poetry critique
 

for my writing class i have to critique 20 poems written by other people (not published). SO! have a poem that you're proud of? I need it! Full credit will be given to you, I just need something so I can pick at it for class. Any takers? I'll be eternally grateful.

here you go, feel free to destroy my delicate psyche with horrible criticism, I really do need opinions on my work so its pretty lucky for me that you posted this.

Wounded Stasis

A pane of glass undisturbed
Lying silently as ever known
A violent mote so perturbed
Across the silence breeze is blown

The perfection now lost
That eternity of stillness
Sacrificed for the moment, tossed
Into disarray and illness

While abhorrent chaos reigns
Miracles of change revealed
The peace it surely stains
Yet never to be repealed

New and brilliant action
Wounded stasis, limp and bleeding
Incapable of reaction
To the rampage of the seedling

Beauty such as never been
And violence as its consort
The two inseparable as if kin
Promise and disaster they court

Finally a sense of having purpose
To this existence seeming devoid
Of any substance but a surface
Now life has filled the void

With clumsy gait and awful luck
Comes the first of something grand
In ignorance and lust are stuck
The children of chance, they stand

With unbowed head and ready arms
To find that which has eluded
The meaning and the end to harms
Which their mother has eroded

Infinity cannot contain
The possibility within
The meaning of a nameless pain
The creation known as sin

Dynamic and resplendent are these
Creatures of a finer motivation
They ask their questions to the breeze
Yet receive no explanation

To the earth they render pleas
For guidance or an answer
They fall like rain upon their knees
But still remains the cancer

Of knowing how to ask a question
Yet of whom still mysterious
The greatest gift imagination
To let them decide the serious

Implications of being real
What it means to know of lies
As animals to love and feel
With divinity of open eyes

Erick Diaz 27 March, 2004


could you send me a copy of your critique please, if you choose to use this one that is. thanks!

The mountains zenith had an ambient calm,
Like a hazy reverie after a savage storm,
Sky-clad angels would lay in wake,
To witness forms that chaos would take,
Amongst the grasses, heathen and raw,
Vagrant nymphs played their flutes and all,
Musics lyrical lusts brought doom,
As the dusk settled in, maelstrom did too,
Squalls of desires echoed forth from winds,
Atop the mount where everything begins,
Angelic voices drowing out the cries,
For all other sound, Lucifer denies,
'Til forth from the heavens in a zephyr of blue,
A disciple of the God's struck his sword true,
Rapture, like fever, spread through with song,
Love became a virtue and evil was gone,
Sheathing his sword, he spread his wide wings,
Took to the air in the prayers the angels did sing,
The mountains zenith had an ambient calm,
Like a hazy reverie after a savage storm/
Like a perfect dream from a heart so strong.

damn but your talented! I just had to say that, sorry :) amnesia dust! hmmm, tastes like spam, my my, lets see what we can do about that...

I have a question for DonaMaria, what sort of guideline will you be following for the critiques? Is there a certain formula you have to use, or is it just a general unformatted impression you'll be writing? just curious.

I'll basically be breaking down your poetry into things like style analysis, word choice/sounds, rhythm beat tempo ish, imagry, use of voice etc. So there is no real "guideline", we just have to prove we learned something. Not as easy as it sounds though. There's A LOT of shit you didn't know existed to critique poetry so I'll be using all of it. If you really want to read my critique Zoamelgustar, I'll be happy to send it to you when I'm done.

PS: Rai- do you have a title for your work? Or do you want it to be untitled?

I feel intimidated......damn, those two poems are good

Oh, apologies - it's titled 'A Perfect Dream'.

I might add that I ALMOST had this one published, but it was for a Christian book and the woman was very insistant so I felt something was slightly off about her offer...

Don't feel intimidated Dragon, I won't be comparing these. Please! Need mas! Keep 'em coming.

uh... is there any limit on how long/short they must be?

Here's one I did on an assignment to write a poem about my first kiss. It speaks for itself.

Ask me not for thoughts on love
I the wingless among birds
but caged to sing of flight above
I'll cast my spell of lying words

First, I know, there must be lips
lush and parted with desire
to them, a sheen, a tongue equips
to show she too has heart afire

But for these lips, what of a face?
a face like lips both soft and fair
where every line and curve shows grace
a painting framed by flowing hair

Of poets faith, the purest rite
its thought makes lonlier the night.

(c) Kevin Cooper, 2004