A NEW ERA DAWNS
 

In the wake of shiney's fall from power, the only way to ensure that we do not fall into anarchy is to fill the void in leadership as quickly as possible. With that in mind, I humbly accept the role as undisputed ruler of all internet forums past, present, and future. For my will is eternal and my glory unfailing, your very existence stands as testament to my grand benevolence.

And in this new order I grant you, structure is also necessary.

COMMANDMENTS OF THY LORD AND SAVIOR, POS INDUSTRIES

• Our flock must expand. All subjects are hereby commanded to speak of the truth of the Nuklear Gospel to any heretical posters elsewhere on the internet, so as to convert them to the way of the light and grow our numbers.
• As a show of gratitude for all His good works, God King POS demands blood sacrifices of only the most worthy posters, in quantities determined based on an algorithm calculated to properly balance spiritual purity by gallons of available blood. Said algorithm is TBA.
• Assassination from the shadows can only be commanded by the will of Almighty POS. As such, ninjas are hereby declared blasphemous, and posting shall only allowed by those who possess the sacred conch to prevent accidental overlap. The conch will be mailed from poster to poster and privileges will not be granted until the conch is in someone's possession.
• Virgin sacrifices will be performed every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday in order to better empower Our Beloved POS to keep inclement weather at bay or something. All subjects of unquestionable chastity are encouraged to appeal to He Who Is All Industrial for defloration. No fatties.
• High fives of the up highest and down lowest natures are to be welcomed as sacred, but only His Blinding Majesty POS shall determine what is or is not too slow.
• Any texts that are neither written by Thine Coolest Dude Forever POS Industries nor written in celebration of Him are to be considered heretical, and any exercise of literacy outside these Nuklear Powered Forums are forbidden, with the exception of necessity to the noble goal of converting outsiders to The Way.
• The final day of the work week shall henceforth be recognized throughout His Glorious Creation as Casual Friday and, in His perfect wisdom, The Eternal Baller and Shot Caller POS shall entrust a subject of his choosing to provide donuts for all devout followers.
• All forum staff (heretofore referred to as "The Archdiocese of the Grand POS") shall have their performance judged on how entertaining the messages accompanying member culls (formerly known as "bans") are to the humours of His Most Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Follow these secred commandments, and I guarantee your a place in eternal paradise at my right hand. Heavy is he who wears the crown, and I consider it my solemn duty to wear it and free you all of the despair that accompanies choice.

ALL HAIL POS INDUSTRIES, FOR HE IS THE LIGHT THAT HOLDS BACK THE DARKNESS, AMEN.

I will support you only if I can take the newly vacated moderator spot.

EDIT: Wait why am I editing there's nothing in the new rules about doubleposting.

I mean, I've had this signature since forever. It'd be nice to finally use it unironically.

Devotion is it's own reward. However, excessive devotion breeds excessive rewards. This holds true to you as well as any of my beloved followers.

Kind sirs an ladies! Fellow members! Friends! I come to you to spread the word of an alternative to the worship of the God King! For truly man is his own god and he should take control over his own destiny, not bow to the rules of a false deity such as POS Industries!

So, how much worship do I need to show your rod to get a mod position?

I tell you that you do not have to listen to this man, for he is indeed just a man, but that you can dictate how you live your own lives! It is not just that you have the power to do this, you have in fact the responsibility to do so! You owe this to yourself and to the human condition! For no other can control your actions, your choices! You are free and you do not need a "god king"!

Look man, I just wanna dick around with mod privileges. If that means I have to blow myself or someone else, that's okay with me.

It saddens me to see you reject The One True Way, as it is written in the oldest texts known to me that POS is love, and my benevolence boundless. You are under no obligation to worship me beyond hope of retaining the privilege of breathing the air I grant you.

You are free to go in peace for all your future days.

For every blasphemer you slay, you stand closer to my golden throne.

See, if I had mod powers I could totally slay Oster. Paint his name red, you know?