Can't burn Argent and he has no life force eh......

First, I'll spray paint him gold so he is no longer the master of silver! Then I'd place him in a mold to shape him into the form of a gold dragon and make sure he's frozen in that form. Then I'd teleport him to Tiamat's lair and let her think a lawful good gold dragon just entered her home.

Ta ta

(I would just tarnish myself, therefore becoming a black dragon!)

I turn DotD Amish, then trap him in a roomful of electronics:

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies all I agree I look good in black... fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Caruso
It's as primitave as can be

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another
Think you're really rightous? Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might just have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in an Amish paradise

Yuck

I cast "mute" or "silence" on Argent. Without the ability to sing a snappy comeback song, I defeat him easily.

Just for insurance, I cast "stun" on him also, so that he is paralyzed and cannot write a witty comeback poem either.

Or...I hit him with some naplam. Whichever I feel like at the moment.


Edit: I am Toastburner...master of the post that gets in the way of everyone else.

Vicitims:
Dragonsbane
Druid of the Dead

HA! I'm from a mideval era, electronics already confuses me hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Besides, I'd probably just lighting bolt the whole room and escape.

Even if you tarnished yourself, Tiamat doesn't take any more kindly to strangers than any other chromatic dragon so she'd still attack.

I screw up the thread by ignoring everyone between me and toastburner, psionically sending this:

It's been one week since we got to see
Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry
Five days since they had the show
With the hermaphrodite, the slut, and the crack ho
Three days since we heard the tale
About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male
Yesterday it occurred to me
That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer

Holy cow, d'you see it last week?
Well, they had this one freak
Who sucker-punched his whole family
Do you recall when the brawl
Became a total free-for-all
And Jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee
Hey, see the stripper with the implants
She likes to lap dance
And date the boyfriend of her mother
Now here come's Jerry's next guest
And it's a slugfest
'Cause it's her trailer trash brother
Nymphomaniac is back on crack
It's like "When Animals Attack"
They all exhibit reprehensible behavior
Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes
Step on their toes, that's how it goes
They get so violent they have to sign a waiver

They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt, and pointin' blame
On the air? They don't care, they've got no shame
There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange
When he found out that his wife had a sex change
They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly
They have a history of ripping off their shirts

It's been one week since they had the fight
With the Siamese twins and the transvestite
Five days since that awful brawl
They still haven't got the blood off the wall
It's been three days since the bitter fued
Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude
Yesterday, finally dawned on me
I'm spendin' way too much time on that Jerry Springer

Guy Guest : Baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister
Gal Guest : Oh? Well, which one?
Guy Guest : All of them
Gal Guest : Oh! Well, I've been sleepin' with your best friend Jake!
Guy Guest : Yah? Well, well me too!
Gal Guest : Oh!
Guy Guest : And I've sleepin' with your dog Woofie!
(barking)
Gal Guest : Woofie, you b-tch!
Gal Guest : Well, I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat!
(baaahhing)
Guy Guest : That goat doesn't love you!

Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin'
Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin'
Jerry's the king of confrontation
He's a sensation
He puts the 'sin' in syndication
It's totally worthless, like a bad check
It's like a train wreck
Don't wanna stare but you can't look away
Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows
But with more weirdos
The ratings jumpin' higher everyday
If you've seen the show, well then you know
It's just as low as you can go
The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene
And pretty soon some ugly goon
Comes in the room and then it's BOOM
In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen

Well it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities
Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies
"Jerry! Jerry!" Now the crowd starts their favorite chant
Should I turn off my TV? I just can't
I have a tendency to watch it religiously
I have a history of taping each one

It's been one week since the show about
Psycho killers with problems they should work out
Five days since the big surprise
When some loser's wife said she's still dating twenty guys
Three days since he interviewed
A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude
Yesterday, it occurred to me
That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer
Tired of wastin' my time on that Jerry Springer
I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer
Come over here and pull on my finger



into his head.

EDIT: DotD, I don't care, I'm a member of a godlike race called the Controllers so I take contol of Tiamat, then come after you.

Suppose she makes her saving throw......

Edit: And good luck killing me, you'd not only have to find my phylactery, but you'd have to find a way to destroy it as well.

Argent gets his just deserts with

THE BALLAD OF LORD ARGENT!

He dated Siamese twins
He slept with Bigfoot, too
Get Him on Sally Jesse
Put Him on Donahue
'Cause He wants ta tell the world about it
Right Now

His dog's a narcoleptic
His mom's a circus freak
He's gotta get a spot on
Geraldo's show this week
'Cause he want's ta tell the world about it
Right Now

he's just an anorexic codependant bingo addict
Stripper born without a chin
And He's only comfortable talking about it
When the whole wide world is listening in

Argent!... Argent!
Listen to him, (listen to him) listen to him, (listen to him) listen to him

His wife ran off with Elvis
His boss shaved off his hair
He's got a thing for poodles
And rubber underwear
And he want's ta tell the world about it
Right Now

He had a close encounter
He never chews his food
He got eleven nose jobs
He yodels in the nude
And He wants ta tell the world about it
Right Now

He's just a cross-dressin' alcoholic neo-Nazi
Porno star, as you may have guessed
And He's really gonna feel a whole lot better
If you let him get this thing off his chest

Argent... Argent!
Listen to him, (listen to him) listen to him, (listen to him) listen to him

He's just your average schizophrenic nymphomaniac
Albino go-go dancer, you see
Nothin' so bad that he can't share it
With a billion friends on national TV, whoa...

he has no genitalia
he sold my kids for cheese
he loves my blow up doll, so
Bring out those cameras, please
'Cause Ihe want's ta tell the world about it
Right Now!

I would toss fub into a pile of meat and then make him eat his way out well ever more is pouring in

*backs up SAAM by singing along, then using a Silver-to-Flesh spell to MAKE Argent flammable!*

*then proceeds to dump gasoline on Argent, and add a Fire-1 spell*

Upon capturing DB I would:
Plug him into a Flesh Eating Fire Ant Colony (genetically engineered for maximum pain)
This colony will be in a room that constantly regenerates ALL living things within it at a sufficient rate that it would takes Centuries for the ants to finally kill DB
Oh the room also supplies the necessary nutrients for DB to survive and keeps him from aging