Calvinball XVSCIIWHS the revival of the callvinball
 

in the last thread I made the calvin ball a chess peice, but had been lost in chess sets, so now you are all employed by different companies. you all are trying to get the chess peice and reform it back to the golden age of calvin ball

So...in other words, this is Calvinball 13.

I was just wondering if I could start the next thread when this ends. :D

and now for something unrelated.....
HoP family tree


you have to have the calvin ball to do that

Bob returns triumphantly from his trips to Disney World and Minnesota. He now has a noticeably Donald Duckish Mid-Western accent. Plus, he likes to drink beer and is a Lutheran and makes it his life goal to smite anyone who dissents from his religion.

He sees the Calvinball. "Oh boy." He picks up the Calvinball, converts it to Christianity, and has it accepted into WELS (Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod).

KILLJOY ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Its not that eazy, so just put the suveiner(sp) down

OOC: Okay, this is actually Calvinball 14. And yes it is. :D

your not even looking for a calvin ball

still in his ultra-powerful form from the last game somehow, DB is out training in 100g gravity when he is asked by an unidentified employer to go rescue the "calvinball".....only now its a chess piece.......DB immediately goes to HoP's house and beats him senseless with a +10 Mace of Twacking for disrupting the laws of Calvinball.......then he goes off to seek the Holy Calvinball/chesspiece............DB summons his army of Drow minions and the leaders of his spy network, then orders them to seek it out, even though it is a chesspiece......

but only mr. fif was there and we all know what he does fif

ooc it only changed form

DB casts "Detect Magic"...........since there aren't many powerful artifacts on Earth, he immediately gets a strong power reading from the West.....so he flies off in that direction, after he ends his transformation to SUPER SAIYA5 Dragonsbane.......

since I am a decentant of the person how made it a peice I know where it is. then I become a chibi and flick myself to the board

Lycanthrop apears amongs the central planning headquarters of Werewolf Industries "Your mission is one of sabatage" the faceless man in the chair says, stroking a white wolf. "You see, as we all know, the calvinball is a force of unnatural evil upon this world, and you have undertaken the task of destroying it, a purpose for which your results have been... dissapointing. Although you seem terminally unable to destroy the calvinball, we have been presented the opportunity to prevent its evil from once again spreading. Make sure no one finds it, make sure it is not restored to its current form. Go!"

Lycanthrope goes.

An important looking man sits in a chair behind a desk, Jarlax stands in front of him. "You have been recognized as a Nationaly Certified State Alchemist. Thus you are now a "dog of the military". I have heard reports about the Calvinball being in mortal danger. As you've had dealings with it before, i'm sending you to restore and retrieve it." Jarlax shows no expression, he'd been expecting this assignment. "Yes sir" Jarlax smartly salutes, and then leaves after the Calvinball-chesspiece.

DB casually wonders about the identity of the attractive woman who asked him to retrieve the Calvinball...........then suddenly, he hears the sound of an annoying chibi. "HoP again......." Evil DB takes this opportunity to remember a certain promise Good DB made him, and insists that someone owes him a beer...DB stops for a beer, then continues flying toward the chessboard where the Calvinball awaits. "c'mon.....DB needs a new pair of staff-chucks!" he grins as he lands gracefully on the chessboard, his red robes/armor swirling around him as he lands. Evil DB suddenly seizing control as he picks up ChibiHoP by his overlarge head and drop-kicks him off the board. "take THAT, midget!"

ooc: This is either the deepest storyline I've ever heard for a Calvinball, or shallowest.

ooc: yes.......HoP picks some very weird themes for Calvinball........


DB looks around the huge chessboard, amazed at the size of the pieces there........quickly casting "Detect Magic" he gets an immense power reading from a nearby pawn.

ooc: I'm a little annoyed with the anti-calvinballers, thats why I did it and by the 4th page it won't matter anymore.

FIFFFFFFFFFF is the the shreak that killed 1000 bobs and jarlaxes sooooo....FIF

Bob's hair is blown back by the enormous FIF and he is momentarily dazed by the odd attack. He calls forth his army of donkeys and slightly-above-average-fur-bearing-salmon-trout and they swarm over the mountains like smoke, but the smoke was Bob's doomsday-rific army.

shall I show you the power of fif???

A glowing portal appears on the chessboard, and Jarlax steps through. Alchemy Necklace glowing in power, Jarlax points at the afore mentioned pawn. It immediatly becomes the Calvinball once more. "Whew! That took a lot of power to fix that... Now i just need to take it." Jarlax now notices the other players standing around quite near the Calvinball. "Shit" Jarlax mutters as everyone rushes for the ball.

"Thanks Jarlax....you saved me the trouble of casting the spell myself" DB chuckles as he grabs the Calvinball, using its immense power to blast HoP, and to permanently disable his FiF attack......"Now let's finish this! We were paid to restore the Calvinball to its original form, not to retrieve it........so we're all gonna get paid if we make sure this won't happen again!"

Jarlax smiles and hits HoP with a bolt of lightning. "Sounds good to me"

DB raises one hand in the air, the other holding the Calvinball as he begins an incantation......the sky turns red and lightning flashes, striking HoP every time someone says Macbeth "THIS trick I learned from SAAM! macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth!!!!"

"ARGGGG" then he says "silly rabbit calvin ball is for kids and with that HoP takes the calvin ball back five minutes thus there would be 2 calvin balls then he does it again and agian till every one has a calvin ball.

DB, still holding the Calvinball, summons a horde of minions...all of them start chanting "Macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth macbeth...." zapping HoP again and again.

Lycanthrope presses a button on a control pannel. The Calvinball piece is instantly sent dirrectly to a chess piece factory, all of which have been enchanted to make them seem exactly like the calvinpiece. "Hahaha! Beat that!"

"Lycanthrope, help us destroy HoP once and for all, this may be our chance to keep him from meddling with the Calvinball forever!" DB continues launching bolts of energy at HoP, "that was a good idea, putting it out of his reach to keep him from stealing it!"

ah they're only flesh wounds

Still flying on his way over to the new Calvinball thread, Thunder Dragoon quietly relaxes as he drifts through space. His eyes closed, reflect the moment of tranquility and he whistles a familiar tune. His helm, over his eyes, indicate that he's gonna catch a few z's. The stars glisten in the endless realm. Thunder Dragoon strategizes his next move. He turns around, still travelling several light-years at a time and bursts forward with new speed. He is ever determined to be the next Calvinball winner. (Stupid HoP)

burned, smoking, electrified flesh wounds coating HoP's entire body in 3rd degree burns......."Minions, hold off chanting for a sec....." DB pulls his +10 Mace of Thwacking out from under his cloak, then begins beating HoP with it. "You always gotta tenderize a steak THIS well done!" DB grins, laughing as he continues to reduce HoP's bones to powder with the mighty weapon.
"remember, since we've been paid to turn the Calvinball back to normal, not to retrieve it, we can ALL win this!"

A planet in chaos comes into view. TD looks up and sees that endless fighting over a sacred item is taking place on the planet. "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the planet of Calvinball. We hope you enjoy your stay and hope that you choose TD flights again. Thank you." TD plummets to the planet in faster than any meteor.

DB wonders where TD is.......then sees something falling from the sky. "Ah, there he is!" DB picks up HoP's body and tosses it under the falling TD....."the new HoP line of landing pads, brought to you by Dragonsbane Industries! All the insane-Chibi-squashing you could EVER ask for!!!" DB laughs, then patiently waits for TD to land, flirting with some of the more attractive females in his horde of minions while he waits.

As HoP is reduced to nothingness due to the huge impact, Td gets up and notices someone missing. "Where did that annoying chess dude go?" he asks. The others shrug. TD shrugs as well and goes off to find the Calvinball for his own.

"Well, now that HoP has been dealt with... " Jarlax goes to the factory where everything in it seems to be the Calvinball. "Since the Calvinball is indestructable, i guess i'll just take out the whole building." Jaralx reasons. With a burst of power the building is reduced to rubble. Jarlax begins sifting through it to locate the Calvinball.

"Hey what did you know the blast sent me underground and I poped of here. And look, it's the calvinball."And grabs the calvinball. then he transported back to acient rome.

DB smirks, amused by the tactic......."Decoy Calvinball......works every damn time!" DB pulls the real Calvinball out from under his billowing cloak..."now, lets settle this!" He raises the calvinball into the air and uses its power to summon the others......except HoP, who he no longer trusts. "Now, lets all go get our money! But first......who wants pizza!?" DB grins, ready to celebrate after a successful mission.

"Pizza sounds good to me." Jarlax hasn't eaten in a few hours so he is hungry now. "But where we ordering it from?"

"ha I fooled you all I really went back to get the HOLY HAND GERNADE" HoP comes back to the present and pulls the holy pin and counts " 1...2...5 NO 3" and throws it at you alll. with that you are blown to bits. hhahahahahahahahahah

unfortunately, only a rabbit was killed.

TD bows his head in prayer, immediately following up by throwing firebalss at HoP. Crispy once again, HoP blinks and falls over.TD rushes to DB and bashes him int the gut and swipes the Calvinball. "MINE!" TD says like an animal.

HoP then gets the ball for him self and runs into a castle where he acts french and taunts you all

TD then pulls out this card from his pocket, pays the mana costs and taps it.
http://ca.msnusers.com/8n92tkh4vfsb8...l%20Winner.jpg
He laughs as he wields the Calvinball and races off.

Lycanthrope casts Instant Summons on the calvin ball, places it in a bag of holding, then puts the bag of holding into a portible hole.

TD then thows cards left,right and center at Lycanthrope and gets huge paper cuts and bleeds to near-death. Td dives into the portal, after the bag of holding.

DB dives in after him, smashing him repeatedly over the head with a big, spiked, +10 Mace of Thwacking. "hmph, no team spirit eh, TD? A shame...."
DB sees the Calvinball and grabs it, then uses his magic to open a portal back to where Lycanthrope and Jarlax are....the portal vanishes as soon as he goes through it. Followed by the destruction of the demiplane created by the portable hole. Back in "reality", DB shakes his head and sighs sadly "a real shame, wasting magic items like that.........hmmm, I recommend Papa Jon's pizza, any other suggestions?"

TD all alone, rips a portal to the underworld where he meets back up with a demon friend of his. He offers the demon a shiny coin in exchange for the ripping apart of all the other Calvinball players souls. The demon agrees. Everyone one the field hear's a high pitch noise and falls to the ground, clutching (sp?) their chests and heads. TD comes back and claims the Calvinball and decides, for the hell of it, to fly into space.

The demon suddenly finds himself facing a very angry Dragonsbane......"taking my soul from my body was NOT a good idea, fiend-boy!" DB quickly breaks the demon's neck while still in the Abyss, killing it permanently, then restores the souls of the Calvinball Players to their rightful bodies. He then casts an "Instant Summons" spell, retrieving the Calvinball from the purloining TD. "Silly Dragoon, Calvinballs are for mages!"

TD then pulls out his stat sheet and pencils on Thunder Dragoon Mage and snatches the Calvinball back from DB. TDM then casts a protect spell and reflect spell which will counter the rest of DB's Instant Summons and Sorcery.

Lycanthrope casts antimagic field, walks up, to TD and grabs th ball. "Yoink!" then runs away,

DB rolls around on the ground laughing his ass off as TD falls with a SPLAT!!! into a conveniently-located patch of mud. DB then takes TD's stat sheet, erases the penciled-in 'mage', and writes 'Onion Kid' in its place......he then resummons the Calvinball, "Jarlax, Lycanthrope.......a shared victory?"

TD, actually in space still, deflects the anti-magic with his sword. He fires fireballs at DB and shakes his head. "Pity, really..."

Jeth pops out of nowhere, and steals the calvinball! He then casts "Summon Corvette" and hops into his newly aquired vehicle with the calvinball in hand.

DB turns Jeth into a newt, then steals his corvette and the Calvinball. Using his Staff of the Magi, he absorbs the Fireballs and launches them back at TD, interspersed with a few Meteor Swarms for flavor. He grins wickedly "that's it, TD, keep firing......MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" Suddenly, the change to the character sheet kicks in, and TD falls to the ground, a helpless Onion Kid...."do not trifle with REAL wizards......or get owned!" DB laughs, stopping to pick up Jarlax and Lycanthrope as he drives off into the city.

"how the hell do you deflect antimagic?"

Jeth used his super speedy shoes he had just bought off of Flash Gordon on eBay to catch up with the vehicle. He jumped into the back and when the driver was least expecting it, threw a tomatoe at the head of DB which made him swerve and hit a tree. Knocked out, DB was easy to take the Calvinball from, and Jeth left, triumphant!

DB had already cast "Haste" on the car, and it was moving much faster than Jeth could, even with his super-speedy shoes. DB shoots him in the forehead with a Drow handcrossbow, and the sleep poison coating the bolt leaves Jeth snoring while DB drives off into the distance.

While Jeth is busy lying on the ground snoring, his good ol' pal Flash Gordon comes up and feeds him a Super Speedy Sleep Poison Un-doer pill and a Super Speedy Speedster Make Your Super Speedy Boots Go Faster pill and Jeth pops into action. He summons a portal and hops in, and finds himself in the girls' locker room! Yes! But then he looks out the window and sees DB drive by. "This always happens! Damnit!" and Jeth jumped through the window and chased the car yet again and when he gets close enough, pulls out his slingshot and dings DB in the back of the head with an iced pea.

the iced pea bounces off DB's hood, and he makes a mental note to turn Flash Gordon into something unpleasant......at that moment, a horde of outraged schoolgirls, who entered the locker room just as Jeth was climbing out the window......shriek with outrage, run him down, and beat him to a bloody paste with their sledgehammers (after all, EVERYONE knows that women can summon hammers like that when offended by male behaviors!). Then, they see DB and run after him....shrieking "OMG....IT'S DB!!!!!! GET HIM!!!!!" DB suddenly remembers the effect his high Charisma score has on women, and mutters "oh crap..." under his breath. He puts his foot down on the petal, holding it there as he zooms off toward the headquarters of the corporation that hired him.

But yet, as DB is speeding away, the ugly chick steals Flash Gordon's shoes, and chases after DB. Catching up to DB, the look of her face scares DB to death and he crashes into yet another tree! DIE THIS TIME! Jeth slops up and takes the Calvinball while DB is getting smooched by the horrid one.

DB wonders at the look of horror on Jeth's smashed face, then realizes the blood dripping into his hammer-crushed eyes must be distorting his view of the incredibly hot girl currently smooching him (picture your average ultra-hot anime chick....that's what she looks like;)), either that or the repeated hammerstrokes to the skull have scrambled Jeth's brain.....as Jeth pathetically reaches out for the Calvinball, DB drops it into a bag of holding, then goes back to kissing the girl in his arms.

OOC: HA!

TD, shakes his head at the amount of junk happening. He just sits back and waits unitl one person is singled otu, and then... he strikes!

OOC: Batstard.

Jeth pulls out his bag of holding, and finds his TURN YOURSELF BACK INTO NORMAL FORM IF YOU ARE A PIECE OF **** (SLOP!) pill! He eats it, and takes DB's bag of holding, pulls out the Calvinball and tosses the bag back at DB, while taking the "hot looking" spell off of the ugly chick that is REALLY smooching DB. Jeth makes multiple portals non-stop continuously for ever and ever and jumps through them therefore making him uncatchable.

THE END.

"The End???????????, the end of what, the thread, the life, a random bystander"
HoP ponders these things while more important things happen.

DB grins "There is no way to deflect antimagic, by the way......I'm sorry I put your spell on hold, Lycanthrope, but it was more prudent to save it until the right moment." DB hands Lycanthrope a flat, gray control pad with a big, red button on it. "use it whenever you think is best, it will activate your spell on TD.....be very careful about when you use i-MMMmm!!" DB's sentence is broken off as the girl in his lap starts kissing him again, making it difficult to drive, so he hands the wheel over to Lycanthrope and sits in the back of the car with the girl in his lap........his bag of holding still on his belt, and the chick in his lap genuinely (and authentically!) hot. He feels rather sorry for Jeth, lying in the road several miles back, mumbling incoherantly about hopping through portals.......

OOC: Batstard? I've never been called that before........but I AM a dirty rotten Bastard!:D

And then DB remembers that he had hit a tree and was not moving anymore and that the girl that was in his lap was a DOG so he threw her away and started running for the hills!

then HoP ponders up to the calvinball and says "I must use this for more pondering"
and right when anyone objects HoP says "it is for science" then you all leave me alone as I ponder some more.

DB wonders what else Jeth is having hallucinations about, especially with buzzards pecking away at him, and what delusions HoP is suffering from, lying crushed somewhere in Ancient Rome, and thus DB continues driving across the flat, treeless plains.......these musings are dispelled as the hot girl in his lap begins tickling him........After he reaches the corporation, he, Jarlax, and Lycanthrope all become incredibly wealthy, and are given shiny medals for having saved the world and restored the Calvinball to its true form.......the girl who sat in his lap during the ride to the corporation asks DB out, so he now has a girlfriend, and everyone lives happily ever after (until the next Calvinball episode)...

The End!!!!

GJ at ruining the fun... >.>

it was a good stopping point:p

Slightly Above Average Man walks onto the field. and looks through the preceeding posts and the thread before it...

"WORST. CALVINBALLS. EVER!!!!"

OOC: Hey, i got incredibly wealthy while not being on-line. SWEET!

My cool stats went up 3 points while not being too much invovled in this...weirdness...so who's gonna start up the next one? i will if need be, or Jarlax or SAAM can, so it can be moderately sane.