Things that sound dirty... but aren't.
 

Its very simple, post something that could be taken really out of context if you didn't know why or where it was said.

To start:
On the topic of football...
"Its a game of inches" or
"Illegal use of hands."

Sergeants to recruits in basic training: "I fuck you understand!"

("Fuck" in our army has another meaning, which is to get screamed at very badly. Usage includes, "Bloody hell, your boots not shined, want to get fucked izzit?")

"You have a really long... *gulp* ... beautiful, smooth... *sweating* ... tongue."

"Why thank you!"

"I didn't mean to go down. It just kinda exploded in my face."
"Good job erecting that statue."
"It's just a little prick."
"Hang on for the ride of your life!"

I'll think of more.

What's long, hard and full of seamen?

A submarine. A girl I knew once said that she liked cherry tomatoes because they explode in your mouth.

This is something my freind who had recently moved actually said to me on aim the other day.
"I live in Semen"
'I'm surrounded by Semen all day long"
"It's hard adjusting to a life in Semen"
Okay she meant for it to sound dirty but she actually lives in a small town called Semen.

In y school, there is a hated math teacher who is named Mrs. Semen. I'm not kidding. Her husband's name is Dick Semen. It is just weird....

His parents probably did that on purpose. Again on the topic of football, just because thats what the conversation that inspired this topic was about.

"The closed on him before he could penetrate." or my favorite
"He... could... go... all... the... way!"

There was a SNL Church-lady skit where some running back was a guest (I want to say Terrell Davis or maybe it was more old school like Walter Payton). One of the many questionable lines were:
"So, what's your job?"
"I try to penetrate any opening I can find."

Well, there is the always classic: masticate

however, my favorite is something I overheard a random woman saying on a cell phone one day: "He squirted it all over, like mustard on a hot dog!"