NPF Cooks: Holiday Edition
 

With Turkey Day nearly here (for those in the U.S) and Christmas following shortly (for those who aren't godless heathens), it's time to share your favorite holiday recipies. Food, drinks, snacks, biological superweapons, whatever. Post them here!

Here's one I came up with this weekend:

1.) Take one box of red velvet cake mix and prepare as normal, but add two teaspoons of peppermint extract to the batter before baking.

2.) Take a can of white frosting and stir in 1/4 teaspoon of peppermint extract. Frost cake.

3.) Pulverize candy canes in blender and sprinkle over frosting.

I think the next time I make it I'll try adding chocolate chips....

Christmas is for godless heathens too. We just treat it as a secular season of mass capitalism. Y'know, like everyone else does.

(That cake thing actually sounds awesome, by the way. I'm very tempted to try it despite it being above my level in cooking technique, ie it is not kraft dinner or barbeque.)

Christmas is totally for heathens.

You could go the SMBC route and bread turkey meat with Oreo crumbs?

If you can follow the instructions on a Kraft box, you can follow the instructions on a cake mix box. Believe me, it's worth it.

I would share with you my typical Tacogiving/Tacomas recipes, but the sauce in particular is a closely guarded secret that I regularly knife people over.

So instead: Random vegan dough bites. (Warning: Makes a lot, I generally cook for groups)
Start with the dough. Throw together 9 cups unbleached flourbits (chill first), all-purpose is ideal, 2 teaspoons of yeastible(it's considered a fungus!), 3 1/2 teaspoons of saltalicious, and stir like you mean it. Add in powdered oregano, sage, and garlic in amounts/ratios to personal taste. Stir more. Add 1/2 cup olive oil and 3 1/2 cups of water. (Leave the water and a metal spoon in the freezer for a while after you measure it out. You want it cold but not frozen/freezing, no chunks!) Use the spoon you just coldinated to get your mix on. Eventually you will have dough-ish.
Dust up yo hands in some of that same flourbits and start kneading while singing to yourself Just before someone threatens to hit you, stop. (Or when the dough is consistent. You know, either/or.)
Chop off small pieces and separate them somehow. (We don't need to know how you segregate your dough, you monster.) Dust them up with more flour and lube them up with some oil.

Leave them in the fridge.

Wait.

Wait.

(Next day)

Take the dough out and start chopping up veggies and whatsit. Do a traditional river dance in order to narrow down the specific time required to wait on the dough to be coolio with what you're about to do to it. (Hey, you'd want time to come to terms with this too.)

Now jam your finger right in the middle of the little dough bits and make an opening. Shove all kinds of goodies like sauce and veggies and (fake!) cheese in there. Aren't you glad you oiled those poor little guys up? Oh yeah. Mm. Really get it in there. Okay. Now twist the end closed and bake or something. For a while I guess. 350-400's cool. Are they brown? Cool. Done.

I am infinitely curious as to what a cooking show run by McTahr would be like. Would it be magical? Would it be terrifying?

I think it would be a little of column a, little of column b.

I have troubles with turkeys.
 

I think it would be a lot less column a and more column /b/.

I would share the peppermint bark recipe I've got floating around here, but that's obvious.

Spritz cookies come and go way too fast, I never remember to get the recipe for them.

I am planning on doing fudge again, though. With a variety of substances. I'll figure out the best one and possibly hint at it later on, giving vague clues as to how to find chocolate nirvana, short of 'be Shyria around Thad at the holidays.'

German Potato Salad (note: this is not healthy)

You will need:
1 1/2 pounds of potatoes
3 slices of bacon
1 medium onion (I usually cut this since I don't like onions, but for completeness' sake...)
1 tablespoon flour
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 tablespoon celery seed (I usually just use celery stalks)
pepper to taste
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup vinegar

Cut potatoes to desired size and boil for 20-25 minutes or until tender. It can help if you add salt to the water

While potatoes are boiling, prepare the rest of the ingredients because you may not have time to measure out while preparing the rest.

Once everything's prepared, begin cooking the bacon to taste (I prefer chewy bacon, but you can do crispy, whatevs). Once bacon's done, remove it and add the flour, sugar, salt, celery and pepper to the bacon grease (this should still be on the burner). Stir constantly until the flour turns the color of brown sugar (you're preparing a rue). Once the rue is done, add the water and vinegar and heat to boiling, stirring constantly. Boil and stir for one minute (or until desired thickness) and remove from heat. Hopefully the potatoes are done by now, and you pour the mixture over the potatoes, add your bacon from earlier, and stir well to coat the potatoes.

Serves approx. 5

Enjoy the tastegasm.