Bulletstorm: or How I stopped caring and learned to love the (F) bomb
 

There is games out there that are compelling masterstrokes of realism. That weave a plot about a man's struggles with war and strive to be the heroes everyone knows they can be...

This is not one of those games.
This is UT3 meets Painkiller with a dose of L4D and those crazy Tony Hawk games of the past. Every Five seconds without a death in this game means you're playing it WRONG. But dont speed though as you have to be creative earn skill points in the game. The battlefield is your canvas, your gun is the Freudian excuse for a brush, and your enemies are your Paint. Shoot a guy in the head? boring. Shoot a few guys into gibs with a minigun? Meh better. Shoot the skin off of the guy and the buddy behind him while kicking another buddy out of a airlock? OH YEAH BABY!
Every weapon in the game has a potential for cuelity that is unmatched. From the Humble bullet spitting skin ripping assult rifle to the Explosve bouncing cannonball launcher to Waggleton P. Tallylicker. Nothing is mundane nothing is underpowered!

So which one of you retards have played this game!

Probably going to get it.

Hey Dicktits!! I was about to join the multiplayer game you were in before but they you went offline! Uncool dude! I had to join a bunch of idiots who can't help but leash people all the damn time and can't figure out where the hell a cactus is supposed to be went the game tells them to impale somebody on a cactus. And then they had the nerve to tell ME to leave the game!

But yeah so far this game has been pretty awesome. Waggleton P. Tallylicker was an unexpected piece of excellence. Not sure I like the bouncer yet, took me ages to realise I had to hold fire to actually make it bounce. The 4 barrelled shotgun makes up for it though. Nothing quite beats sliding into a guy and unleashing 4 barrles of shotgun death into his chest at high speed (fire before you slide right into him for extra Cool Points).

I have 1 complaint though. Well no, 2; the game does glitch occasionaly. Sound has dropped out during cutscenes involving lots of gunplay (which is all of them really), and on a couple of occasions I have found myself holding 2 of the same gun, only one of them has no ammo. Re-equiping weapons then leaves me with 1 gun with no ammo and no charge shots, so I have to buy them all again.

But other than that, pure awesomeness. Oh and having a sniper with controllable explosive rounds is also Epic! My greatest feat so far; energy leashing a guy 20 feet into the air, then sniping him and directing the bullet (in flight!) into his nuts.

And now Faux News is going "DERPDERP BULLETSTORM IS BAD FOR KIDS!

...Duh. It's NOT ment for kids at all!

So, if we have a minimum age for a person to be elected to office, can we have a maximum value too? Same for newscasters; unless you give us a good reason otherwise, at a certain point we truck you out behind the shed and give you an Ol' Yeller sendoff. Probably more humane than letting these senile old farts embarrass themselves like this over and over.

SERIOUSLY.
 

THAT IS NOT WITTY. YOU PRONOUNCE "FAUX" "FOE".

What are you talking about Shy?

I found it pretty boring, gave up on Act 2. I did complete a few levels without firing a shot, but I...

I guess I found the characters really annoying.

Erm, I think I found where you're going wrong. Seriously why would you do that? The game gives you cannonball guns, guns that wrap enemies in explosive chains and miniguns every 20 minutes, why would you NOT use guns?

Because I was having a lot of fun using the leash and kick to yo-yo enemies.

And I think I got a gatling gun once but aside from that, only had the default rifle up to Act 2 when I stopped.