Worst Gift EVER!
 

So with all the December holidays soon approaching (and Chanukah already here) the stampede of gifts are following. As we know from all our outspoken retail workers, selling during the holidays is a bitch. But what about recieving? Whats the gift, or gift group, that has you reaching for the receipt and making you put on that wretched "Yay, a gift" smile?

For me, its gotta be figurines. I've never figured out the figurine trade. I heard somewhere that if a person truly wanted a cutesy wittle ceramic horse hoof (or equivalent) they'd (by which I mean she'd) already have all the ones they wanted. My grandmother gave me a Dutch troll figurine out of the blue, and it now collects dust next to my CD collection (I just tell her its protecting them, she's happy).

I don't know if it's any particular group of things that I dislike, normally stuff I return is movies and games I already own, because I have an extremely large collection, which is why I make a list of things I don't own. The gifts I do end up returning outside of that are generally ones that someone put absolutely no thought into and wasn't on my list.

The best example is last year. There was a girl that I really really was into. We worked together, we talked all the time, hung out, went to parties together. and I was ready to try and move our relationship to the next level, and so I thought really really hard on wanting to get her something special. so I bought the various pieces I need, and made her this italian care bear charm bracelet, with each of the care bears lined in gold, and the bracelet made out of silver, cause she really was into carebears. Spent about $70 on it and I wanted to give her that cause it was something nice and expensive, but I didn't want her to think that I was just trying to buy my way into a relationship with her. So I gave her my copy, of my FAVORITE book, that I had for years, that had changed my life with how into it I was. and I wrote her a thoughtful message in the cover and everything. and I gave this to her and she was really greatful and everything, and she said she'd give me my gift the next time she saw me cause she didn't have it wrapped or anything.. well 2 weeks later she gave me my gift, which means she had 2 ENTIRE WEEKS to rethink her gift if she wanted to change it after seeing mine...and you know what she gave me....a $20 smoremaker.....A FUCKING SMORE MAKER.....I smashed that pos to bits

Maybe she really likes smores?

Well, to be perfectly frank, she might be just as peeved with you about the book. I mean, I know it had sentimental value to you, and you thought it was a really great read.

But she isn't necessarily going to be into it. Plus, given it was your favorite book, it'd have been well worn (and possibly smelly?). So from her perspective, you might have given her a really crappy gift. And who knows, maybe she returned something better in favor of the smore maker just because of that.

And while its no horror story, and it involves my birthday, not Christmas. Anyway, the worst gift I recieved was a GoBot dump truck. No, check that, I mean TWO of the same GoBot dump truck both given as presents on the same day. (And for you kiddies who don't know what a GoBot was, it was basically a Matchbox line of Transformers.)

I know its no real horror story, but a dump truck? And the fact that I got two on the same day is downright disturbing. I mean what does that say about me?

SWK

Maybe she wanted you to invite her over and have smores together... alone.

I once got a present from my mom's mother, she's not right in the head, and it was some ugly sweater thing from a garage sale. Worst present evur!

Well I roughly remember telling her in the message
"I'm giving this book to you for a very important reason, this is my copy of my favorite book. The reason it looks a little weathered is because I've had it for the past several years and have read it front to cover numerous times. This book changed my life, and thus also defines a lot about who I am and will help you to know me on more of a personal level. I'm giving this to you because you hold such an important part in my life, and I want our relationship to continue further", so I think if she didn't realize how important this book was, then she either didn't read the note, or didn't care. and that of course is really rough, I refined it and made it all poetic and shit.

and man, if she wanted me to be romantic with smores....she did a really bad job of showing it.

So what book was it?

"We Caught You Plotting Murder" by Andrew Schwab, it's a random book of poetry and thoughts. The main theme whats wrong with the general big business and media of modern culture and society. Extremely well written, definitely worth the $10 it costs.

*pats back* I'm very sorry.

Bear in mind that you gave her a book, not your grandmother's vase that's been in the family for generations. Even if this book meant a lot to you, it's one of a million printed copies, and thus not irreplaceable. I could very well be sympathetic if you gave her a one of a kind Vermeer bought off the black market of the Dutch underworld, but otherwise I find it difficult to find any fault in her actions beyond the fact that it took her two weeks to return the favor.

Really, though, I'm sure it was disappointing, but was it not pleasing enough for you to give this girl something that meant a lot to you? Was giving the gift not valuable enough? Did you really need something as good- or even better- in return to make your actions worthwhile? I've said this before, but I'll repeat it again: If you're being nice to people, or giving gifts, with the expectation and hope that you'll get something in return, you're giving gifts for the wrong reasons. Getting something in return is a nice thought, but the object is to make the other person happy. Is that not reward enough?

The fact of the matter is, you got her something, she got you something. While the Sentimental Value and Thoughtfulness Factor may not be equal, take comfort in the fact that she did, at least, give you something. I think a S'more maker would be among the greatest gifts of all time. That's the gift that keeps on giving. Who doesn't love those tasty snacks?

My worst gift was a head cold, courtesy of a previous love interest.