Okay, I hate to break this to you, news media...
 

Recently there have been something like a hundred news segments on this subject, all acting as if this is news, something to be concerned about, flip out about, so I'll just come out and say it:

Everything has some fecal matter and bacteria on it, in microscopic amounts. Every time you flush the toilet some it goes into the air and spread all over the place, for example. Everything in your house has some fecal matter on it. The food you eat has some fecal matter on it. Everything. EVERYTHING.

The reason we can function is we don't think about this everyday.

But you insist on making news stories about this every day.

Quit making news stories about this, please.

Thank you for your time.

P.S. Please don't replace "there is fecal matter in your soda" stories with "there is semen in your burger" stories unless it is literally about some dude jacking off into the mayonnaise.

See, you're just as bad, if not worse, than the original news reports, because I haven't seen any of them.

You have irradiated material in you, resulting from atomic explosions. EVERYBODY PANIC

OH GOD I'VE BECOME WHAT I HATED!

RAMZA! WHAT DID YOU GET...?

My water's radioactive. True story.

Wait what


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


http://img18.imageshack.us/img18/3897/ghoulf.jpg

Oh fuck

dude you get to live forever and not suffer any serious depreciation in your attractiveness. Why wouldn't you want to be a ghoul?

the slow encroachment of insanity? Plus, living forever has got to suck

Well, I wouldn't want to be THAT ghoul. He's got a bullet casing flying into the air in front of him.

News media tells me that means you're about to be shot, or may already have been.

Yeah its almost as bad as my Environmental Literature class They constantly try to throw these "wake up things" at you but With only a little bit of research you can easily figure out that most of it is scare tactics. Like in class they were talking about cellphones and wi-fi. I was the only one in the class that knew that While cellphones can effect sperm count when Placed next to the genitalia (much like radios can) the chances of cancer while raised is about equal to that of going out into the sun. Wifi is a fatter frequency and it has the same chances of giving you cancer as a light bulb would.