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IMPORTANT INFORMATION EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW
So have you guys, like, heard about this? There's wasps and bears and snakes out there! (Oh my!) Why are we not carrying Snake Bite Poison Treatment Removal Kits (TM) everywhere all the time? And how do you placate a bear?! And wasps are totally going to destroy you!
Why didn't anyone tell me there was all this wild life in the wild!? I mean, I'm looking on the internet, and there's like hippos and emus and effing platypi! They're like, cute little poisonous duck things. Poisonous! Poisonous ducks! Is that what the world is coming to? Jeepers creepers. And then I went to the movie store and I was like, I need a good documentary, I need to beef up on the outside world: so I got this movie, "Birds." I think it's by Alfred Hitchcock or something. And ho-shit, there was this pretty blonde girl that got attacked by every bird everywhere! Like, all birds! Nevermore! And then there's warnings of mountain lions, and bears beefing up for winter, and deer are eating all the fruit on the trees! Why are animals so dangerous!? I'm never going outside again. Who knows what evil, hate filled bug I'm gonna find in my shoe, what evil hate filled spider is gonna crawl into my mouth while I'm asleep, or what evil hate filled wildebeast will charge me down while I wait for my bus? Those old posh British guys in safari gear had it right: we need to kill everything before they kill us. It's on, nature. |
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I don't know what is more shocking. The fact that
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This is what happens when Seil is in a drunken panic, it's like if he were to sober via brain damage.
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Clearly there is only one solution to the problem. We need to band together into a manly team of manly men (and women) and bare-handedly murder every one of those cute, furry, dangerous bastards!
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Where's Rex? Here boy! Here boy!
"IMPORTANT INFORMATION THAT EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW" or "EVERYTHING IS HATE FILLED AND POISONOUS AND WANTS YOUR HEAD ON A LION PLAQUE TO PUT OVER THEIR LION FIREPLACE WHILE THEY ENTERTAIN OTHER LIONS IN THEIR LION HOUSE AND HAVE YOU HEARD OF THESE ELEPHANTS DRINKING UP ALL OUR BOOZE HOLY CRAP!" wouldn't fit.
Memorize this, it'll save your life. Today, tomorrow, maybe next Thursday, you might need this. Also, remember to eat your kill so you can gain their power. BEAVER KILLS UNKNOWN, INJURES THREE, STORY AT ELEVEN! |
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Man you guys are wimps. There are at least seven animals and four plants capable of killing me in the boundaries of my house and yard right now and you don't see me complaining. Bloody wusses.
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For a second I thought you said four planets. I was impressed.
Now you're significantly less impressive. |
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