Funny Stories of D&D
 

Post funny stories from D&D here. :bmage: :wmage: :thief: :fighter:

On an adventure in the party's higher levels, they witnessed a battle between low level royal soldiers and a vast multitude of ghouls in the courtyard of a castle.One of the ghouls dunks his head into the chest of a half-dead soldier at the same time as the soldier is having a powerful healing spell cast on him. The ghoul's head is stuck in the soldier!

You shoudn't double post. Read the Rules!

long story:
its too long.

short story:
2nd edition D&D, after fumbling 5 times in a row, on the 6th fumble i killed myself, the troll we were fighting and a team mate, in 1 round

This is a short story

The team i am running is on a quest to find out who the assaising of the high priest in the town is, i tried making it easy for them, by having it really obvios (black clock, voice dosnt sound right, the works). well instead they go to the royal govener of the town barge in and promptly acuse him of being the assasin, then go on to piss him off further by asking the same question dozens of time.

it is very funny when your leader barges in and says "Though is the murderer of the priest"
not remembering that he is talking to the govener

i liked the time when the group i was with decided that the elf that was in our party was pink, without telling him, and then made reference to him being pink the entire time

I have quite a few funny D&D stories, but these are the best, in my opinion:

I was playing with a high-level group... Level ten or something, I think. My dad was DM'ing. After a few hours of uneventful battles, we came to the 'big boss', a high-level blackguard... After only a few minutes of battle, our monk was knocked out, the cleric (me) was down to 2 HP, and our rogue was hiding for her pathetic life. Our only three combat-worthy allies, a fighter and two sorcerors, were now facing down a blackguard who had single-handedly wiped out our party. They were getting desperate, so, of course, they came up with the stupidest fugging plan in creation. The sorcerors cast fly on themselves and took ahold of the fighters arms, creating some sort of flying, magic-missile casting, hacking formation of doom. With their plan in play, they flew right at the blackguard.... Who simply laughed and batted them out of the sky with the sharp end of his sword.

The next tale centers around the sheer incompetence of our rogue, played by my younger sister... We sent her into a group of abandoned buildings to spy for us, thinking that since she's a rogue, she'll have no problem..
...No such luck. She walks through the first door, triggers a spear-trap, and staggers out with five spears lodged in her. After being healed, she tries again. Miraculously, she manages to make it to the building where the enemy is hiding. She approaches the window, rolls for a listen check, and gets a natural one. Our DM tells her that she has fallen through the window and is now laying prone at the feet of the enemy, a high-level fighter. He gives her one more chance to get to her feet.... She rolls another natural one, and the fighter nails her to the ground with his sword.

GAME 1

DM: The army of Allips and Night Hags charge at the castle...

Phil: Come! We must help the innocent defeat this treachery!

Head guard at one of the tower's: Men and women fall back.... ARM THE CHILDREN!!!

GAME 2

DM: Then she stands before you, the most beautiful woman you have ever seen, the King's daughter...

(Dwarf)Jaze of Stone-key: Have any Dwarf in ya? Would ya like some? *humping motion*

At that moment, I roll a natural 20 to swoon her, we went on to have a night of hot wild sex

One of the side-quests in a previous game involved purchasing a Love Potion for a half-orc barmaid, after she got a crush on a male half-orc who had been spending time at her bar recently. We hurried to finish the quest, mostly to shut her up about his "flowing, red-gold hair" "manly snout" and "adamantine-hard abs"

The side-quest was completed successfully, and we went off to continue our adventures in the next town. Several levels later, we learned that a powerful Brass Dragon had been sent to spy out the activities of a local cult in the town with the first sidequest...and then learned that he had taken the form of a half-orc with red-gold hair.

The dragon giving us the information told us that his comrade failed in his mission, returning with only fuzzy memories of the task, and inexplicable scratches and bite marks all over his humanoid form.

(elf ranger) Kamanth Whyllwyst: "Oh, umm....we didn't do it! I swear! She got him drunk!"

Me, OOC: "I'm RPing their child!"

This ended up creating one of my favorite characters ever, a Brass Half-Dragon Half-Orc.

This second tale is from a later game. We were infiltrating a group of Clerics of Cyric at the time.

Morgana Stargleam (female human paladin, group leader): "Remember, we must act like evil clerics!"

(Me) Kaldros the Bold: *points Warhammer at Morgana* "Ah-HAH, a virgin! Sacrifice her!"

Okay, nothing to do about sidequests at the time.

We entered a bar with a Bard singing. I decided he had something to do with a sidequest, so just to make sure we didn't have to do a sidequest with a Bard in it, i chopped him in half through the waist. My fellow RPer's thought it wasn't such a good idea....so they killed me.