Calvinball XXVII: Mostly harmful
 

a planet exists on the edge of a system, which is itself at the edge of a nebula, which itself is loacted at the edge of a galaxy, at the edge of the universe, which is at the edge of the multiverse, ad infinitum.

this planet is encased in a vast field of infinite improbability. the nature of this field is to, as you would expect, cause things with an almost infinitely improbable chance of happening to happen. the other nature, however, is that these things will not happen if you expect them, as that thought then renders them somewhat less than infinitely improbable. there is, of course, only one thing that exists which can create such a field . . .

the calvinball!

soon, players begin phasing in.

Newb looked around at the distorting landscape

"well, since i can't be here for long, I suppose that I had best act quickly and set up a few things"

Newb began typing, using up most of his battery power on if-thens, but also turning himself into a tangle tree, and relocating himself to the general area of the calvinball. He looked around.

"aha! there it is!"

He lashed out with one tentacle and swallowed the calvinball.

"Now I can just stop paying attention and let my instincts and if-thens do the work."

OOC: yay going somewhere for holiday break!

you probably probably can figure this out, but if-thens are my versions of contingency spells.

just use them for me when appropriate, and anyone getting too close to me had best expect to be attacked.

also, for the purposes of convenience, I'm just going to call jada and db my "dryads"

EDIT: in this case, that means nothing more than me not attacking them if they get within my proximity, and if they ask me to do something a tangle tree could do, I will

H4x faded into the field and walked up to the tree newb expecting to be attacked. Of course do to the improbability fields he wasn't. He phased his hand threw the tree Newb took the calvin ball out. Not really caring for the thing much himself but just for the random mayhem.

When it came around like a boomerang and hit him in the face. Muttering a curse under his breath "I wasn't expecting that." before throwing it again and expecting it to hit his face.

Of course this time it didn't. "I love improbability fields." he said before walking back to his spawn point only to find another calvinballer forming in front of him. "I have got to start expecting things or they'll happen."

OOC:Remember improbability fields this should be the most random game of Calvin ball ever.

Druidal phased in and cast transmorph turning himself into a hydro dragon and lokked for the cb

when he found it in h4xs' clutches he slashed with a claw but was hit in the face by something before he hit h4x

he then ate the thing that hit him, it was an ad for an rp thread called "Dragon riders of pern"

he then lunged at h4x squashing him but getting a nasty papercut in his belly

he snapped up th cb and then he saw a moving tree "well anything's possible"

after that he flew away to the ocean and set underwater traps as he hid in his lair.

"My god! The landscapes you people choose!" Dynamite said as he phased in. Then he got hit in the back of the head with the calvinball. "I wasn't expecting that." he said as he picked it up, but it just slipped through his fingers and disentigrated. Then he noticed H4x and Druidal making useless and wackey hijinks over the real calvinball. Just in time to get hit in the back of the head by the branch of a moving tree, that is. "Will everything I never expected would ever happen happen here?" he said as he got up.

"Hey, ya wana' go around back? I got somethin' for ya'" said a hot chick who apeared out of nowhere. "Looks like it," Dynamite said, flustered.

H4x looked over at Dynamite then at the real calvin ball in his arms. "I thought I threw you away...hey I wonder if he expects her to be a..." h4x.m4g3 stopped in mid-sentance as to not think, because thinking hurts. Then he noticed someone had taken the CB from him in mid sentance. "oh well, I mean its not like I'm expecting to win."

When suddenly a large mechanical wolf appeared behind him. "You know not expecting things can have its advantages." he climbed into the pilot's chair and began to run around the CB field. Then he ran into Godzilla

"The things I never expect. Now I bet he wants to fight." Once again the improbability field wrapped around hax as a large carboard box and boombox appeared, and behind godzilla more giant mutants including but not limited to Mothra, meanwhile behind him more giant mechanical animals appeared. Hey suddenly realized what was going to happen.

"We're not going to fight, we're going to have a breakdancing competition."He said to himself as godzilla started showing off his moves on the box.

Toastburner respawned in his customary fashion, to drop in from above on a re-entry pod.

Which, in this case, lead him to launch up from the ground as compared to fall down into it.

"What the?!" Toastburner yelled, he quickly jumped out of the sky-bound pod, and turned on his jets for flight.

Which caused him to drop faster.

Expecting a sound like CRASH, Toastburner was quite surprised to instead hear SWISH!, and the roar of a crowd going wild as he hit the ground.

Toastburner got up, and looked at the giant monsters.

"Well...this is...random."

"I wasn't expecting that." Dynamite said, feeling sick. "I should have suspected something when she said her name was Lola." As he rounded the corner, he saw the giant mutants massing in the streets. Then he saw Godzilla on the box. "Sweat! A breakdancing compotition. I never win these, but I bet I can get a good score."

"Well," Toastburner said to himself, "while they are playing with the giant monsters, I'll go chop me some firewood."

Toastburner activated his jets to move forward...which caused him to go backwards.

"Right...random effect fields."

So...Toastburner went into reverse to go forward.

However, since he was expecting that...he went left instead.

Growling, Toastburner stopped. "Okay...this is getting stupid."

Without thinking at all, he just went off into a random direction...which happened to be straight down.

With a roar of frustration, Toastburner hit the ground...and when he looked up, he was just outside the tangle-tree's reach.

"Man...I am not going to get used to this place."

Jadarendir phased in, seeing all the randomness. He wiped sweat off his brow, realizing that Arhra, a creature of chaos, would have more power than anyone else on the field. He also realized that Arhra would still have little control over this environment, seeing as if he tried to control it he would be expecting something.

"I must expect... the unexpected," Jada murmured.

Jada put every scenario he could think of into his mind, including ones that didn't seem probable at all. He included the things around him, and things that hadn't showed up yet. Ordinarily this would be extremely improbable, but little did he know that he was using his environment to his advantage by not expecting that.

Jada stepped forward, expecting to get rocketed in some other direction. He didn't expect to move forward. Therefore he did.

"Hey, that worked out," Jada laughed.

He tried to take another step, telling himself he would be going in some other direction. Unfortunately, his subconscious expected to go forward again. Once his foot touched the ground, he rocketed into the air.

Knowing that there were an impossibly high number of factors that he would have to keep in mind in order to keep control, he simply let whatever happened, happen.