Voice mail messages.
 

I'm bored, bear with me.

Have any of you ever had or heard any REALLY good or REALLY funny voice mail messages? (PM me and I'll give you the number to my mailbox so you can hear my current one.) Or post your own so we can hear them! ^^

Well, lets see here... my freind once left me a voicemail when he was drunk. It was him going on and being excited about getting the chance for buttsex with two aisian chicks. Alas, it has been lost forever....

"John, this is your mother. When you get home, unload the dishwasher and start the spaghetti sauce. Don't forget to feed the dog and start a load in the dryer. We have to take your brother to the emergency room now, so see you when we get in." *click*

Oddly enough, I wasn't too alarmed.

I think she was talking about messages that are left for you to hear before you leave a message. As in "What does your answering machine say to people?"

Right now, mine says, "Hey! Jeremy, Joe, and James aren't here right now, so leave a message. Remember, if you don't leave a message, someone else will, and then, we'll call them back and not you. Now how's that going to make you feel? Yeah. That's right. BEEP!"

Last year, when my roommate Rob was here besides Joe and I, we had the message: "This is Jeremy. This is Rob. 'Sup ladies? This is Joe! And uh... we're not here right now, so leave a message after the beep. [fake beep using the computer followed by a good 25 second pause.] No. Not that beep. This one. [real beep.]"

Nice one CT, my anwsering machine is weird.

Hi, this is Frank and um I guess leave somthing and well you can figure it out.

"Oh hey!.....How are ya?.............Cool cool, I'm just making some food. I think you should probably leave a message here so that I can listen to it when I actually get back from whatever I'm doing right now."

on a friend's cel phone: *long pause* Hi this is Daniel, you know the *BEEP*

some stuff i'd like to have as my voicemail message:

Agent Zulu. <pause> Who? <pause> What are you doing calling the RED line? This is unauthorized! You will be reported to the FBI, CIA, USSS, and your mother! Leave your message and phone number after the tone - we already know your name."

(Rod Serling imitation) You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a signpost up ahead -- this is no ordinary telephone answering device... You have reached, "The Twilight Phone".

Hello, Welcome to [name]'s Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
No one will answer.
beeeeeep

Let me answer the phone... please! Hal!?
I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.

In a vaguely phoneco-operator voice: "I'm sorry, you have reached an imaginary number. Would you please rotate your telephone by ninety degrees and try your call again."

[brit accent]: I didn't expect the bloody answering machine.
[spanish inquisition]: NEEAAUUbody expects the answering machine! Our chief use is to get your name. Your name and number... Our TWO cheif uses are to get your name and number and message. DAMN! Our THREE cheif uses are to get your naem, number, message... and time you called. ARGH! I may as well just start over.
[brit accent]: *sighs* No time for that! here comes the-
beeeeeeep

I use homestarrunner sound bits for my voicemail. Right now it says "You got dangeresque... Who dis is!?"

Mines part of the intro to Half-Life. Right at the end of the tram ride...
"Mornin Mr. Freeman, seem to runnin a bit late." Somethin along those lines, it doesnt sound perfect though :(

Funniest one I've ever heard:

"Hello. Heello. Hello? Is anyone there? Anyone? Aww, I'm just kidding. Leave a message after the beep."