Ladies And Gentlefops, An Epiphanous Question About Literary Refreshment Hounds Me So
 

Hold drink in one hand, read book in other. Turn page with thumb.

Or horror of horrors, put down to the drink for a second to turn the page.

Hmm, tis a dilemma to be sure. How does one partake of ones routine beverage whilst continuing to maintain necessary eye contact with the stimuli of ones favoured novel? One could imagine perhaps leaning over backwards with the arm clutching said book outretched whilst with the other hand taking a sip of ones beverage, but such a practice would be absurd in a public space and would induce unsavoury aches of the limbs.

I do hear tell of a marvellous new invention that allows one to put books on a remarkably light device called a "Pad" which could concievably be held one handed without undo strain on ones arm, whilst leaving the other free and able to bring forth the required beverage, but again, undue leaning would be required to maintain consistent eye contact.

If only it were possible to invent some sort of image display that could be shone directly upon the retina, and which moved with ones person at all times, to allow for uninterrupted perusal of ones desired novellas. Alas, science has failed until now to yeild unto us such a magnificent device. Perhaps in time...

Ye gods woman, what manner of sycophant are you?! What if ones novel is simple too large to hold for long? This is exactly the kind of plebian discomforture we are trying to prevent.

And as for putting the drink down, can you not see our time is precious? We simply cannot afford to waste time with this kind of multi-limbed multi-tasking. If one is engrossed in ones novel, yet also deigns to replenish vital fluids, one demands that we should be able to easily and immediately do both, without delay. Worse yet, if the drink in question is out of ones grip, the potential for spillage is increased tenfold! Ruffians like yourself could at any moment stumble into our person or our table and then disaster! Of course one would never expect such a thing to happen, but why should one ever take the chance? Nay, our beverage must be gripped firmly at all times, to better remain under ones own direct control.

dumb

Mainline it

Coffee IV run to a vein in your arm. Problem solved.

What if one has a fear of needles?

What if one only accepts refined drinks that must actually be drunk in a very specific manner to experience the flavor? Your IV plan is primitive and peasant-like.

One must endeavour to conquer their fears, it is the will of the spirit that the flesh is not shocked by the pricks and stings of the necessity.

However, Ecks, sound your idea may be, you must think of the predicament of the cafe and its patrons, as well as the effect that straws have on the taste of such a confection.