The X-Men formerly known as New
 

Sosa mentioned this on the main page, so it seems like a good time to bring it up here.

I loved Morrison's New X Men (barring some qualms about bringing back Magneto and the rather underwhelming nature of the Phoenix's return). Unfortunately, it seems like Chuck "I write like an especially self-absorbed 15 year old" Austen (now on X-Men) and Chris "Sweet mother of all that is good who let this idiot get his filthy lecherous hands on an X book" Claremont (inexplicably returning to Uncanny) thus far seem hell-bent on wrecking the X-Men again. Honestly, the fact that they took the "New" out of the title of "X-Men" pretty much sums up everything about that book for me. (I'm thinking about referring to the book with some sort of sophomoric mocking adjective, such as "Expired X-Men" or "X-Men: Mummified", but I haven't come up with anything quite nasty sounding enough yet.)

At least from the books so far, it doesn't seem like they're completely retconning the Morrison run. In fact, that would actually better, because so far it seems like they're only keeping the elements from New X Men that they can turn into stupid drivel.

Examples: Cerebra's still there, but now it looks like the lame-ass Cerebro from the movies. Scott and White Queen are still together, but all the character development on Scott is gone, and White Queen's gone from haughty bitch-temptress to pissy and pedantic. Xavier's is still being run as an actual school, which is nice, but any attempt to make the students actually act like real teenagers is out, replaced by Austen's favored ABC Saturday Special style characters. Oh yeah -- they brought back the old X-Men outfits, including Cyclops' extra-stupid "human condom"-style uniform.

Fans of Xtreme X-Men will be happy to know that Claremont's totally obvious and also really creepy fetish-crush on Storm has survived the transition to Uncanny intact.

Oh yeah, and apparently they're bringing Xorn back, and fuck knows what that's about.

So anyway, you're more than welcome to share your thoughts on the changes.

(Unless you're actually happy with them, in which case you can just shut up and go to Hell.)

PS: Just kidding about that last bit. ;)

PPS: Mostly.

I gave up on comics a long time ago. Once in a while however I will pick up one and read it, suddenly feel ill and then slap myself 1000 times cause I know better. Then I go play my SNES. GO Earthbound!


P.S. Go Chrono Trigger too!

Ahhh the X-Men are a bitter fruit. I used to get all the X men titles Uncanny and what not. However sometime around 1994-95 those bastards at marvel thought it would be better if I purchased every damn title with the letter x in it and launched 46 consecutive massive crossovers.

Such as X-cutioners song.. that was the first one I remember and I liked that but every damn crossoever after that was dumb. And they all had like X-in the titles and that was even lamer. I believe the X-men crossovers got so bad Captain america, Iron Man, and the Avenger said, "fuck this" and left the Marvel universe....(ZING!) I stopped buying X-men comics, and comics in general then...

From the point I just bought graphic novels. Which was a wonderful decision on my part. I still stay away from the X-men though. But the NEw X-Men you speak of I would read at my cousin's and in the store and seemed good and I was going to get them after a while but now I see the evil ones have returned.

YES BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER'S WRITER IS AN X-MEN WRITER... Brilliant because... god help us all....

So, the new comic came out, and I thought I'd let you all know how it's coming along.

So, with that in mind, I now present you with this latest edition of Chris Claremont's X-Libs! (as filled in by Chuck Austen)

-Previously dead mutant comes back from the dead.

-A Mutant does Something Completely Out of Character.

-Back home, Another Mutant pisses and moans about Some Soap-Opera Bullshit.

-The X-Men are suddenly confronted by Bunch of Random Jackasses That Nobody Has Ever Heard Of Before.

Bunch of Random Jackasses That Nobody Has Ever Heard Of Before tells X-Men that this is None Of Their Concern because they are Outsiders.

-Yet Another Mutant says "You don't understand!"

-Someone yells "Get Them!"

-Bunch of Random Jackasses That Nobody Has Ever Heard Of Before is easily beating the X-Men.

-Meanwhile, Mutant That Used To Be Cool, Except We've Just Decided To Put Lots Of Effort Into Making Him Completely Suck, Which You Can Tell Because He has trouble with his powers.

-Bunch of Random Jackasses That Nobody Has Ever Heard Of Before continue beating the X-Men, until Same Damn Mutant who yelled "You Don't Understand!" does a Super Strong Attack that instantly defeats Bunch of Random Jackasses That Nobody Has Ever Heard Of Before.

-There is a Cliffhanger Ending (re: Deus Ex Machina).

Previously dead mutant: Xorn

A Mutant: Juggernaut (yesiknowhereallyisn'tamutantshutup)

Something Completely Out of Character: Starts acting really smart

Another Mutant:Some random asshole with wings (no, not Angel, apparently now they have some new jackass with wings... I think he's related to Cannonball or something, I don't know, I mean, they can't even make up new fucking powers anymore?)

Some Soap-Opera Bullshit: His dumb hick girlfriend died

Bunch of Random Jackasses That Nobody Has Ever Heard Of Before: The Immortal Ancient Protectors of China (I swear, you just can't make this shit up... unless you're Chris Claremont, in which case yes, you can, and you probably hug yourself when you do).

Yet Another Mutant: Havok

Mutant That Used To Be Cool: Gambit

Same Damn Mutant who yelled "You Don't Understand!": Havok again

Cliffhanger Ending:The black hole in Xorn's head eats the X-jet.

...

And so we see that the X-men truly have returned to form.

Huzzah!

Only thing that really annoys me about the new teams, is a total lack of Northstar!
How many times are they gonna shuffle this guy around from team to team, and now he's on none at all, he's just a teacher, dooemed to make new mutants cameos.
I mean, either find him an x-team, or send him back to alpha flight, but find a place for the silver haired, cocky, openly gay, quicksilver wannabe we love to hate.

I have only one thing to say...

The X-Men used to be one of the greatest comics. Period. Now it just sucks. Sucks because some fuckhead decided to love himself too much and ruin a good thing. Stupid jackass...I'll never read another XMen comic, or even consider it, again.

Sad what the world is coming to...

On a quick sidebar note: If you want Mutants the way you want them and you like table top RPing, go pick up Mutants and Masterminds. Throw in the XMen and do something with them that they should be doing...yeah...that sounds like a good idea...

Here, in Sweden, we get 3 issues of New X-men every other month, starting about half a year ago. So I'll be enjoying it for a few more years. :3

You could tell from my user name that I'm biased to Morrison, but I really, really like the stuff. When it's over I'll probably never pick up an X-book again.

I gave up on XMen about a year ago, and almost all comics after that. Now I'm trying to get a hold of some of Straczynski's work (I'm a big fan of Babylon 5), but I'm afraid that I'll have no idea what the hell is going on if I don't pick it up from the start.

Gambit was my favorite mutant. Claremont will pay for his sins in due time.

Amazing Spider-Man's been pretty uniformly awesome, though I think he just finished his run on that. They should have it in collections by now, though. I don't know what the hell happened to Rising Stars.

All I remember of Zrtavinsk. . . that guy is Midnight Nation, aviable in a single book, and Rising Stars, with two books out so far. Shouldn't be too hard to catch up on, huh? And they're quite good, both comics.

Quick, somebody catch the topic before it derails. . .