues, it's not a mistake if you get a job out of it.

Can we all be Stupid With Glass Buddies? In my case it was a window but I feel that oughta count.

It was. But it was more or less just scratched a bit. There still was quite some blood.
I made it without seeing a doctor. I guess I just flipped death the finger.

I have a picture of another glass related injury somewhere. But I can't seem to find it right now. I'll let you know if I find it.

I suppose not, but it certainly felt like it at the time and I won't be pulling that stunt again without taking the situation into careful consideration.