Wow I'm late coming into this thread. Allow me to touch upon the points...

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part.
It would work if we could spell our own spellings properly. Most Americans can't spell properly as it is, now you want to change the spellings on them?

Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Hey I learned something!

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows.
I wholeheartedly agree, unfortunately power isn't measured in intelligence these days.....

The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
Fine by me, I've always wanted to live in a shire

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
Hear hear! Get some quality programming on our idiot boxes!

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
Can't we all just settle on "Rah Rah Rasputin"?

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
I agree that baseball sucks. American football used to be good until we stopped touchdown taunts and they decided on rules like "unnecessary roughness".

8. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
I hate roundabouts but I don't mind the metric system. Of course German cars are best, after 100 years of prepping and warring they definately know how to make a sturdy vehicle.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French; they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
mmmmmm thick cut and fried in animal fat..........
Oh and we know of Belgium thanks to waffles and Jean Claude Van Dam.

10. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
Considering I live nowhere near Massachusetts or drink tea, go for it.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager".
I hate beer with a passion, let me try this "British Bitter"

The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
I like this renaming considering I've defined budwiser as "A guy named Bud pissed in a vat and they bottled it."

12. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $1.50/litre - get used to it).
Isn't a litre smaller than a gallon? If so then down with this one, I think the British would be better off accepting our prices. I thought you guys were trying to benefit from this.

13. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
According to California you're more mature and grown up that way. Stupid California.........

14. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
A wizard did it......or at least his magic bullet did......

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Just so long as the wealthy don't get tax cuts.

I would be very willing to adopt this if it weren't for the fact that growing up in America has desensitized me to empty promises and political posturing.

Screw it, I'm moving to England!

DB, Pack, and Grey. All warned. Official like. You're all just lucky I slept well and woke up in a good enough mood to not get REALLY care about people completely ignoring me when I said not to keep up this "Bush sucks, No he rocks and you suck" stuff.

Also, Grey, I almost temp banned you anyway. At least the others kept their posts reasonable and calm, while you're heading right back into the area I was trying to stop.

me no like americans for those reasons. what a useless bunch of yankees they are......in the north especially. down south they are actually useful and understand to some extent humor. me canadian living in souther US. south carolina to be exact. and whats up with disney world in florida. there were more teens there than little kids and only 2 rollercoaster to accompany all those masses. i waited like 2 hours to get on space mountain, and thats with cutting in line.

It's all this bloody rules making and telling us what to do that caused us to rebel in the first place. Next you'll tell us to stop driving on the right side of the road. or that we have to drink tea instead of coffee. This is America, boy. We do things differently across the pond.

Ok, last edit. This one will make sense, I promise.

He has a point, Disneyland does in fact blow.

I'm with Squishy Cheeks. We rock in our own way. A very special way. I like to call it the "Way of the Brave".

Hell, you gotta be brave to do half the stuff we do.

We fear Canada. Especially there cultural influence. They could make us less ignorent and therefore ruin our bliss. "Ignorence is Bliss" afterall. I think thats why we're soo blissful.

Ah I've been enlightened! My knowledge of french pronounciation is from the movie "The Beverly Hillbillies" where that girl from caroline in the city (Lea Thompson) clearly pronounced her fake french accent with "zee."

Metric is kickass except for the prefixes which fall into a category very similer to nomenclature, which I hate. Calculators (TI-89) can do those nasty Imperial conversions so our system doesn't bother me too much.

As a personal note on France. My family is partially French and partially German as a large chunk of the American populous is. I'm certinly not going to blatantly bash either of the countries that my ancestors came from as that would reflect badly on me. Enough people are going to make me look bad I don't need to help them.

Finally Someone Gets it!! Thanks for your recognition (Osterbaum), but the bow down and worship was way too extreme. All I was asking for is what you said. America was instrumental in keeping your freedom (France, Britian and the rest of Europe involved in WW2 maybe not Canada?) and we should remain friends for it. We realize how the French were instrumental in our origional war for freedom and the frienship still remains. Even if they oppose most of our international decisions, as they should because our international decisions are immoral and wrong! The main reason for there opposition, say to Iraq for example, is because of the INSANE amount of money French (and German) business's lost to Haliburton. 87 million a day to a single German company is what CNN said if I remember correctly. France built all of Saddams palaces or at least most of them.

Thanks for the Bush warning. This forum isnt the place for Bush ranting (the discussion forum is [j/k]), but since it was mentioned repeatedly I thought a comment would be appropriate. I also had both sides one in a humorous way as my original reply was meant to be, and the other as my true opinion that was neither stupid or fanatic.

To DruidoftheDead
"Fine by me, I've always wanted to live in a shire"
I'll let the shire thing slide if we can rename midgets into Hobbits.
(Edit): Also state of the Union address must remain as its a different meaning to the word state.(/Edit)

Shineys gotta point that 163 IQ is a pretty damn funny statement.

(Edit): Missed this on the first time around
Hey Drooling Iguana are you really gonna claim new age hitler as Canadian? We really wanna get rid of people like him so if you want him back thats fine with me. (/Edit.)

All of this is lighthearted. Dont take offense, and if you do then you should probably go read some books to gain some enlightenment to comedic situations.

If you read the last lines of the very first post he made it pretty clear that this was NOT meant to be an insult but rather a comedic commentary.

I was pretty mad about halfway through though. Then when I got to number 6 about football I knew it was a joke.

As a strong democrat i foud this entire thing incredibly funny. Almost as funny as the map that shows up as "the united states of canada" composed of the northern states and canada, as well as "jesus land" composed of the bush states. This is not meant as an insult i took the entire election as a joke cause both candidates where ummm, interesting, but back to the topic at hand. I think we would be good to have british influence, and i also agree the beer is crap, although that is a general statement not just limited to american vintages. SAM ADAMS IS NOT A GOOD BEER, HE WAS A FAILURE AS A BREWER THATS WHY HE HAD SO MUCH TIME TO BE A REVOLUTIONARY. hmm, no more ranting for me. Well back to the united states of canada planning commite.