The Quest For Evil Pie!
 

NOTE: This was moved here from another forum because it is apparently more suited to this forum than any other (according to shiney). If you want the introduction, just look in here...

Amusing Intro Scene

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I will tell you the tale of a world filled with darkness, a place of unforgiving evil at the center of the very core of malevolence. I will tell you a tale of my world, of my universe, of my own shattered mind...

I will tell you...but understand that this is my world I speak of, and I plan to make a little money off of it. So please ask before you use any of my own personal elements. Give credit where credit is due and all that.

And now...the first installment of...


PART ONE - DEPRAVED NEW WORLD.

It was perhaps...a dream come true. Had he actually done it? Was he really here? One fateful plunge of the dagger, intent on permanently ridding himself of at least one incompetent boob from the face of the world, and he was transported here. It was hard to imagine, but he had done it! He had finally done it!

Black Mage: I'm finally rid of those damn idiots!!

No sign of Fighter. No sign of Red Mage. No sign of Thief. He was alone and surrounded by a barren wasteland teeming with dark forces of an almost-delicious nature. He felt...as if he was where he belonged. That was when he'd decided to scope out pie. Evil Pie, that is. In any dark universe, if there was pie, it had to be Evil Pie, the choice pie of Black Mages anywhere. The only question was...where to go? Black Mage could sense that this world was both massive and filled with sinister creatures of varying types.

Black Mage *Holding Today's Script*: "...sinister creatures of varying types." What? I didn't steal the Writer's copy of the script.

The Writer: Hey!

Black Mage: Gotta go!

He began to 'walk' (Read as "Dash off with a *PYON!* sound") in a direction that seemed...promising. The more stagnant the evil, the more chances of him finding what he wanted. Soon, he came to find a towering creature, a golem no less than 30 feet in height, made of metal and blood-red crystal. Strangely enough, getting near the beast made him feel stronger. It was as if the golem was somehow channeling evil and corruption outward in waves.

Black Mage: Hey! Tall, dark, and ugly! Where the hell am I?

"HELLLL...ISSS...NOOOT... LANNND...CALLLLED...TERRRMIIINNNUUUSSS..."

The golem spoke so slowly that Swamp Thing could have said it three times by the time the golem had finished.

Black Mage: The place is called Terminus, eh?

"YEEE-"

Black Mage: Don't answer THAT! Tell me...where do you guys keep your darkest forces, your most powerful spells, your twisted abominations? TELL ME WHERE YOU KEEP YOUR PIE!!

The golem listens carefully, tosses the questions all through his head a moment, and then answers by pointing in the direction of the third red sun of this land, Terminus. In the distance, BM just barely perceived...a tower, a storm, and an overwhelming amount of power...

Black Mage: Jackpot!

"IIIT...IIISSS...CALLLLED..."

Black Mage: That won't be necessary.

"...THEEE...BAAASSS..."

Black Mage: You can stop now.

"...TIOOON...OOOOFFFF..."

Black Mage: Shut up, already!

The golem falls silent, and shrugs as Black Mage walks towards the huge tower, many many miles away. It was only after he was out of earshot that yet another one of these golems sprouted from the ground and spoke to the first one. The strange part of this was that they spoke rather normally, like a pair of Mafia hitmen.

"Geez... What'd he want from you?"

"Got me. Said something about power and evil and pie, so I told him to head on down to the Bastion of Chaos."

"What a flippin' maniac, man. What kind of guy heads off into the home of the Darkgod?"

"Hey, I don't ask and I ain't gonna tell. If a little jerk like that ain't gonna wait long enough for me to tell him what for, he's better off dead."

"Yeah, I guess. But still...I gotta feel sorry for any poor soul that comes knockin' at the boss' house."

* * * * *

MEANWHILE...

*Thump! Thump! Thump!*

"Helloooo!! Anybody home?"

Picture now a gigantic tower, a veritable fortress built of the darkest, most sinister-looking stone. See the many spurs and spikes jutting from its outer walls, so as to catch a corpse as they fall. Gaze upon the maw-like windows bleeding out an eerie red light into the eternal night. The tower of the self-styled Darkgod stretches far into the sky, it's top adorned with for huge beastial statues of vivesected demons and a crown of what looks like teeth, but are actually the spiritual focal-points in which that a gigantic eye may manifest, lidless and endless in dreadful power. Stare into the eye of destruction, the epitome of evil itself, and blink. Behold...the Dark Power...the essence of destructive power...and the creator of the Darkgod, Massacre. See the mighty bastion of this land's ruler...and look now upon the foolish little man who would unknowingly knock upon the doorway to his castle...

Fighter: I know you're in there, I can hear you breathing!


TO BE CONTINUED...

The cast of the Light Warriors - Fighter, Black Mage, Thief, and Red Mage - have all been transported to another world, where wrong is right and darkness reigns supreme. It is not the future of their world, ruled by Chaos, or even a section of Hell. It is a land called Terminus, owned and ruled by an unknown fiend called Massacre... The Light Warriors, wherever they may be on this god-forsaken world, know next to nothing about this place. However...Black Mage LOVES IT!!!

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PART 2 - ENTER THE BASTION OF CHAOS...

It was not to be considered a vision from hell. Not by a long shot. For in the eyes of the Dark Lord, the underworld greatly paled in comparison to him, lacking in any true style as far as evil was concerned. And seeing as how he was self-styled a Darkgod amongst mortals, he found that the material realm needed a nice, heaping helping of abomination. That which flew the flag of Massacre went beyond mere horror. His minions alone gave the likes of mere Demons nightmares. Yes, it was good to be master of your own domain. Everyone was always subservient or fearful of you, never daring once to defy-

*Thump! Thump! Thump!*

"Helloooo!! Anybody home?"

Okay, so there were exceptions. From inside a poorly-lit room, a thing with glowing-red eyes stood from its throne and proceeded over to a window on the far side of the room. The window was literally a mile off of the ground. His head poked out to look, with eyes perfectly capable of seeing down there. The head of this being - the Dark Lord, Massacre - was monstrously gargoyle-like. Black skin, curved horns, pointed ears, irregular slanted skull, jagged-sharp teeth, slits for nostrils - he was friggin' ugly. He spied the foolish Fighter, pounding on the two gigantic doors into his tower, and grinned.

Massacre: A small, badly-animated human wishes to explore my inner-sanctum, eh? I think I could have fun with that...

The doors were opened and Fighter stepped inside, still calling out to people that weren't there. Well, there WAS someone there, but certainly not greeters and well-wishers. No... More like wretches and abominations, all roaming the corridors of this castle, waiting for fresh meat. Massacre told them to "Have Fun!" with their new guest. Oh goody...


The only thing that was wrong with going on a quest for grandoise and malevolent purposes was that if you didn't have some means of getting around, you were stuck walking every inch of the way. Judging by how the tower gleamed with evil and the way he could now see some of its finer details, Black Mage figured that he was still about 57 miles away.

Black Mage: For crying out loud! By the time I get there, I'll be so old that my beard will cover my hideous appearance! There's got to be an easier way to do this!

Just then, there was a rumbling from the very ground BM was standing on. What was it? A stampede? An earthquake? Another one of those golems? No... It was a giant sandworm!!! A positively HUMONGOUS toothed-worm surfaces out of the very ground nearby. Black Mage does not flinch at it, realizing that there was only one reason a sandworm would be following him.

Black Mage: Perfect timing! YO!! WORM!! GET ME OVER TO THAT TOWER, PRONTO!!

The sandworm kinda' looks in his direction, but transportation is not on its mind. BM backs up a little, also sensing that this may be the case.

Black Mage: Uhhhh...why're you looking at me like that? No no, don't flex those teeth at me. I'm not a friggin' morsal.

The sandworm is not convinced. BM starts backing up a little quicker, realizing that this creature is probably faster than him.

Black Mage: Don't even THINK about it! I'm warning you...

Two seconds later, the warning was over. Black Mage made no hesitation in casting the gigantic uber-explosive spell of...

Black Mage: HAAA~DOOO~KEEEN!!!!!

A huge beam of energy leaps from his hands and blasts straight through the mouth, head, and surfaced body of the sandworm, ultimately killing it and scattering char-broiled pieces of itself all over the landscape. The beam proceed onward into the horizion. Black Mage, on the other hand, was unexpectedly propelled away from his attacker, straight towards the Bastion of Chaos at an incredible speed!

Black Mage: Ehhh...Me-Doken?

A moment later, he entered the huge tower, via the already-open doors and the velocity of Mage-Doken. He bounces off of the floor a couple times in landing, brushes himself off, and sighs. At least he's here. But what BM did not know was that Fighter was also here, but elsewhere inside the dreaded castle.

Black Mage: Now, let's see what this place has to offer...


MEANWHILE...

Miles away, a demon-portal opened to admit the imposing and vicious form of...Baphomet!!

Baphomet: At last, I am free!! They DARED to say that heaven and hell would not accept me and that I must remain in limbo! Ha! For I, Baphomet, have returned to the land of the living to wreak my revenge upon the Light Warriors, who tricked me upon the bridge to Prontera! I will destroy them all and dance upon their sodden corp-

KEEERRRPOOOWWW!!!!!

Sadly, it was not to be.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Light Warriors, Light Warriors... Has anyone seen the Light Warriors? Well, yes and no. Red Mage and Thief are a no-show. But Fighter and Black Mage have infiltrated a dark and ominous castle belonging to the lord of the Dark Dominion, Massacre. Thus far, neither of them has been impeded in what they want. However, in a deadly place like this, only Black Mage may know the score...

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PART 3 - LIKE HELL, BUT FUNNIER.

Fighter had been here for about ten minutes...and already he was lost. He didn't know what it was about this place, but it was easy to get lost here. The walls were covered in dead people and big eyeballs that looked at him funny. He'd popped one with his sword earlier and it shot him against a wall with a geyser of blood. What a mess... This place kept twisting and turning alot too. It wasn't that it HAD alot of twists and turns. It just kept doing it alot whenever he wanted to go somewhere. Fighter saw a door just then. It was a regular door with a regular doorknob. He opened it...and beheld a strange sight. It was a padded cell with a man using a typewriter while held in a straightjacket. He was typing with his feet. The strange man spoke up without looking to see who had opened the door.

"Tell Massacre I'll have the story for Michael what's-his-name ready in an hour."

Fighter: Uhhh...who are you?

"Eh?"

He looked over, kind of confused. Then...

"Dude, I'm the Writer, of course. I make it all happen. Where do you think all this stuff comes from? The sky?"

Fighter just stares for a moment, his mind still floating around in La-La Sword-Land, then shuts the door. He keeps moving until large flying monster blocks his path. Near as he can tell, its a big round thing of flesh and tentacles that has horrific faces all over it. Such things are called Macabres, or "Legions" in Japan.

"Foolish American Fighter-san! We destroy you faster than you can blink!!"

Definitely a Legion. It was speaking with an English dub over its true language and it was definitely in anime-form. However, the Legion had a little surprise in store as a big chainsaw cut it in half to reveal...

"Two orders of Macabre con carne, coming up!"

...Ash Williams! The Michigan-born Deadite-killer was stuck in this hell-hole for some reason as well, carving up the freaky monsters until he can cut no more.

Fighter: Dude! That was sweet! Almost as good as my swords!

Ash: Swords'll never get through their rough hides. You gotta use a heavy chainsaw and a real boomstick, baby. Say, who are you, anyway?

Fighter: My name's Fighter and...I like swords.

Ash: Uh-huh... Boy, this guy's really out to lunch. Yeah...and my name is...uhhh...Bruce. Yeah, that's it. Bruce...Campbell. But my friends, they call me...Magnanimous.

"Prepare to meet your FINAL DOOM!!!"

The Legion was apparently not going to take defeat lying down, especially not in half. It pulled itself together and quickly regenerated. And when it said "Final Doom", it wasn't kidding. Fighter saw tons of demons running down the hall, all of them badly animated, but not as badly as him!


On a completely different floor, Black Mage was equally lost, but with a better understanding of why or how he was lost. This place was called the Bastion of Chaos, apparently, and it was built upon chaotic reasoning. The corridors were designed to shift around at random, making no one direction the actual right way to go. Also, the gravity was interchangeable as well. You could end up walking straight up a wall and not even realize it. Now then, what Black Mage had done was this... In order to get where he wanted to go, he reasoned that no force in the universe could get him there from here without chaos. Since this place was designed to get people lost, he decided TO get lost and find his way around by doing just the opposite. Several creatures that claimed to be "Macabres", and not "Legions", flew by, but sensed that he was a despicable evil, so they left him alone. The only problem was that Black Mage felt he wasn't getting anywhere fast.

Black Mage: I would feel alot more confident about my quest if the walls weren't littered with the bones of many starved victims that have attempted to traverse these halls. Isn't there some kind of map for a place like this? How do the owners get around?!

Black Mage had his hands raised in anger...until someone placed a scroll in one of them. BM reeled to find another one of those Macabre things hovering about. He opens the scroll to find a map with moving parts and little pictograms of things going on.

Black Mage: How come nobody else got one of these?

"They never asked."

BM just shrugs and heads off down another corridor, talking to himself as he looks over the map of the Bastion of Chaos.

Black Mage: Hmmmm.... Heavy battle breaking out on level 2... The Dark Lord's chambers... Hall of Gargoyles... AHA!! Magic Library! JACKPOT!!

TO BE CONTINUED...

I'll say. That's very good stuff there, Massacre. I really gotta check this forum more often...

Okay... I have fans (or maybe just "fan"), I have over 80 views, and I have more story to tell. I guess that means I have to keep on going.

Just to review, Black Mage and Fighter are in the bowels of a dark castle in the middle of Terminus, the central world of the Dark Dominion. Fighter is hopelessly lost and being toyed with by the minions of evil. Black Mage seems to be getting along well in here, as he is viewed by the minions of the Dark Lord as..."One of the guys".

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PART FOUR - EVIL TITLES...

What had happened? How had he come this way? Fighter remembered slicing and dicing at Doom-Demons with his swords, Fighter-Dokening and making cool sword-swishing noises, and then something knocked him aside and he was in another hallway. He didn't even know what happened to the guy with the chainsaw. Fighter shrugs and walks down the hall, passing...Black Belt?

Fighter: Hey there, BB.

Black Belt: Hello, specter of my imagination. I'm so lost...

Black Belt seemed to disappear down another corridor as Fighter passed by a sign that said "GO LEFT--->". He completely ignored it as he walked down a new hallway to a door that was well-armored and apparently unguarded. There was a sign nearby that said...

DO NOT ENTER! HORRIBLE MUTANT ABOMINATIONS INSIDE!

Fighter paid no attention to this sign either. He wasn't in the habit of paying attention to anything that didn't hold his immediate interest, which was not anywhere along the lines of being cautious inside deadly castles.

Fighter: I wonder if there are any swords behind this door...

*Thump! Thump! Thump!*

Fighter: Hey, in there! Do you have any sword-worshipping sword-girls inside?

There was no reaction for a moment. Then...

"Unfortunately, we don't have any women in here. But we DO have swords!"

Fighter: Nice big shiny happy swords?

"Ummm.... Nice big shiny evil swords."

Fighter: Good enough!

He throws open the door with a mighty feat of strength and runs inside the room. A moment later, a dozen different battlecries echo down the hall as Fighter is ambushed by hordes of ugly mutant abominations. Fighter had not screamed so much since the Giant's Forest incident. Finally, after the pummeling was over...

Fighter: I didn't see any swords...

"Swords? Oh, sorry. We didn't mean swords... We meant sores."

Fighter: Sores? Aw, nuts...

A moment later, a ton of hideous mutants with gray-colored skin escape from the room and seal it up. Fighter is stuck inside, with a straightjacket on, and tied up like crazy. The doors had been shut, boarded, locked, bricked, and spat upon, and a sign was left in front of all of this, saying...

WARNING!! DO NOT ENTER!!
EXTREMELY STUPID WARRIOR INSIDE!!!

* * * * *

It was some time later that Black Mage had exited from...The Library. It was a gigantic room full of magical tomes and spells, with a name that was spoken as if one was trying to say "The Castle of Dread". There seemed to be a slight trend with that here. Things weren't just evil here. They were ambiguously evil. They were self-centered, arrogant, greedy, glory-stealing forms of evil.

Black Mage: My kind of guys... Hmmm... What's this? Mage-Senses...tingling. I sense a great force...of stupidity.

And in the Black Mages's mind, there can be only one. He began to follow the trail of stupidity, led by archaic forces that he used to divine his "Mage-Senses". It may be BECAUSE he had such things that Black Belt had NO sense of direction or perception and that Red Mage was a stupid gimp. We may never know... Still...Black Mage came upon the door with the "Stupid Warrior" signs.

Black Mage: There's no pie here... Nor is there evil magic, free-wheeling White Mages, or even another evil wretch to talk to. All that's in here is Fighter...

He considered leaving him there, what with the fact that the evil around here didn't seem to want to hurt him. But then, there was always... Hmmm... Yes. There WAS something he could use him for, that big stupid lug... The hallway darkened everywhere but around Black Mage as he charged himself up.

Black Mage: HAAAA~DOOO~KEEEEN!!!

A big shiny blue blast of energy breaks through all the barriers and explodes in Fighter's face, both freeing and hurting him at the same time. If all heroes were like this, then Black Mage would agree that all was right with the world. In any case, a slightly burned Fighter emerges from the wreck.

Fighter: Hey, BM. I see you came to rescue me.

Black Mage: Let's not jump to conclusions.

Fighter: Well, you're here, right? And you DID use your most powerful spell to break me out.

Black Mage: Oh, did I now?

Fighter: Wait.... What're you say-

Black Mage: Hey Fighter, wanna go on an adventure?

Fighter: An adventure?! WHEEEEEEE!!!

Well, that got his mind off track. A good thing too, because Black Mage didn't want Fighter to start blabbing that BM had just raided the Dark Lord's library of devious and underhanded spells just a few minutes ago. Chances are, bad guys like them wouldn't care, but it was better that back-stabbers didn't know. He'd mastered every black art in the Final Fantasy book already and was now starting to learn a few more little tricks... The fact that he'd casted Hadoken a second time that day proved it.

Fighter: So, where are we going?

Black Mage: The Kitchen...

*BUM BUM BUUUUUM!!!!*

Fighter: The kitchen? Lame...

Black Mage: No no no! It's the Kitchen, the Dark Lord's place of ill-cooked foods and terrifying treats, where at least three of his unofficial comrades in darkness work. And one of them is...The Refridgerator....

Fighter: Is that bad?

Black Mage: Hell yeah. It's a monster for sure. Anyway, I want some pie from that place. I have a feeling that it's either very evil pie...or very tasty. And either of those suits me fine.

Fighter: How do you know all this?

Black Mage: I...read about it somewhere...

The Writer: GIVE ME BACK MY SCRIPT!!!

* * * * *

LATER...

Fighter: We're lost.

Black Mage: We're not.

Fighter: We're lost.

Black Mage: We're not.

Fighter: We're lost.

Black Mage: We're not.

Fighter: We ARE lost.

Black Mage: Nonsense. I know exactly where we are.

Fighter: But we saw Black Belt pass us by THREE TIMES!

Black Mage: That's because he's a boob.

BM and Fighter had been wandering the twisted halls of Massacre's tower, and had apparently been doing so for almost a day now. In truth, it was not because they were lost. Black Mage's evil senses, and his map, were able to home in on The Kitchen with ease. The problem was that the inside of the Bastion of Chaos was a shifting labyrinth that wreaked havoc on the mortal mind. So, Fighter and Black Belt were lost. BM was not.

Fighter: Are we there yet?

Black Mage: Nope.

Fighter: Are we there yet?

Black Mage: Uh-uh.

Fighter: Are we there yet?

Black Mage: Yes.

Fighter: Huh? How'd you do that?

They were now in front of a door that looked plain and ordinary as far as kitchens went. It just kind of...felt evil. It also had a sign above the door, in neon lights, saying...

WELCOME TO...

Black Mage: Lucky guess.

TO BE CONTINUED...

what? you stopped?

WHY MUST LIFE BE SO CRUEL!

seriously, these were awesome, make more, don't slow them down

Oh, you want more, do ya?
 

Yeah... Ummm...about that... I...errr...had finals to study for. Anyway...

*Deep breath*

Black Mage and Fighter, as well as the other immediate Light Warriors, have been transported to scenic Terminus, a land brimming with evil that Black Mage really likes alot. So far, he has navagated his way through the Dark Lord's own Bastion of Chaos and attained numerous spells of incredible power. Can this possibly be the best day of BM's life? Maybe. But now, armed with his favorite meat shield, he continues to search of the Evil Pie, which lies within...

THE KITCHEN!!

:rmage: BUM BUM BUMMM!!

SILENCE, YOU FOOL!! RESUME STORY!!

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PART 5 - BEWARE OF CAMOES!

They were in awe of it...for about three seconds. This was to be the Dark Lord's place of evil food concoctions. It was suppose to have the Nine-Hell Standard, according to the Guide of Terminus Locales that Black Mage had...found. In any case, the surprise and awe effect wasted away, all due to BM's impatience and Fighter's short attention span.

Fighter: You see, BM? I told you I could balance nine swords on my head.

Black Mage: Balance what with the who now? Nevermind. Let's go inside.

Fighter: Why?

Black Mage: Haven't you been paying attention?

Fighter: Nope.

Black Mage: And you forgot everything I said before?

Fighter: Yup.

Black Mage: I'd kill him, but he wouldn't learn anything from it.

Fighter: So...where are we again?

Black Mage: Ugh... Just read this.

BM hands Fighter a rather familiar booklet that seems to have taken a bit of a beating from all the running around and such. It is labelled "Evil Pie Script". Fighter takes it, opens it, and begins reading while it is turned upside-down.

Black Mage: Uhh, Fighter?

Fighter: "This was to be the Dark Lord's place of evil food concoctions..."

Black Mage: Nevermind.

The Writer: Last chance, BM. Give up the script.

Black Mage: Stuff it in your ear, pencil-breath! I'm an independent character and there's nothing you can do to me!

Black Mage opens the door to The Kitchen and eight tall, forboding figures in black cloaks, wielding long shiny 128-bit swords, exit the room. They surround the two shorter Light Warriors and speak...as one.

"We have come for the One Script..."

Black Mage: Uhhh...Fighter? Give them the script.

Fighter hands over the script and the eight Nazgul Riders vanish into the realm of spirits to deliver their parcel unto The Writer. This left Fighter and BM with the problem of getting inside. Why was this a problem? Didn't they just open the door? Well, yes...but not the OTHER door...

Black Mage: I'll get you for this, you know.

The Writer: Fat chance. Now, on with the show!

The new door was of titanium contruction, a vault no doubt. It had been place there so recently that the paint had barely dried. BM looked around. There was only one way to do this...

Fighter: BM? Why are you looking at me like that?

* * * * *

"FIGHTER-DOKEN!!"

The door to The Kitchen bursted open as Fighter was flung through it. He flew into the room, under the table, right over a sleeping cat in a box, and into the far wall, putting a dent in it. Fighter would've complained that that hurt him, but he'd landed on his head, so there was no harm done. Black Mage stepped in a moment later, as soon as he was sure that Fighter wasn't about to be eaten alive so he could high-tail it to safety. He looked around.

Black Mage: Cozy little place.

This room was a terrible mistake of nature....or should be. Imagine a relatively ordinary kitchen...with a fat orange cat sleeping in a box...a tall brown-haired inept human cook...and a fat weird-looking man in a devil costume.

Fighter: I wonder why they think it's so dangerous?

"Hello there. My name is Jon Arbuckle. Would you like to try my Bledivekian Ham-Hock Flambe'?"

Fighter: Bledive- what the hell is that?!

Black Mage: Evil food. It sounds innocent enough, but the cook is a dangerous artist. He's made delicasies of disaster.

Yes, that's right. The cook was none other than Jon Arbuckle, the cat was none other than Garfield the cat, and the man was-

"I am Evil Ho~mer! I am Evil Ho~mer!"

Jon Arbuckle: So what will you boys have?

Black Mage: Brethren Jon, I have come for the Evil Pie!!

Homer: Mmmm...pie...

*Thunderstrike Noise*

"Gotta love those little effects."

Fighter: Hey, BM! Check this out! This cat can TALK!

Garfield: The room just got a whole lot more stupid, didn't it?

Black Mage: Oh yeah.

Black Mage and Fighter have found the creator of the Evil Pie, and now Garfield is awake. What will happen to these two amidst this hellish room of bad food? Where is the Evil Pie that Black Mage seeks? And...

Black Mage: What is that disgusting-looking toad over there?

"BRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKK!!!!!!"

Garfield: Oh, him? That's Slugg.

Slugg, of course, did not stand. He just laid there in a mess of himself, belching now and then. He was a big fat toad-thing with lazy eyes and small limbs. Homer said something about him being nigh-invulnerable, but completely useless... Meanwhile, Garfield was making some gagging noises at Jon's latest 'delacasy', offering to shove it in the one place such things belong.... The Refridgerator!! At the same time, BM was getting impatient with Jon, who was offering bad food, but no Evil Pie or information on it.

Black Mage: Enough of your pathetic cooking class! Where is the Evil Pie!?

Jon: Garfield ate it.

Black Mage: WHAT?!

Garfield: WHAT?!

Fighter: Huh?

There was a pause. Something was amiss here.

Jon: Well, didn't you?

Garfield: Heck no! That pie was awful!

Black Mage: That's music to my ears...

Jon: So, where's the pie, Garfield?

Garfield: I mailed it to Abu Dhabi.

Jon: WHAT?!

Black Mage: WHAT?!

Fighter: Huh?

Garfield: Whoa! Wait a second! I mailed it to Abu Dhabi, but it was eaten by The Refridgerator before the mailman could get away. He even ate the mailman...

Black Mage: He put it in The Refridgerator...?

Jon: Yes, The Refridgerator...

Fighter: WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!!!

In a surprisingly uncontrollable frenzy, Fighter silenced the whole room with his outburst. Even Slugg held his tongue for that moment, and the background music - which just happened to be Elevator music - stopped with the effect of a broken reocrd!

*BRRRRRRTTT!!!*

Fighter: What's with all the ominous-sounding stuff like The Kitchen and The Refridgerator all about?

Black Mage: Forgive him. He's an idiot.

Garfield: I know the feeling.

Black Mage: Fighter...

Fighter: Yo.

Black Mage: Go get me my pie from The Refridgerator, will you?

Fighter: Anything for you, good buddy.

Black Mage and Garfield snickered as Fighter headed over to The Refridgerator for some Evil Pie...and whipcream. When he opened it, someone called out, saying "Zool..." The last thing heard from him was "HOLY MOTHER OF SWORD-CHUCKS!!!" and then silence... Can this be the end of Fighter?

Black Mage: YES!!!

TO BE CONTINUED...

studying for finals is good, it means you get to pass the finals, stay in the school, and as a result keep using broadband to put these here.

they are awesome!

This next bit I'm doing is basically to keep you guys appetized until after Christmas, because Mr. Mass is out for a week after Christmas.

So, just to recap... Black Mage has been in search of the famed EVIL PIE on the world of Terminus, a place ruled by evil within an entire universe of horrific atrocities. Within the Bastion of Chaos, he finds his first possible lead, The Refrigerator... Unfortunately, getting the pie from that living appliance would be hazardous and cruel to whomever tried to locate the pie. But since he sent in Fighter, everything's cool. Will they ever hear from Fighter again?

:bmage: Not no mo' we're not!

Shush you.

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PART 6 - MISSING FOOD...

The last we heard from dear Fighter, he was shouting "HOLY MOTHER OF SWORD-CHUCKS!!" right before The Refrigerator got him. Black Mage didn't look and neither did Jon or Homer for that matter. The only ones who actually saw what happened to Fighter were that of Garfield, using binoculars, and Slugg.

Garfield: Wow... He just got sucked into the 10th level of the Blackwave Abyss.

Black Mage: I'm guessing it will take some time to get my pie then...

Garfield: Yeah, like "Don't make any plans".

Slugg: There are things within the Blackwave Abyss that truly drive the mind insane, and that is merely the first of the ten levels. As one progresses further into the depths, the demons within become far more insidious and powerful. And yet, beyond the ninth level, past a wall of pure acid, there lies a domain that no demon will cross, not even the Greater Demons of that heinous place. Few can tread there safely, like the Avatar...

It should be known that while Slugg is a lazy, disgusting, useless, loafing, nigh-invulnerable toad-creature, he does possess a fair amount of intelligence about him. It is just that he never cares to talk to anyone about anything anywhere.. In variably, the only thing that is ever heard from him are variations of...

Slugg: BRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAKKK!!!

Black Mage: Silence, toadie! I hear something...

There was a sound coming from The Refrigerator that was distinctly like that of a toilet backing up. Something was very wrong here, and the reason lay in there, inside that freaky living-dimensional gate. The door sprang wide open, a directly line to the fabled Abyss forming as something insidious and black. The Blackwave was the power of the other god of evil, the Profound Darkness. The Dark Power and the Darkness were rivals... A creatre took shape...with a sea of black...two arms...and a bone-white faceplate depicting a three-eyed visage sporting a malevolent smile...

Black Mage: Who're you?

"My name is Kain... I am the Avatar of the Profound Darkness. And I believe this...is yours..."

The sinister thing placed upon the floor a relatively unharmed Fighter. Somehow, against all reason or sanity, he had endured the harshest pits of the most ungodly Abyss. But...how? Kain went on to explain that his stupidity was tainting the omnipotent will of the Blackwave.

Fighter: Hi, BM!

Black Mage: Never saw him before in my life. Nope, never.

Kain: You will take this Fighter and you shall like it. It is the will of the Profound Darkness NOT to be tainted by his foolish banter of...."Sword-Chucks".

Black Mage: Fine, fine. Just cough up the friggin' Evil Pie!

Kain: That is impossible, for I...have eaten it.

Black Mage: You....WHAT?!!!

Kain: I savored it greatly... Imagine the flow of corruptive power intertwined with that of suculent prutresence, the ultimate feeling that a darkling can hope to possess even for an instant... It was, in a word, delicious.

Black Mage: Why...you...pie-stealing...DIE!!!!!

KAAABOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!!!

The Avatar and the appliance are both destroyed in a gigantic explosion of crimson oblivion!

Black Mage: Wow.... And I didn't even...damn...

"No, you didn't. I did."

Picture now the aforementioned face of the Dark Lord, Massacre. Picture that face upon a 7-foot tall, black gargoyle body, a dreaded creature that chills the mightiest warrior to the bone. Picture him...standing in the door way of The Kitchen with smoking fingers. Picture him...not looking very pleased.

Massacre: Great... Now I'll need to get a new evil fridge... I take it you two are my intruders this day? Good for you. You're lucky I'm in a good mood, especially after banishing a rival evil. So...what the hell do you want in my lair?

Black Mage: The Evil Pie, naturally!

Massacre: All this way for...pie? Well...it wouldn't be the first time... Very well, evil Mage. Because you are evil and your friend incredibly dumb, I will grant your request and have a fresh batch made...for a price!

Black Mage: And what is this price, evil...uhhh...

Massacre: Massacre.

Black Mage: Massacre... Massacre? What kind of name is that?

Massacre: It's the name of someone who regularly one-ups Death.

Black Mage: Right. What's the task?

Massacre: There is a bizarre rash of...attacks going on in my lands today. Normally, I do not care, but the ones responsible are not members of the local Thieves Guild. So...I want you to dispose of them.

Black Mage: Will do!

Fighter: Wait... Thieves Guild... Doesn't that mean...

* * * * *

Thief: ACHOO!!

Red Mage: Are you alright?

Thief: I'm fine. Now, let's get back to stealing. There's alot of experience in looting entire towns.

TO BE CONTINUED...

I came, I read, I liked. A lot. (b^_^)b