Do you believe in love at first sight? or shall I walk by again?

You've got over 200 hundred bones in your body. What's another?

I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

Those pants are skin tight! how do you get in to them?

This one will offend somebody I am sure of it. So I will leave you with this...

Everytime a person says something is offensive, someones dog is humping their leg while hearing about how offensive that thing is, now assuming that offensiveness spreads as much as people say, there are at any given moment at least 100 dogs humping their masters/mistress/whatever leg. So do the world a favor, stop calling stuff ofensive...

I like my women like I like my cofee. Ground up and in the freezer. <--- its a tee shirt.

When did we start telling pick up lines as jokes? Thats not very...funny.

Also, SpiritOfVengance, I lost the punchline while reading your disclaimer. Can you reorder your words?

Since we found out they don't really work...

Stupid Joke -


A little duck walks into a bar one day. He saunters up to the bartender and asks, "Got any gwapes?" "Nope, sorry," says the bartender. The duck walks out, disappointed.

The next day, the duck walks into the bar again and asks, "Got any gwapes?" "I already told you, no, I don't!" says the bartender angrily. The duck leaves, again disappointed.

The day after that, the duck walks in again and says, "Got any gwapes?" "No! I do not have any grapes! If you come in here one more time asking for grapes I'll nail your feet to the floor!"

The next day, the duck waddles into the bar. The bartender eyes him suspiciously. "Got any nails?" the duck asks. "No, why?" the bartender asks. "Got any gwapes?"

Ahahahah! No.

Another -

Guy is sitting on a train when another guy with a black eye sits down next to him.

First guys asks, "How'd you get that shiner?"

Second guys says, "Well, the ticket agent was this really voluptous young girl with a low cut blouse. I meant to ask her for two tickets to Pittsburgh, but it came out as 'Can I have two pickets to Tittsburgh' and she punched me."

First guy says, "Yeah that happened to me at breakfast the other morning. I meant to ask my wife to pass me the cereal, but it came out as 'You ruined my life, you miserable cunt."


One more for annoyance -

This white girl hears about how black guys have really big "members", so she goes to this party, and there's a black guy there. She invites him to come upstairs, and they're sitting on her couch. She puts her hand on his thigh, and say really sexily, "Why don't you show me what black guys are famous for?" So, he grabs her TV and jumps out the window.

Three old ladies are sitting on a bench in the park, enjoying the sun and the air. Suddenly, a man wearing a trenchcoat runs up to them and flashes these poor old ladies.

Well, the first old lady had a stroke. Then the second old lady had a stroke. The third old lady had arthritis and couldn't reach that far.

Ok, so this pirate walks into a bar and he's got this steering wheel on his crotch. He saunters up to the counter and sits down. The bartender walks over and says: "Um, you know you've got a steering wheel on your crotch, right?" and the pirate says:

"Arr, it's been drivin me nuts all day"

-----------------------------------

So Sherlock Holmes and Watson go camping, chasing after Moriarty. They have dinner, set up the tent and go to sleep. Sherlock wakes up and nudges Watson. Watson wakes up and Sherlock says, "Watson look up, what do you see?" to which Watson replies "I see billions and billions of stars", and Sherlock asks, "And what does that tell you?"

"Well, astronomically, I can tell that Cassiopea is particularly bright tonight, indicating our distance from the lights of civilization, meteorologically it tells me that the sky is unusually clear for England, Astrologically it tells me that Mars is in the fourth sphere and metaphysically it tells me that we are just infinitesimal grains of sand on an infinite beach and have no effect at all on the overall outcome of anything! Why, what does it tell you Sherlock?"

Sherlock sighs. "Watson you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!"

Been told. Byt two people I think. You would be the third.

No this is a bad one: A guy went to a store...There's was bread there too... BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!